How to Put The Law of Reciprocity to Work in Your Business

Operating your business with generosity and integrity pays tremendous dividends. The Law of Reciprocity guarantees it. It is at the root of remarkable customer service. Put this principle to work and watch your client relationships flourish.

Written Aug 31, 2009, read 4146 times since then.

Understand The Law of Reciprocity

Very early in my sales career a wise mentor told me that being successful in business is akin to putting effort into the front end of a very long, dark pipe and reaping rewards from the other end. The rewards we reap are in direct proportion to the effort we expend. This is the Law of Reciprocity. And it’s called by many names. In one of his essays, Brian Tracy explained this principle:

“Perhaps the most powerful principle of all in personal influence is contained in what is called the Law of Reciprocity. It is also called the Law of Sowing and Reaping, and the Law of Action and Reaction. . . . and Napoleon Hill called it the Law of Overcompensation. Probably the best summary of the Law of Reciprocity is the Golden Rule, which says to do unto others as you would have them do unto you, to love others as you love yourself.”

Ralph Waldo Emerson observed, “It is one of the most beautiful compensations in life that no man can sincerely try to help another without helping himself.”

Finally, one of our most prolific late 20th century poets, Paul McCartney phrased it simply, "And, in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make."

Nice, huh? By the way, this principle is immutable. Like the Law of Gravity, whether you choose to “believe” it, matters not. The force of gravity works just as effectively on those who recognize it as on those who are ignorant to its effects. And so it is with The Law of Reciprocity.

The catch, however, is that the payoffs are seldom in proportion to the time and energy invested in any specific project or customer. Often rewards come from unforseen sources, and at times we least expect them. I think every business owner understands the Law of Reciprocity at some level. But not grasping the indirect connection leads inevitably to frustration and disappointment. When I finally understood this principle and owned it, I relaxed. I knew that my ALL my efforts would eventually be rewarded in one form or another. I stopped keeping score and began serving my customers to the best of my ability.

Oh, the Humanity! Customers are Just People

The basis for developing remarkable relationships is really nothing more than remembering your customers and clients are - at the heart of it - people. This means they have hopes, disappointments, joys, tragedies, worries and victories…just like you.

Try this exercise the next time you’re discussing business with a prospect or a customer: Take a brief mental step back and silently ask the question, “I wonder what this person’s greatest hope is? Then reenter the conversation and see if anything has changed in your relationship. My bet is that your level of empathy and relatedness will rise significantly.

Now that you’re viewing them as a fellow human being, what can you do to acknowledge that? Here’s a short list:

Ask them about upcoming vacations
Inquire about their family
Ask what they like about their car.
Ask how they arrived at their current position. The answer to this question will often give you terrific insight into a person’s core values.
Be alert for significant events in their life. They might mention an upcoming anniversary or child’s graduation for instance. Perhaps they celebrated a birthday recently. (Hint: balloons, flowers and cards displayed at their desk give you implicit permission to make an inquiry.)

Become a skillful listener. Simply by taking your eyes off of yourself and paying attention to other people, you’ll be amazed at the things you’ll discover about others.

The Million Dollar Relationship

Several years ago I met a young woman named Catherine at a trade fair. She was looking for a printer to help her with a project she had recently been assigned. As printing projects go, it was extremely detailed, requiring a lot of my attention and effort to ensure she got the quality final printed piece she was expecting. This was Catherine’s first project in her position with this employer so she was understandably a bit nervous about making a great impression.

I gave an inordinate amount of attention to this project to make sure it was a success. Were I “keeping score”, I would have been embarrassed to admit the paltry sum I earned for my efforts, with respect to the hours I invested.

During the course of our collaboration I took an interest in her, asking questions about her family, her hobbies and her aspirations. Some months later, Catherine took a position with another larger firm. I continued to stay in touch with her and over the ensuing couple of years she was promoted to a position working directly with the marketing director of this company.

Because I had maintained our relationship I was top of mind when her boss was searching for a new printer. She heartily recommended our company to the marketing director. Introductions were made and, long story short, we have done over a million dollars in business with this company over the last few years and continue to share a mutually profitable relationship.

