Balance or Paralysis?

After writing a column on dynamic balance, I received this letter from a reader: "I appreciated this week's article on dynamic balance. Your point about choosing is well taken, but this is where I get stuck--I know intellectually and intuitively that sometimes I must choose (limited time, money, energy, etc.). But when it comes to making a choice, I become paralyzed. I am so fearful of picking the "wrong" thing. If I only have so much time/money/energy, then I feel that any choice I make MUST be the "perfect" one. "Any advice? Can you address this in an upcoming newsletter?" This is a fabulous topic, and one that comes up frequently in my private coaching sessions. There are many ways in which we construct paralyzing dilemmas, and make no mistake about it, most of our dilemmas are constructed by the way we habitually understand the world rather than by the so-called facts of the matter. Here are some of the dilemma-producing ways of constructing situations that get us stuck along with some remedies for getting into action. Dilemma-producing habit: Believing that there is one and only one right choice or outcome. Remedy: Challenge your belief. Say (out loud) "I am pretending that there is only one right way to do this." Notice how that feels and what physical shifts or mental changes happen. Now say, again out loud, "I am pretending that I know what I want." Again, notice the sensations in your body and how the tone of your mental dialogue change when you say this. Very often this simple practice will reveal the choice you want to make. Then you can focus on how to make this choice possible, and if it is not you can simply let go of it and move on. Dilemma-producing habit: Believing that if resources were not limited you would not be stuck. Remedy: Realize that constraints are essential to any creative process (and life is a creative process) because they shape, focus, and define the scope of appropriate solutions. Practice the habit of meeting limited resources with the question: "How do these constraints reveal my true priorities?" This will either reveal a path of action or shine light on the fact that you have competing priorities. Dilemma Producing Habit: Believing that competing priorities cannot be resolved. Remedy: Realize that you are holding one or more assumptions that keep your competing priorities in different worlds. For example, many of my clients assume that they cannot make a really good living without depriving people who need their services of access to those services. When we challenge this assumption we discover that making a really good living can be the secret to having the time and money to serve people that you could not otherwise reach. Dilemma Producing Habit: Believing that you must know in advance how your choices will turn out. Remedy: See how it would be to try something out rather than pretending that your choice needs to be permanent. This might mean exploring a different kind of agreement or terms of commitment, for example, negotiating a fee for a trial period of three months rather than trying to anticipate whether the agreement will work for the long term. Dilemma Producing Habit: Pretending that we cannot ask for what we want. Remedy: Ask yourself what needs to happen in order for you to have what you want. Who can help this happen? What exactly would they need to do to help you out? Be very specific in your requests so that others can give you a clear yes, no, or counter-offer. These examples are the tip of the iceberg of how we construct our own limits and how we can use that realization to get unstuck. 2008-10-27T20:28:37Z