Demystifying Change

The reality is everything is in a constant state of change.  Nothing stays the same.  So why do you resist change?  Most people resist change because it feels uncomfortable.  Even good changes can make people unsure and unstable.  But resisting actually takes more work because by the time you are moved to action more drastic change is usually required.  For example, most people don’t go to a marriage counselor until one person wants out of the marriage.  And most people will not change their spending habits until something makes them, like maxing out their credit cards.  And many people ignore their lack of physical fitness until the onset of disease.  At this point it is about as challenging to recover as it is to paddle upstream against a strong current.  The chance for success greatly decreases.  And in many cases if the immediate pain (or reason forcing them into change) went away, they would go back to their old behaviors in a heartbeat. 

Do you ignore that little voice inside that wants you to change and stay with a familiar routine you don't enjoy instead?  Or do you believe you can’t make the necessary changes?  If so examine your beliefs because in many cases they are untrue and will simply hold you back.  

Again, why do you avoid change?   This avoidance can seem like a mystery sometimes but it really isn’t.  The fact is people need to be motivated to change.  And pain, or averting pain, is a strong motivator.  But there are other ways to motivate.  Ways that are effective, easier and could be even fun and exciting.   Here’s how:

Step One:  Notice what your heart is telling you and listen.  Ignoring the truth is resisting change.  If you aren’t sure then read the “What’s Your Weakest Link?” section below for more information. 

Step Two:  Bring clarity to these feelings by talking to others, reading and learning.  Working with a life coach is an excellent way to bring clarity because not only can you talk but you get valuable feedback that can help you move forward in areas you are stuck.  Many times the areas people are “stuck” in are areas they are still unaware of themselves. 

Step Three:  Good goal wording is an important step towards successful change.  If the goal is not worded correctly it can feel like a “should” or a “have to” and that is simply not motivating.  Instead consider your core values, or things that are always important to you, and include them in your goal wording.  If for example, you want to improve your physical fitness and have a strong family value then you may be able to create a more motivating goal if you include wording around it like “I will go for weekend hikes with my family”.  Or let’s say want to save money and value respect.  Then your goal could be “Saving 1% of my net earnings per month will allow me to respect myself and gain respect of others”. 

Step Four:  Make the changes slowly and steadily when possible.  Changing one or two behaviors, or working on one or two goals is plenty.  You are more likely to have long term success if you are patient and steady.  Then you can go back to step one and repeat the cycle afterwards if you’d like.

Make your journey through life as easy as possible by being aware and making little maneuvers towards success and happiness.    

What’s your weakest link?

Most people tend to focus on a few areas of their life at best.  For many the focus is on career and/or family.  Others may be absorbed in a new romantic relationship, or fixated on adventure, fun or travel.  Others may immerse themselves in community and charity work.  Having a focus is fine and there is no need to spend equal parts of your day in all pursuits.  Having balance provides a general sense of wellbeing.  Balance comes from a sense of overall awareness; an awareness that will allow you to react when you notice a slight imbalance.  Corrections are much easier when you are working with a slight imbalance. 

There are several ways to categorize the different segments of your life.  One way is by:

1. Personal:  This includes things such as health, fitness, self care, education, personal development, fun, recreation
2. Professional:  Career and finances
3. Society:  Romance, family, friends, community
4. Physical Environment:  Home, workplace, neighborhood, etc.

Using these categories allows you to then take a look at your overall current situation.  What areas are you strong or excelling in?  What areas are you weak in?  Your responses should be based on your personal satisfaction level with each.  For example, if you are not currently in a romantic relationship but are okay with that, then you can rate your overall satisfaction as high.  Therefore there is balance in this area of your life. 

Next look at the area you score lowest in.  This is your weakest link.  And just like a chain, the weakest link will be unable to bare the same level of strain that the stronger links can bare.  Your weakest link or lowest level of satisfaction can over time cause turmoil. 

Now you can decide if there are any goals you want to establish for yourself, and you can use the steps above to move forward.