How to Be in Charge (without Being a Jerk)

Earlier this year, I was working at a sales training seminar and we were on the topic of  handling customer objections. A participant who owns a massage therapy practice was asking how to best address a prospective client who didn't want to follow his recommended course of treatment. We opened the question up to other audience members to share their experience. A couple people spoke up and their advice, however well-intended, just felt off to me. The advice focused on listening and negotiating with the prospect: finding a compromise position between what the prospective client was willing to do and what the massage therapist was prescribing. I took the microphone back, and said, "You know what, you've been a massage therapist for years. You know what works and what doesn't work. You're the expert here and if you don't think what you're client is asking for is going to help, tell them that and stand firm on your recommendation." It was uncomfortable to disagree with these other two professionals. They had a lot of experience in sales and marketing but in this case they were missing an important point: When you own a business and offer expert advice, you're the boss. You're the leader and customers are coming to you for your leadership. Isn't Saying "What I Say, Goes" Arrogant and Obnoxious? Well, yes, actually, that is pretty arrogant and obnoxious. But that's not what I'm suggesting. To explain let's look for a moment at the bigger picture of what it means to own a business. A concept mentioned by all the great spiritual teachers is that of the "servant-leader." In Christianity the term "stewardship" is often used. In more secular terms, the servant-leader means that the real authority is a higher power: something bigger and grander than just us: a greater good in the universe. If you created your business as a means to make money and to make a positive difference, your position as a business owner is an interesting one. In a sense your business is a vehicle to serve a greater good and you get to be a steward: entrusted to do the right thing. Part of doing the right thing is serving your customers. And in my book, if the value your business offers is based in your expertise, serving customers requires that you be an expert and stand in what you know as an expert. Drawing the Line Between Being an Expert in Service vs. Being an Argumentive Jerk Ok so where do you draw the line? I mean there are plenty of experts out there who have lots of legitimate expertise but are still being jerky. Well this is where we check into our hearts and look at our motives. Let's go back to the example of the massage therapist. The basis of the disagreement between the massage therapist and his client was around what was going to best help the client. I don't recall the exact basis of the disagreement but let's just say the the massage therapist tells the client they need to come in weekly if they want help with severe lower back pain. The client says, "I'm really busy and I can't afford to come in every week, can't I get the same results if I come in a couple times this month?" The massage therapist has years of training and experience. He knows that if the client doesn't follow his recommendation chances are really good that the client won't the relief he wants. This is a situation when, as an expert and business owner, it's important to step into your role as a leader. Your role is to check in with your expertise and conscience for the best course of action to help your customers get the support they've come to you for. The client may not like your recommendation and that's ok. They may even leave and go to a competitor. It's painful to lose a customer but customers who can't or won't follow your guidance aren't going to be served by you anyway. Keys to Being a Non-Jerky Boss I realize motives can be tricky. Are you taking a stand because you're on an ego trip and you've got to be right or is it primarily because you're trying to be of service to your customers and clients. Key #1 Give yourself a Break: You're Human! Just the fact that you're asking the question shows an admirable willingness to find a better way of doing things. No one does anything—in business or otherwise—because of a single motive. Maybe you're in business mostly because you want to make a difference but hey your ego likes being seen as an expert and and maybe a very small part of you wants to prove to naysayers that it can be done. Empathy for yourself is not a luxury, it's a necessity for having effective relationships with others...including clients. Key #2  Clarify, really why are you taking the position you're taking? It's not easy taking a stand--especially if it's likely to be unpopular. Which is why it helps to stand solidly in why you're holding you're particular point of view. I find it helpful to ask yourself, "What's my highest intention in this situation?" In the case of the massage therapist, his highest intention isn't absence of pain for his patients although that is one outcome they get. His highest intention is to help clients become more aware of their bodies so they can learn to prevent conditions that led to the pain to begin with. Key #3  Find empathy for others In our culture, it's easy to mistake taking a position for being "right" and those who don't share our position as being "wrong." And when we get attached to our "right way" of doing something we can sound critical and judgmental which leads to resistance and defensiveness in the other person and drives them away. A quote I really appreciate  from Thomas J. Leonard's book, Simply Brilliant is: "People are always doing their best, even when they aren't" Some things that have helped me develop my sense of empathy: <ul> <li>even if I don't agree with someone's reason it still feels true for them </li> <li>it's possible that I'm not the best person to help the other person get what they need</li> <li>remember there's a greater good in charge of outcomes--I'm just a steward</li> </ul> Key #4 Remember it isn't About Being Right; It's About Providing Leadership for Those Who Want What You Offer This is probably the most important point to remember. It isn't about you being right for everyone who might need your service. But there are people, your "tribe" if you prefer, who are seeking others they can do business with who share your values. These are the customers who resonate with your highest intention. You're job is to stand strongly in your position for these customers so they can find you and feel supported by you. This how you are in service. Bottom Line When you own a business and offer expert advice, you're the boss. You're the leader and customers are coming to you for your leadership. But just because you're in charge doesn't mean you have license to be a jerk. Effective leadership means remembering you're in the position you're in to serve a greater good: to support the customers who share your values and need the solutions your business offers. 2009-10-21T00:07:54Z

2009-10-21T02:42:05Z

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how-to-be-in-charge-without-being-a-jerk

2009-10-21T02:40:55Z

2009-10-21T02:42:05Z

When you own a business and offer expert advice, you're the boss. You're the leader and customers are coming to you for your leadership. So how can you be the boss without being a big jerk?

How to Be in Charge (without Being a Jerk)

2009-10-21T02:42:05Z