I spoke with a friend tonight who is in the process of filing for bankruptcy. She has lost her livelihood, her credit, her car, even her own place to live.
After two failed business ventures in two years, followed by a temporary health challenge, she finds herself now with mountains of debt and no real income. Falling on the mercy of family and friends who have fed and sheltered her the last few months, she wrangles a few hundred dollars a month from friends and aquaintances who hire her on occasion.
She has lost what most people would consider “everything.”
As I spoke to my friend, I noticed a palpable shift in her since we last spoke a number of weeks ago. Was it depression? Resignation? Anger, or shame?
Not at all. While those emotions had become her loyal companions a few months ago, now, in her words, she has discovered “peace.” Even joy, gratitude, and a new reasons for living!
She talked about the the importance of “living in the present,” letting go of past regrets and future fears. She spoke of her newfound certainty that she would be alright, no matter what circumstance came her way. She spoke not as someone who has lost faith, but as someone sustained by faithfulness all around her. She knows the road to financial recovery could be a long one, but she is discovering how to enjoy each day to the fullest.
Contrast this to the tales we have heard the last few months in the news, of devastated fund managers and unsuccessful or unemployed executives who have chosen to end their own lives. French fund manager Thierry de la Villehuchet, a well-respected man of great personal wealth and honorable morals, committed suicide when he learned that several of his clients’ fortunes, as well as much of his own, had been lost in Bernie Madoff’s ponzi scheme. Facing his clients and losing his reputation and respect was, apparently, more than he could bear.
Even more tragically, some in financial distress have taken the lives of family members before killing themselves. Former financial analyst Karthik Rajaram had experienced much success in his life, but had been unable to find work for a couple of years. Last October, Rajaram shot his mother-in-law, wife, and three children before killing himself in their Porter Ranch home in California.
Were they starving? About to be evicted? No. According to the landlord, they weren’t even behind on their rent. The kids were happy and did well in school, and Rajaram, unstable in his moods and highly frustrated by his change of fortune, had simply and tragically lost all perspective.
I believe these stories reflect a failure of perspective and fundamental confusion of our very identities. Who are we, really, and what makes us who we are? Are we our money? Our reputation? The roles we play, the job we work? Confused about the answers, living life without wealth or social standing proves too fearful a thing to face; a fate worse than death.
Personal failure, public embarrassment, bankruptcy or foreclosure can challenge who we think we are. In extreme cases, suicide actually appears to be an option, perhaps because living without the things that we have allowed to define us can feel like death. And it IS a form of death - requiring the death of our previous concepts of self.
Wayne Dyer described the myths of the ego in a seminar on Inspiration. I was struck by the relevance these insights have for this topic. These are the myths - the lies, if you will - that cause identity confusion and lead us astray from our true selves. The three biggest myths:
1. We are what we have. Our wealth and our possessions define who we are and whether or not we are “successful.”
2. We are what we do. Our careers, our hobbies, and our roles in life determine our identity.
3. We are what other people think of us - our reputation. Our ultimate reality and worth is dependent upon the respect and approval of others.
Marketing Guru and author of Wealth Attraction for Entrepreneurs Dan Kennedy surprisingly suggests that the “dirty little secret” behind many wealthy entprepreneurs' success stories appears to be… a past bankruptcy, or similar near-bankruptcy experience of failure or “losing it all.“ Of the 200 self-made millionaire and multi-millionaire entrepeneurs Kennedy has worked with, “nearly half of them had gone bankrupt before finally achieving lasting success and wealth.”
Indeed, the who’s who list of those who have gone broke at least once is impressive:
They were all financially devastated along the path to success, and they all recovered to become huge successes. (Conversely, those who come into wealth quickly with little struggle are apt to lose it all just as fast, but that’s another topic.)
Dan Kennedy (who experienced bankruptcy himself in his early years) shares the reasons why so many entrepreneurs experience bankruptcy before achieving their greatest successes:
“Entrepreneurial success and wealth creation… require a willingness to risk and experience failure and the emotional resiliency to recover from it quickly, decisively, passionately and persistently.” A past bankruptcy may reveal this trait, may have helped to develop this trait, or both.
More importantly, bankruptcy can be a profound experience that leads entrepreneurs to a new understanding of and relationship with money:
“You feel as if life is over, that you’ll never recover, that you’ll forever have a big red ‘B’ on your forehead, that you’ll never get credit. Then, when you discover none of that is true and that... wealth (is) replaceable more quickly and easily than the first time around, the light bulb comes on."
