"Do I trust him or her?" Others may ask many questions about you, but this is a key one. Trust lies at the root of building good interpersonal relations. Research into human relations proves that if trust is present, weaknesses tend to be overlooked and mistakes tolerated. Some people are trusted, and some are not, it depends on how they behave. Trust is grounded in four very concrete and specific behaviors: Acceptance, Integrity, Openness, Reliability. The presence of these four behaviors lead others to say: "I trust him or her". If you put these four behaviors into practice, you'll be trusted. If you don't, you won't. Simple as that. Let's look at each of the four in turn, to get the whole picture.
First, trust requires acceptance. If I sense you accept me as a person, I'll trust you. That means I must sense that you feel it's OK for me to be me, you don't pass judgment on me, you don't put me down and you don't treat me as an "it" by trying to manipulate me, treat me as an inferior or by just criticizing me. You accept me as an individual with my thoughts, feelings, interests, differences and my imperfections. You don't have to agree with me but you do have to accept me. If I sense you don't accept me, I won't trust you, because I'll wonder if you are trying to use me, or deal with me only as a means to your ends. If you behave in an accepting manner by taking me as I am, treating me as a worthwhile person, showing respect for my personhood and not judging me, then your behavior will lead me toward trusting you. Acceptance is necessary to earn trust.
Second, trust requires integrity. If I sense you are being straight-forward with me, I'll trust you. That means I must see you as being honest with me. I must perceive that you mean what you say and say what you mean, that's having integrity. If I sense that you are telling me one thing and feeling the opposite, trust goes down. If I don't see and feel your integrity, I won't trust you, because I'll be in doubt about what you really mean, feeling that I can't count on you to tell me the truth. If you behave in a honest way, saying what you mean and meaning what you say, then your behavior will lead me toward trusting you. Integrity is necessary to earn trust.
Third, trust requires openness. If I sense you are being open with me, I'll trust you. That means I must feel that you are letting me in on what you know about the matter at hand, at least the essentials. I must perceive that you are willing to let me know what affects me, that's being open. If I sense that you are keeping important things to yourself or that you have a hidden agenda, trust goes down and you become less believable to me. If you behave in an open way, share information with me and tell me what you have in mind, then your behavior will lead me toward trusting you. Openness is necessary to earn trust.
Fourth, trust requires reliability. If I sense you are dependable, I'll trust you. That means you do what you say you'll do. If you make a promise, you'll keep it; if you say you'll take care of something, you'll take care of it; and if you say you'll be somewhere, you'll be there. I must have the experience that you take your agreements seriously, you are a person of your word, that's being reliable. If I see you making promises you don't keep, if you say you won't do a certain thing, and then you do it, trust goes down. If you behave in a reliable way and if I can bank on your dependability, then your behavior will lead me toward trusting you. Reliability is necessary to earn trust.
Trust is the cornerstone for building on-going, lasting relationships. Trust is earned, it's not a gift. Others don't trust you just because you tell them you can be trusted. You earn trust by your behavior, and that takes time, because others must experience these behaviors in you. You earn it if you behave with acceptance, integrity, openness, reliability.
John C. Erdman is a business and personal development expert, professional speaker and a corporate trainer. For more information about John go to www.ideal-companies.com/About_Us.aspx.
Learn more about the author, John C Erdman.
Great article John. You've been telling us how to network for some time now. This lets us know how we need to behave when we are networking in order to build a strong relationship based on trust with the people we meet.
This needs to be a natural way of dealing with other people. I've certainly had many people try to convince me to trust them by awkwardly trying to go through these four elements.
Hello John. Congratulations for a nicely written article and for being selected as a featured piece. Well done; I have someone in mind who should see this (besides myself).
Joe
"Trust is grounded in four very concrete and specific behaviors: Acceptance, Integrity, Openness, Reliability." - What an awesome way to embody what sales professionals need to attain to get more clients and maintain business relationships for an extremely long time. Great post!
Thank you all for the positive response. I do a lot of talks and classes on networking and thought it was time I brough the trust issue to the front of the pack were it belongs.
