Financial Failure: The Dark Before the Dawn

I spoke with a friend tonight who is in the process of filing for bankruptcy.  She has lost her livelihood, her credit, her car, even her own place to live. After two failed business ventures in two years, followed by a temporary health challenge, she finds herself now with mountains of debt and no real income.  Falling on the mercy of family and friends who have fed and sheltered her the last few months, she  wrangles a few hundred dollars a month from friends and aquaintances who hire her on occasion.  She has lost what most people would consider “everything.” As I spoke to my friend, I noticed a palpable shift in her since we last spoke a number of weeks ago.  Was it depression?  Resignation?  Anger, or shame? Not at all.  While those emotions had become her loyal companions a few months ago, now, in her words, she has discovered “peace.”  Even joy, gratitude, and a new reasons for living! She talked about the the importance of “living in the present,” letting go of past regrets and future fears.  She spoke of her newfound certainty that she would be alright, no matter what circumstance came her way.  She spoke not as someone who has lost faith, but as someone sustained by faithfulness all around her.  She knows the road to financial recovery could be a long one, but she is discovering how to enjoy each day to the fullest. Contrast this to the tales we have heard the last few months in the news, of devastated fund managers and unsuccessful or unemployed executives who have chosen to end their own lives.  French fund manager <a href="http://www.nydailynews.com/news/2008/12/23/2008-12-23_hedge_fund_founder_thierry_de_la_villehu.html" title="Hedge fund founder kills self">Thierry de la Villehuchet</a>, a well-respected man of great personal wealth and honorable morals, committed suicide when he learned that several of his clients’ fortunes, as well as much of his own, had been lost in Bernie Madoff’s ponzi scheme.  Facing his clients and losing his reputation and respect was, apparently, more than he could bear. Even more tragically, some in financial distress have taken the lives of family members before killing themselves.  Former financial analyst <a href="http://www.time.com/time/nation/article/0,8599,1848422,00.html" title="A Tragedy of the Financial Crisis">Karthik Rajaram </a>had experienced much success in his life, but had been unable to find work for a couple of years.  Last October, Rajaram shot his mother-in-law, wife, and three children before killing himself in their Porter Ranch home in California.  Were they starving?  About to be evicted?  No.  According to the landlord, they weren’t even behind on their rent.  The kids were happy and did well in school, and Rajaram, unstable in his moods and highly frustrated by his change of fortune, had simply and tragically lost all perspective. I believe these stories reflect a failure of perspective and  fundamental confusion of our very identities.  Who are we, really, and what makes us who we are?  Are we our money?  Our reputation?  The roles we play, the job we work?  Confused about the answers, living life without wealth or social standing proves too fearful a thing to face; a fate worse than death. Personal failure, public embarrassment, bankruptcy or foreclosure can challenge who we think we are.  In extreme cases, suicide actually appears to be an option, perhaps because living without the things that we have allowed to define us can feel like death.  And it IS a form of death - requiring the death of our previous concepts of self. <a href="http://www.drwaynedyer.com/" title="Wayne Dyer">Wayne Dyer</a> described the myths of the ego in a seminar on Inspiration.  I was struck by the relevance these insights have for this topic.  These are the myths - the lies, if you will - that cause identity confusion and lead us astray from our true selves.  The three biggest myths: 1.  We are what we have.  Our wealth and our possessions define who we are and whether or not we are “successful.” 2.  We are what we do.  Our careers, our hobbies, and our roles in life determine our identity. 3.  We are what other people think of us - our reputation.  Our ultimate reality and worth is dependent upon the respect and approval of others. Marketing Guru and author of <a href="http://www.amazon.com/No-B-S-Wealth-Attraction-Entrepreneurs/dp/193253167X" title="No BS Wealth Attraction for Entrepreneurs">Wealth Attraction for Entrepreneurs</a> <a href="http://dankennedy.com/" title="Dan Kennedy">Dan Kennedy</a> surprisingly suggests that the “dirty little secret” behind many wealthy entprepreneurs' success stories appears to be… a past bankruptcy, or similar near-bankruptcy experience of failure or “losing it all.“  Of the 200 self-made millionaire and multi-millionaire entrepeneurs Kennedy has worked with, “nearly half of them had gone bankrupt before finally achieving lasting success and wealth.”  