Energy and Evidence

We tend to gather evidence to support the story that we are telling. Are you advancing or defeating your purpose?

Written Nov 19, 2008, read 334 times since then.

Last week I wrote about the stories we tell ourselves and how they shape our lives. We tend to gather evidence to support the story we are telling. Gathering evidence takes time and energy. When we invest those resources in support of our stories we either advance or defeat our purpose in an extraordinarily effective manner. This is how stories become self fulfilling prophecies for good or for ill.

Here are some examples, with plausible alternatives in parentheses.

1.    We assume we know someone else's motives and attributing a negative cast to them. "She drives because she's too stuck up to take the bus." (She's allergic to many chemicals and gets ill when she rides with us, even though she would like to.)

2.    We assume that someone else is aware of everything we are aware of and that they attribute the same meaning to it. "He just ignored the bell even though he knew I would be late." (He did not notice it, or did not understand its significance.)

3.    We assume that someone else anticipates the effect of their actions on our plans. "He got tickets for Friday even though he knows that I have a meeting on Saturday morning." (He forgot, or that was the only night for which tickets were available.)

4.    We assume that when things go wrong we are going after the wrong goal. "I didn't get accepted into the art show. I guess I'm not meant to be an artist." (Art juries are notoriously hard to predict; I'll try another show or this show at another time.)

5.    We assume that feeling overwhelmed means that we don't have what it takes to move forward. "I get so scared, I'm just not cut out for working for myself." (It sure is scary working for myself. It's important to have a support system to help me get my bearings back when I get overwhelmed.)

6.    We assume that others hold us to impossibly high standards, sentencing ourselves to recurring experiences of shame. "Since I printed the wrong dates for my teleclass everyone will think I'm an idiot." (Everybody makes mistakes. I'll correct this one as simply and directly as I can and move on.)

Notice that every one of these pieces of evidence in support of a bad-news story begins with an ASSUMPTION. Fortunately, our tendency to gather evidence by assumption gives us an opportunity to interrupt the cycle of destructive story telling. Notice when you are making assumptions, and cultivate a critical detachment that allows you to ask:

1.    Is this assumption REALLY valid?
2.    Does assuming this improve the quality of my life?
3.    Can I clarify or corroborate this assumption?
4.    If I am unwilling to clarify or corroborate this assumption, am I willing to let it go?

When we are willing to examine our evidence with critical detachment we can readily uncover the falsehoods, bad-news scripts and crisis-oriented story lines that keep us stuck. Then we can powerfully choose to let go of false evidence and free up our energy to move forward.

How do you succeed at self-employment when business feels like an alien world? Subscribe to Authentic Promotion, a free ezine that shows you the way. http://www.authenticpromotion.com/

Learn more about the author, Molly Gordon.

Comment on this article

Posted by Eric Svaren, Seattle, Washington | Nov 25, 2008

Thank you, Molly! I love the idea of abadoning ideas that don't improve my quality of life! We are always arriving at conclusions, judgments and interpretations--many of which rule us and harm us. Getting free of those stories opens up great possibilities.

Eric Svaren; Team rescue, influence leadership
Posted by Jennifer Manlowe, Bainbridge Island, Washington | Nov 26, 2008

Once again, you lead the pack away from following the histrionic herd. Thanks so much, Molly. I've imported so much good that you have to share and now people think I'm great at what I do. Who knew I just needed a little skillful unleashing?

Until next time,

Jenn

Jennifer Manlowe, Career Counselor & Book Coach
Posted by Steve Powell, Seattle, Washington | Nov 26, 2008

I like Number Two, and too often we don't even know as much as the other person, yet we still judge them. An example that comes up every day is when we are behind someone at a stop sign and they appear to be overly cautious. Usually, we aren't in any sort of position to make a judgment. When I catch myself doing this, I form another overriding assumption: I assume that the first driver is actually Mario Andretti and is making extraordinarily great decisions based on the evidence that they have (and that I don't.) THAT mellows me out. Thanks Molly ... can't wait to peruse your past articles. In fact, I won't wait....I'm going there now.
Posted by Molly Gordon, Suquamish, Washington | Nov 26, 2008

Thanks, guys.

It was good for me to reread this one. It's easy to fall into the belief that because I have a negative thought I must be defective. And it just ain't so!

Creative, fun, easy self-promotion
Posted by Karrie Kohlhaas, Seattle, Washington | Nov 27, 2008

I am all for breaking the script!

I like #4 in the article. I think that when things don't come easily, people look for "signs" that will justify them giving up, instead of saying "That didn't work. Okay, I'll get out there again and try it another way."

Perspective makes all the difference in the world. Thanks, Molly, for the gentle reminders.

ThoughtShot Business Consulting
Posted by Kate Phillips, Carnation/Seattle, Washington | Nov 28, 2008

Good stuff, Molly. I'm hearing undertones of Landmark and Byron Katie. Great examples.

Coaching for Financial Transformation
Posted by Sherri Edwards, Seattle, Washington | Nov 28, 2008

Great input.. I think the added stresses many people are experiencing due to economic conditions, the holidays, etc. make us all more vulnerable for making wrong assumptions. Thanks for the reminders!
Posted by Manita Holtrop, Seattle, Washington | Nov 29, 2008

I hear Landmark Education in your article too. After doing the Forum these lessons have become part of who I am and how I am in the world. The transformation was effortless and it's so freeing - I wish it for everyone!
Posted by Susan Templeton, Bellingham, Washington | Nov 29, 2008

Great, Molly! It's reinforcing to realize we are not the only ones with less than helpful scenarios taking up space in our cram-packed noggins!
Posted by Lynn Baldwin-Rhoades, Everett, Washington | Nov 29, 2008

Right now, I'm trying to "reframe" a story I'm telling myself that's not only inaccurate, but also a serious energy-drain. I appreciate the time you put into this and other articles - great reminders for us all.

Writing to Boost Your Biz
Posted by Hilde Meadow, Bellingham, Washington | Nov 30, 2008

Thank you Molly, I love reminders like this. Seeing events in our lives in a neural way is one of the secrets to happiness. A great deal of negativity can be eliminated by stopping and asking the simple question: Is it true? In other words, - is my thinking about this situation accurate? As you say, if you can't corroborate it, you might as well drop it.
Posted by Karen Floyd, Seattle, Washington | Nov 30, 2008

Rumi had something to say about stories...

Beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I'll meet you there.

When the soul lies down in that grass, the world is too full to talk about. Ideas, language, even the phrase each other doesn't make any sense.

Here is a wonderful website for more inspiration

http://peacefulrivers.homestead.com/Rumipoetry1.html#anchor_13840
Posted by Molly Gordon, Suquamish, Washington | Nov 30, 2008

Love the Rumi quote.

Here's another one:

The Guest House

This being human is a guest house. Every day a new arrival.

A joy, depression, a meanness, some momentary awareness comes as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all! Even if they're a crowd of sorrows, who violently sweep your house empty of its furniture still, treat each guest honorably. He may be clearing you out for some new delight.

From the Coleman Barks translation

Creative, fun, easy self-promotion