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Jerry Hocutt
Author, Speaker, Sales Trainer
Kent, Washington
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Hand Signals

Ever wonder why you feel uncomfortable meeting someone for the first time?  Wonder why you don't get invited back for that second interview?  Here's a clue.

Written Dec 15, 2007, read 4799 times since then.
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Imagine you're at a networking function and meet a stranger who gives you the "palm down" handshake. That is, the palm of her hand is turned towards the ground at about a 45-degree angle. This forces the palm of your hand upwards.

What ten messages did you just pick up before she even spoke?

  1. Chances are she is a decision-maker with her company. It's been found that 78% of upper-management people will use this palm down handshake.
  2. Her message: "I do the talking. You do the listening."
  3. When she forced your palm up, she placed you in a submissive position. She wants to be in control.
  4. Don't ask a lot of questions.
  5. Expect quick decisions.
  6. She goes with her gut, and her instincts are usually right.
  7. Don't engage in small talk, cut to the chase, and expect to be interrupted often.
  8. She talks quidkly so you'll have to match her speed to keep from losing her.
  9. She's not bothered by the fear of rejection.
  10. She's direct and blunt and won't mind telling you what she thinks. Hurt your feelings? Too bad. "Get over it" are words that will be carved on her tombstone.

One final note: in America the handshakes are not gender specific. Men will use these handshakes on other men, women will use them on other women, and men and women will use them on each other.

 

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Comment on this article

  • Chief Executive Officer Federal Way, Washington Richard Whitaker
    Posted by Richard Whitaker, Federal Way, Washington | Dec 16, 2007

    I have learned never to extend my hand first because my prospect may make the assumption that I'm just another sales person. I want to set myself apart from all the other "just sales people".

  • Director, Social Media Seattle, Washington Brian Crouch
    Posted by Brian Crouch, Seattle, Washington | Dec 21, 2007

    Jerry thanks for your article.

    Also, Jerry, I typically extend my hand palm upwards immediately upon meeting a person for the first time. Although I am a type A personality, I use the "submissive" handshake because the other person deserves to be comfortable and at ease. My perspective on business is that I'm there to give something, and to help the other party, not dominate them or to take anything; that should be reflected in all verbal and non-verbal communication. Thus, they aren't a "prospect," and certainly not "my prospect," but a person with whom I'm dealing. They will see me as the same: a person, not a label. Everything flows from that perspective.

    If they had extended their hand first then my handshake is a reactive response instead of a proactive offering, so I'd prefer to be the first with the offer.

  • Managed DNS Service Provider San Francisco, California Michael Halligan
    Posted by Michael Halligan, San Francisco, California | Jan 19, 2008

    Could you please cite your source for the 78% statistic, along with information about the study was conducted? Or did this come from a "I'm a business guru, buy my book" type resource?

  • Web Site Marketing Coach Seattle, Washington Cathy Goodwin
    Posted by Cathy Goodwin, Seattle, Washington | Feb 09, 2008

    Interesting article...what about "palm sideways?"

  • Author, Speaker, Sales Trainer Kent, Washington Jerry Hocutt
    Posted by Jerry Hocutt, Kent, Washington | Feb 09, 2008

    Michael: I'm certainly no guru and hate the word...and am especially suspicious of anyone who says they are. Best source for handshakes: Allan Pease, the body language expert in his two books Signals and The Definitive Book on Body Language.

    Cathy: that is the most accepted B2B handshake (as long as you go web-to-web at the thumbs and don't make it a dead fish or half hand handshake).

    Brian: To me, the palm up handshake is the best of them all and the one I use. It immediately relaxes the other person and they will open up more quickly and you have a much better conversation.

  • Photographer New York, New York Koren Reyes
    Posted by Koren Reyes, New York, New York | Mar 14, 2008

    Thanks very much for posting this. And thanks for responding to the commentors' questions.

    When do you think it's appropriate to extend a palm-down handshake?

  • Author, Speaker, Sales Trainer Kent, Washington Jerry Hocutt
    Posted by Jerry Hocutt, Kent, Washington | Mar 14, 2008

    Koren - thanks for your comment. I would never use the palm-down as a tactic to get the upper hand on someone. Just knowing that they're initiating it on me is enough of a red signal for me to be on my guard.

    But I do know several Driver personalities who will use the palm down technique when they go into negotiations.

    Also, when I was doing a training session with a large newspaper group, I was told by several managers that they went to a class that taught them to specifically use the palm down shake on their upcoming negotiations with labor. They said it worked like a charm and they won their negotiation points.

    The more you know...

  • Photographer New York, New York Koren Reyes
    Posted by Koren Reyes, New York, New York | Mar 14, 2008

    Great perspective - thank you.

  • B2B graphic designer & writer Paramus, New Jersey Bruce Colthart
    Posted by Bruce Colthart, Paramus, New Jersey | Mar 21, 2008

    All this discussion so close to Palm Sunday...I wish my reading this article was timed better(!)

    While I'm quite critical of handshakes I've received – the limp fish, the bone crusher, the royal fingertips (I'm sure there's more accepted names) – I wasn't aware of the palm-up/down issue. Very interesting! I'll be adding the palm-up handshake to my introduction.

  • Purveyor of fun and pleasure Portland, Oregon Vicki Kriner
    Posted by Vicki Kriner, Portland, Oregon | Jun 10, 2008

    This was a very interesting piece (and subsequent comments!) on all of the communication contained in a simple hand shake.

    I will look more closely at the hands offered at my next networking event, and at the silent messages they are sending.

    Vicki Kriner

    www.ScarletGirl.com

  • Interior Designer, Kitchen + Bath Designer Seattle, Washington Marie Lail Blackburn
    Posted by Marie Lail Blackburn, Seattle, Washington | Mar 28, 2009

    Well, I had no idea! I'll certainly pay more attention to the messages I'm sending...and receiving. Thank you.

  • Author, speaker, coach, consultant, radio host Anaheim Hills, California Flora Brown
    Posted by Flora Brown, Anaheim Hills, California | Oct 02, 2009

    Thanks for this insight on the palm-down/up handshake. As I was reading I was trying to remember an example of this handshake in my networking, but I can't remember one.

    I will be on the lookout for it in the future and heed what it signals.

  • GM, Tour guide, social media director Seattle, Washington Steve Powell
    Posted by Steve Powell, Seattle, Washington | Dec 02, 2009

    This is a bit like watching a video, with commentary about body language. Gosh! I didn't know that, but I wonder if it really does play out that way? 'tis a joy to be simple? No, Vicki, its COMPLICATED when you are offering even a simple handshake. lol

  • Outsourced Construction Bookkeeping And Accounting Specialists Lynnwood, Washington Randal DeHart, PMP, QPA
    Posted by Randal DeHart, PMP, QPA, Lynnwood, Washington | Jun 01, 2011

    Jerry,

    Good insights regarding how to communicate a message with a handshake.

    Warm Regards,

    Randal

    Contractors Accounting And Bookkeeping Services
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