Indeed, the who’s who list of those who have gone broke at least once is impressive: <ul> <li>Walt Disney </li> <li>Henry Ford </li> <li>Mark Twain  </li> <li>P.T. Barnum (started circus biz at age 61 following bankruptcy) </li> <li>J.C. Penney </li> <li>Francis Ford Coppola </li> <li>James Folger (coffee) </li> <li>Larry King </li> <li>H.J. Heinz </li> <li>Conrad Hilton (lost several hotels in the depression and bought them back later)</li> <li>Abraham Lincoln (spent 17 years repaying debts prior to presidency)</li> <li>Milton Hershey </li> <li>Cyndi Lauper (just before her "hits")</li> <li>Robert G. Allen (”Nothing Down” and “Multiple Streams of Income” author and entrepreneur)</li> <li>Jack Canfield and Mark Victor Hansen (Chicken Soup for the Soul co-authors self-published after rejection by every major publisher) </li> <li>More details at <a href="http://thegardenofplenty.com">http://thegardenofplenty.com</a></li> </ul> They were all financially devastated along the path to success, and they all recovered to become huge successes.  (Conversely, those who come into wealth quickly with little struggle are apt to lose it all just as fast, but that’s another topic.) Dan Kennedy (who experienced bankruptcy himself in his early years) shares the reasons why so many entrepreneurs experience bankruptcy before achieving their greatest successes: “Entrepreneurial success and wealth creation… require a willingness to risk and experience failure and the emotional resiliency to recover from it quickly, decisively, passionately and persistently.”  A past bankruptcy may reveal this trait, may have helped to develop this trait, or both. More importantly, bankruptcy can be a profound experience that leads entrepreneurs to a new understanding of and relationship with money:  “You feel as if life is over, that you’ll never recover, that you’ll forever have a big red ‘B’ on your forehead, that you’ll never get credit.  Then, when you discover none of that is true and that... wealth (is) replaceable more quickly and easily than the first time around, the light bulb comes on."  This "A-ha Moment" can be a turning point capable of banishing money fears: "What you feared was fatal turned out to be less than a flesh wound.  Now you can’t be scared again.” Probably nothing slows down and stops success as much as fear.  Fear of success.  Fear of failure.  Conscious or unconscious debillitating fear.  Kennedy observes,  "...more people are controlled and inhibited by their fears about money than by any other kind of fear…. When you jettison all money fears, you instantaneously become magnetic to money.  I now believe your bank balance reflects the ratio of fear vs. confidence you have about money." Sometimes the best antidote to your biggest fear is to walk through the fire and realize that it cannot destroy you. Am I saying that bankruptcy is “no big deal” or a stepping stone to success?  Hardly!  Having your credit ruined can be painful and expensive.  If anything, I am suggesting that the sooner we can learn the lessons that bankruptcy appears to have taught others, the sooner we can find our own path to lasting success and holistic wealth. If you are going through a bankruptcy or foreclosure, do not despair.  It is not the end, only a beginning in disquise.  Look to nature, observe the cycles of death and rebirth.  Look to history and see new ideas, movements, even civilizations rising from the ashes of the old.  Look to the great world religions and ancient myths; you’ll find themes of resurrection and rebirth in all of them.  Things may look dark, they may look hopeless, it may look like the game is over and you’ve already lost.  But nothing could be further from the truth. For many of us, this has been a difficult financial year.  It has been difficult for me, too, and yet, I would not trade all that I have learned for an easier year. I have learned valuable lessons about business, investing, liquidity, diversification, and economic market cycles.  (Much of this I had “learned” previously in books, but experience is a more lasting teacher.)  I can see on a deeper, more profound level that I am truly not my money, what I do, nor my reputation.  I have discovered new levels of wealth, worth and wisdom on the inside that do not revolve around my temporary external circumstances.  While my net worth has plummetted with the markets, I have built my inner strength and determination.  I am re-building my value from the inside out. Whatever you are going through, may you find healing, strength, and peace and joy beyond all circumstance.  Financial failure?  It could cost you everything you own.  Finding yourself?  Priceless. 2009-04-13T20:30:13Z

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financial-failure-the-dark-before-the-dawn

2009-05-08T23:26:01Z

2009-05-08T23:27:17Z

Financial Failure? Expensive! Finding Yourself? Priceless! A enlightening look at bankruptcy, financial loss and how to embrace and learn from challenges.

Financial Failure: The Dark Before the Dawn

2009-05-08T23:27:17Z