COMMITMENT - Do I Do, or Do I Don't?

Do you commit with ease, or are you a died-in-the-wool non-committer? Do you feel good about your commitments, energized, productive, worthy, respectable? Or do you resent them, do they tire you, induce overwhelmment?

Whether you’ve already committed or are considering committing to a cause, a group, a project or a person, your experience will depend on how fully that commitment honors your core values. Even if you’ve already committed, it’s not too late to change your experience. Shoulder demons may scream that you have to stick with your original choice, but it’s simply not true. Remaining involved when your heart’s not in it serves neither you nor those to whom you’ve “committed.”

The choice NOT to commit is as much a commitment as the choice TO commit. Engage these steps to strengthen your decision around committing or not, or around withdrawing from a commitment already made.

5 STEPS TO PURPOSEFUL COMMITMENT

1.    Journal about it. What do you have to gain? What doesn’t sit right with you? What will be in your hands to change? What’s outside your control? What’s your instinct? What conclusion/decision are you ready to make?

2.    Articulate the decision. List all the elements of the decision. Who’s involved? What’s the time frame? Who will you talk to? What loose ends will you tie up before you move on your decision? What do you have to offer? What compromise might you need to consider?

3.    Clarify your intention. What will you gain or retain by your decision – personally and professionally? What are you willing to release in order for it to happen? What core values does this choice honor? What will it feel like when the decision has been made?

4.    Take action. What will you do? In what order? When will you do it?

5.    Reflect and anchor the knowledge. What have you learned in the process? How will it affect the way you make decisions in the future?


CONVERSATION WITH THE COACH:   Bailing Out

Client:    Several months ago I paid a fee to join a business networking group for a year. At the time, I was excited about the possibility it would have for the growth of my business, but now I resent having to be there every week. I take my commitments seriously, but with every week that goes by, I feel more resentment about the time it takes away from my business and about some of the rules of this organization’s procedure. If I leave, I feel like I’m letting others down, but my heart’s not in it to stay.
 
Coach:    What do you appreciate about the group?

Client:    I appreciate that it was an expedient way to broaden my connection to the community. I appreciate the variety of services each member offers. I appreciate the individual friendships I’ve made with some of the members. I appreciate their support of me through the networking process. I appreciate their efforts to understand what I do and the referrals they’ve given me. It’s given me pause to reflect on what I want, how I want to spend my time, and how I don’t. I’ve come to know what parts I like and what parts I don’t like. Knowing the parts I don’t like makes me want to break from the group.

Coach:    What would breaking from the group entail?

Client:    I have unfinished business with Frank and Megan from the group. I would want to honor my commitments with them.

Coach:    What’s your intention?

Client:    I want to maintain relations with those that I honestly resonate with. I want to continue to refer business to those I truly trust. I want to enjoy the freedom of style and time that breaking from the group will give me. I want to leave on good terms.

Coach:    What action will you take, and when?

Client:    This week I will tidy up the unfinished business with Frank and Megan. When that’s done, I will craft a message for my exit, thank them all for our connection, and express my decision to part from the group. And I will personally connect with each of the people whose relationships I especially want to continue.

Coach:    How do you feel about your decision?

Client:    I feel relieved. It was good to articulate the value I received as well as my reasons for wanting to move on. It feels good.

Coach:    What learning are you taking away?

Client:    I’ve learned that it’s important to consider my core values before jumping into a commitment. I’ve learned that I’m at choice to stay or to go. I’ve learned there’s risk involved whether I choose to back out or stay with something that doesn’t support my value. I’ve learned it’s important to ask myself why I would commit or not commit. All valuable stuff!