Wow, John, this is just what I needed to read today. I find the number one hindrance to building trust is putting profit before people or trying too hard to impress a would-be client rather than simply connecting with them around their interests. Letting go of the outcome is another thing I've been working on. Your framework is one I hope to keep practicing in ALL my relationships, even with dates!
Hey, when is your Building Trust in Business Workbook going to come out?
Perhaps you'll want to join the rest of the Biznik entrepreneurs who've signed up for my free workshop on just this topic.
Hope to see you there!
Wonderful article, John! - You’ve provided a very valuable checklist for those of us who include relationship building through accountability as part of our business plan and practices.
Great article John! I conduct a two-day Team Skills Training for a leading drone manufacturer, and we spend the entire first day on TRUST. I teach them about personality-type through The PEOPLE Process that first day because understanding one another's inborn "process" helps to establish trust more quickly.
Thank you for the article John. When I read articles like these, I am reminded of what is important in life and I am motivated to be a better and trustworthy person!
These principles not only apply to our professional relationships, but also to our personal relationships!
John,
Great summary and outline.
It will compliment my little principle perfectly.
I believe if everyone had more F.A.T., the world would be a better place.
F.A.T. = Faith, Acceptance, Trust.
So I now have more FAT after reading your article. Hopefully by having FAT you will to?
:)
I will bookmark you and give the article a tweet. Appreciate this big.
OK
So here is my question: Does putting oneself out for the world to see beyond the norm improve trust? Realism and genuineness? With a little humor added in? Need an example? http://michaelhartzell.com/bigloser
Hope so. you will see why (hopefully with a smile)
Great summary ... wish I'd said that! :)
@michaelhartzell
Hi John!
I love how you broke the 4 pillars for engendering trust and fostering connection! Thank you!
The above comment about F.A.T. is another great way to remember that coming from a good place to start with and trusting others in return first goes a long way in actively engaging people to build a relationship with them!
Thanks, John! I am a firm believer in the four behaviors and I have been following them faithfully. My business has been in operation for nine months and I have been concentrating my efforts on building interpersonal relationships. I have developed some meaningful relationships along the way. Helping others succeed is rewarding and I believe what goes around, comes around.
John - Great article! It is so true. I'm a QuickBooks consultant and get most of my business from referrals. When my clients need something, I have a very select group of people I refer them to. They are the ones I know, like, and trust!
Great post, thank you for all details and the teaching tools!
Thanks for the great info John. I'm going to share this with my referral group.
Excellent article! thank YOU. retweeted it :)
Great reminders, John. I've shared on my ConnectCentral Recruiting FB page.
Thanks John for submitting your peice to our group! Trust is such a key element to Inbound Marketing.
Thanks again, @leonespencer
Nice article, John.
Years ago someone told me that when you first meet someone, it's not that they don't trust you, they extend to you a line of "Trust Credit".
It's a credit limit you either increase or decrease by the way they perceive your value (or your risk to them).
That's true, in my experience. I find that my company can't compete with others on price, so we compete on trust -- the value we bring to the work (i.e. exceeding their expectations).
John, thanks for a good article, and I especially appreciated the stories you told at the Not Biznik as Usual class yesterday that fleshed this article out... like how refusing to "sell" people at networking events built trust and led to literally millions in business. I get that building trust is a skill of yours. Thanks for sharing!
Excellent article. Communication is key to the openness you have outlined, which leads to trust and ultimately growth in the relationship. Why is it so difficult for us all to simply do what we say? Probably because we over commit in an effort to shortcut and speed up the acceptance outlined in your article. The truth is, for lasting realtionships, business or personal, there is no short cut. We should only commit to what we know we will do, which we all fear will fall short of what people want. But, we should start small and build. Thanks for the tips!
Great article!
You need to write a book. No... you don't need to write a book. OTHERS need you to write a book.
No... don't stop there. I expect you to write at least two.
That's it.
That is the order of the day. Two books.
Now... I want to help you come up with the titles!
My favorite: Acceptance.
That is the word of the year for me in 2010.
thanks!
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