This "A-ha Moment" can be a turning point capable of banishing money fears: "What you feared was fatal turned out to be less than a flesh wound. Now you can’t be scared again.”
Probably nothing slows down and stops success as much as fear. Fear of success. Fear of failure. Conscious or unconscious debillitating fear. Kennedy observes,
"...more people are controlled and inhibited by their fears about money than by any other kind of fear…. When you jettison all money fears, you instantaneously become magnetic to money. I now believe your bank balance reflects the ratio of fear vs. confidence you have about money."
Sometimes the best antidote to your biggest fear is to walk through the fire and realize that it cannot destroy you.
Am I saying that bankruptcy is “no big deal” or a stepping stone to success? Hardly! Having your credit ruined can be painful and expensive. If anything, I am suggesting that the sooner we can learn the lessons that bankruptcy appears to have taught others, the sooner we can find our own path to lasting success and holistic wealth.
If you are going through a bankruptcy or foreclosure, do not despair. It is not the end, only a beginning in disquise.
Look to nature, observe the cycles of death and rebirth. Look to history and see new ideas, movements, even civilizations rising from the ashes of the old. Look to the great world religions and ancient myths; you’ll find themes of resurrection and rebirth in all of them.
Things may look dark, they may look hopeless, it may look like the game is over and you’ve already lost. But nothing could be further from the truth.
For many of us, this has been a difficult financial year. It has been difficult for me, too, and yet, I would not trade all that I have learned for an easier year.
I have learned valuable lessons about business, investing, liquidity, diversification, and economic market cycles. (Much of this I had “learned” previously in books, but experience is a more lasting teacher.)
I can see on a deeper, more profound level that I am truly not my money, what I do, nor my reputation. I have discovered new levels of wealth, worth and wisdom on the inside that do not revolve around my temporary external circumstances. While my net worth has plummetted with the markets, I have built my inner strength and determination. I am re-building my value from the inside out.
Whatever you are going through, may you find healing, strength, and peace and joy beyond all circumstance.
Financial failure? It could cost you everything you own.
Finding yourself? Priceless.
Founder of Total Wealth Coaching, Kate Phillips is a Speaker, Trainer, Coach and "Financial Healer," assisting solopreneurs in creating wealth from the inside out. She is also a professional singer-songwriter.
Learn more about the author, Kate Phillips.
incredbile article, Kate...of course, it's right on the money! :) And to think I am in great company, as my hubby and I live on borrowed money (and time?).
No time to post more now, but I'll be reading this again...and again, and comment some more later.
Thanks for sharing!
Elke
Elke, Thanks for providing this group!
I might re-work it just a bit for "wider biznik" submission, it felt vey timely as an "Easter post" and indeed I spent much of easter writing and editing it to let the inspiration express itself while it was still easter!
I just realized I meant to post one more article... it's from last year, but seems to be more relevant now than then.
Thanks for your comments and encouragement, Kate
yes, I would agree...just shorten it up, and do share with the wider biznik population. It will be much appreciated, I'm sure.
abundant blessings,
Elke
Finally... I just edited this for the broader audience. Full-length original version is at http://totalwealthcoaching.com/wp/?p=776. (Ok, it's really sad that I have to edit down to 1500 words!)
great for you!!!!!
and we all appreciate your thoughts and wisdom...keep writing.
I have several "favorite" authors on Biznik and I would have to say you are my "inspirational author." What comes from you is indeed a blessing, especially this article, at this time.
I think that Dan Kennedy's theory about why so many entrepreneurs experience bankruptcy before amazing success is so true. We wouldn't succeed if we were not willing to give so much up to get there. Risk takers we are.
But, to me, the most important lesson that I was reminded of in your article is that it is not money or position in life that defines who we are.
Kate, I am sure that everyone struggling right now will be uplifted by this article. You continue to be one of my favorite Biznik authors. Amazing insights here.
Kate, You are very, very wise. I just want to say that as my entire comment. I could pull out pieces from the whole article but it is enough to say, you are very, very wise!
Judy, what fun to hear that you think of me as your favorite "inspirational" author! Thanks for that, and for your other comments.
I think the tricky delicate thing is to be able to separate ourselves from money to the extent that it does not "define" who we are, without succumbing to "either/or" thinking that says "money isn't important" or "you can either be happy or be rich." Those are all false dichotomies that are ultimately nothing more than excuses and justifications.
Money is important in the areas that money is important in. It's important in paying the mortgage, not important in defining our self-worth. Money is important when it supports us in carrying out our mission; it's critical to be able to see money as our ally and not the thing that stops us from succeeding.
