Val, yours is really quite good. I edited liberally and instead of explaining all my choices will see what you think of the changes.
First, I think you need two positioning statements. One for viewers. One for donors.
To whom? Viewers first.
Who and What? Look, Listen and Learn is the only local, commercial-free TV program for preschoolers.
Benefit? That gives Pacific Northwestern parents fun and engaging ways to teach their children about the world around them.
Supporting claims? Because the shows revolve around family-friendly ideas that are just a drive away.
Now, that's a show I would watch, FWIW.
To whom? Now, let's talk about this. Are you thinking primarily "and viewers like you" a la PBS or are you thinking large, local companies (Boeing, Safeco, Microsoft, etc.?) Personally, I'd favor the latter.
So, to companies in the local market that already have well-established charitable programs targeting education,
Who and what? LLL is the only commercial-free programming targeting potential employees with young children in this market,
Benefit? That achieves your education-promoting goals in a completely new way
Supporting claims? Because we are the only locally-produced show that features local activities that engage your target market of families with small children.
Plus, we are the only programming that partners with Big Brothers Big Sisters and foster homes in the community to give disadvantaged children the formative appetite for learning afforded wealthier families.
I like these. Do you?