Attendance is Required: Stress is Optional

“Yes, I know I said I would do that yesterday, but I’ll get to it tomorrow.” “I can’t believe the client is ignoring me, what’s his problem? He probably thinks I’m no good at this.” “Darn, I knew that would come back and bite me, I should have finished it properly.” “Yeah, yeah, I know what they need, I’ve done it for others a hundred times before.” “It’s not my best work, but the customer probably won’t notice.”

A half a dozen sentences that capture the cause of untold sleepless nights, guilty conscious’s, and increases in antacid sales. The good news, all of the above stress causers are avoidable – and that puts them in the “optional” category!

Operating principals, those guidelines that keep us between the rails of our personal railroad track, can reduce or eliminate the stress that falls in the “optional” category. When we do not conduct ourselves in accordance with our own values, our own principals, we experience stress.

Don Miguel Ruiz wrote a book several years ago, The Four Agreements. He outlines a set of agreements that, if followed, will keep your head on straight, your heart engaged, and your honor intact.

The Four Agreements

1. Be impeccable with your word
2. Don’t take anything personally
3. Don’t make assumptions
4. Always do your best

Your word represents you. Integrity is demonstrated by actions matching words. Don’t use your word against others (including gossip); don’t use it against yourself. You are not stupid, lazy, or incompetent. Don’t say it. Don’t imply it. Your word matters. Use it with thought and with care. Make commitments only after thinking them through. Long after you have left the room, or logged off the computer, your words will linger … and you don’t want people reaching for the air freshener!

Taking something personally requires you to give over your personal power to someone else. People do or don’t do something because they choose to. It is a copout for someone to blame you when he or she has lost their temper, gotten cranky, or reacted emotionally. Short of wrapping your fingers around someone else’s neck, you can’t make them anything. Bummer, it works that way for you too. You may find someone’s behavior or language to be less than cooperative, how you react is how you react. They didn’t make you – and don’t let anyone convince you that they have that kind of power over you. You are the center of your universe and you choose – you have the grace within you to step away from your ego and not accept someone else’s intentions.

The mighty Karnak does not share his mind-reading ability! Ask whatever you need to in order to be sure you are not assuming what someone thinks. Your interpretation of someone’s behavior is no guarantee that you know what they meant. Ask. Say what you want because there are so few psychics out there you can’t be sure anyone can actually read your mind (thank goodness!).

Always do your best, which is not to be confused with, “be perfect.” Our “best” changes based on time of day and surrounding circumstances. Those who need the mother’s milk of coffee before the synaptic processes start firing are doing well to find the coffee maker and not growl at the family on the way. Later in the day, our best may include being sociable and capable of complex thought and delivery. By always doing the best you can with what you have when you have it, you reduce guilt, stress, and anxiety. You don’t have anything better than your best. Again, not perfect, but your personal best. Oh, and resist the urge to rewrite the past. Hindsight is fabulous for identifying what we “should” have known, but at the time we didn’t so we just did our best.

When we’re feeling overwhelmed, rushed, hurried, and generally stressed, sometimes we forget who we are and begin acting in a way that is incongruent with who we desire to be.  The Four Agreements can give you a place to build your own guidelines from and you can add as need be (although simple gets done more often than complex … just saying).