Terra, thank-you! You are very, very kind.
Wonderful article! Very timely and relevant not only in the current economic conditions, but in good times too. Many of our problems right now stem from people using money to define who they are to the point that it became a front that was not maintainable... but we all know that now. Or do we?
You have a very identifiable picture, I will watch for more articles from you!
Melanie
Thanks Melanie.
I like how you worded that - it's occuring to me that the problem of using money as a "front" that is not maintainable is a corporate problem as well as a personal problem.
Yes, I love my picture (and it is identifiable), but I've had so many people not recognize me in personal that I will probably be changing it soon!
Hi Kate! Thanks, what a great article. I couldn't agree more. I took and left a horrible oppressive job that paid very well a few months ago. the next morning I met a friend to breakfast and I was FLOODED with amazing ideas for the future. I felt like I'd been drowning and now had a new lease on life.
I'd love to post this article on 800Muses.com, together with your bio and photo. There's a profile form I'd need you to submit at http://www.800Muses.com that just includes your bio info, etc.
I'd love to have you "there" for the launch June 1. Cheers, Yvonne
Thanks for sharing your experience, Yvonne. Sometimes we pretend that money is a "trap" that keeps us from our dreams (or makes us take jobs we hate), but actually, it's not! We have more choice than we realize.
And thanks for your invitation to republish. Yes, I'd love to submit this to 800 Muses - thank-you! I'll have to check that out later and will be in touch with you. (I also have a slightly different version of the article on my blog, we'll have to see which version resonates the best for that audience.)
Yvonne,
Thank you for briefly sharing your "in and out" of a high paying, yucky job story. I am finding myself faced with these tough decisions, and it is amazingly validating to hear the stories of others who have taken the risk, and seen what is found on the other-side of that "wall".
Those of you who've had that view, taken the leap off a secure wall and into the mysterious other side (or what is mysterious to the rest of us, but maybe not to you anymore) I would love details of what it's like over there. You might inspire more of us to take that leap!!!
Melanie
Melanie, I am a serial entrepreneur and I have an idea every minute and a half for a new business. All I can say is that it's very draining working for a company who doesn't know what a bright star you are!
It takes its toll. I had a strong enough self image that I knew it was THEM that were wrong, but if I'd stayed much longer, I might have started drinking the koolaid, and that would have been criminal.
In this job market I would be remiss not advising you to have a plan in place before you jump ship. I didn't (!) but I have worked for myself before. I knew that it was wrong to be as terribly unhappy as I was.
So what's it like? Every day I am energized, enthused, and excited about what's around the corner. The possibilities are limitless! I sometimes have trouble focusing I've got so many great ideas and opportunities coming at me.
If I can help you at ALL with resources, bouncing ideas off, etc. I will be happy to. Let's stick it to the Dark Side!
Best wishes, Yvonne
Kate,
Excellent article. The stories we tell ourselves about the events unfolding in our lives dictate our actions. Great examples and stories.
Thanks Rick. The stories we tell ourselves are the way we "frame" everything. Whether we see something as a "failure" or "learning experience" will have a huge impact on our ability to take risks in the future.
This is a really great article and timely to boot! This is one of those articles that entrepreneurs should print and post above their desks to remind them to keep things in perspective. You make some really profound points. Keep up the great work!
Thanks Jennifer! There's a lot of financial pain going around these days... but it doesn't have to be fatal. It can be the "dirt" that beautiful things bloom from... (wow, duh, just realized how "dirt" is a word meaning something dirty and low, ALSO the stuff from which so much life and beauty grows... what a great analogy!)
I know another Jennifer Taylor... but not in Seattle. You're in good company;-)
Kate, I love the premise of your article, I love the stories, I love the list of famous people who have "gone broke" before triumphing. Excellent work - timely, uplifting, and well written. Thank You!
Thanks Kate!!! I love to read it and make us confidence to overcome our lose...I think we can add Thomas Alva Edison too those who have gone broke ....
"It is not about the money." "It" can be replaced by any noun, even Money, and if you really think about it, it is not about the money.
Fantastic article your passion is contagious!
Cheers
Thanks for the comments!
I checked out Edison, I see that at least a couple of his companies delared bankruptcy, including one that specialized in making concrete houses and tried to market other concrete goods such as concrete furniture and pianos. So I guess his ideas weren't all brilliant... but he never gave up and acquired more than 1,000 patents in his lifetime!
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