Never, in my wildest imaginings, would I have predicted that the extra energy I gave to Catherine and her first project would, years later, yield such generous rewards. THAT is The Law of Reciprocity in action!

What Investment Will You Make Today?

Investment in your business’s capital and equipment is critical your business’s success. No less important is investing your time and energy to ensure your clients get the best from you…always. You will be presented opportunities to make that investment daily. Sometimes those opportunities show up in the oddest of circumstances. Just look for them.

Last year I noticed birthday balloons at the desk of one of my customer’s employees. I casually asked if that particular day was her birthday. When she replied that it was, I wished her a Happy Birthday then later recorded the date in my PDA with a 5-day reminder before the event the following year. Exactly a year later I wished her a Happy Birthday again. She was dumbfounded that I knew it was her birthday. Of course she’d forgotten our exchange the year prior. After recovering from the initial shock, she positively glowed. This wasn’t about me being cute and remembering her special day. It was about acknowledging her and nothing more. And to take it a step further, I have no direct dealings with this person. The likelihood that she will ever influence a buying decision is slim. But I’m secure in knowing that my kindness will be repaid. Perhaps my reward will come indirectly and maybe not for years to come. But it will come.

It’s the Law….The Law of Reciprocity.

Learn more about the author, Jess Robinson.

Posted by Diane Bridgwater, Bothell, Washington | Sep 01, 2009

Good article, Jess. I totally agree. I have had the same clients for 15 years because of this philosophy. Keep it up, you are doing a great job!
Posted by Jess Robinson, Bellingham, Washington | Sep 01, 2009

Thanks Diane. I'm glad to hear you're putting it to work in your business with great success!
Posted by Kumar Kumar, Bellevue, Washington | Sep 01, 2009

Jess, I totally agree with the "Law of Reciprocity" here and once again this reinforces my believe how a slow and steady (patience and persistent) can win the race! Great article, indeed!
Posted by Howard Howell, Seattle, Washington | Sep 02, 2009

Jess... Thank you for reminding us to pay a little more attention even though there is no apparent gain for ourselves. We really need to become friends before people want to do business with us and we never know where today's friends will turn up tomorrow. ...Howard
Posted by Jess Robinson, Bellingham, Washington | Sep 02, 2009

Kumar & Howard, thank you for your comments. You're right. Practicing patience and paying attention are key factors in developing those long term relationships.
Posted by Deborah Brown, Portland, Oregon | Sep 02, 2009

Great, timeless advice, Jess. I appreciate you sharing this!

Deborah
Posted by Jess Robinson, Bellingham, Washington | Sep 02, 2009

You're welcome, Deborah. Thank you for commenting.
Posted by Julie Hutton, Kirkland, Washington | Sep 03, 2009

Great article Jess. This is so spot-on. I love the Million Dollar example. Again, it proves you can never know where you best business can come from. I look forward to seeing you again soon.

warmest regards, Julie Hutton
Posted by Jess Robinson, Bellingham, Washington | Sep 03, 2009

Thank you Julie! Yep, it's that great unknown that makes business such an exciting endeavor.
Posted by Winnie Lau-Heath, Bellevue, Washington | Sep 03, 2009

Great reminder! Thanks for your input, Jess.
I totally agree that people easily know if you work for your own sake, or work with them & put yourself in their shoes.
Posted by Lee Kaplanian, Seattle, Washington | Sep 03, 2009

Hi Jess,

Really great article! It seemed so often I met people who are more interested in "selling" me than anything about me as a person. I treat prospects and clients the way I want to be treated - forget suggestive sell, it makes me cranky! Lately I have done more connecting that anything else, it has helped the people I know who do a great job and also helps those looking for that particular contact. Last week I met someone for coffee just to become better acquainted, ended up introducing her to my travel agent and now she will be speaking on a cruise. I introduced her to my tax ma who does Santa during the holidays - he sister was looking to hire a Santa. I had a call from her a week later looking ofr $100 gift for several speakers - her committee just decided to work on the dinner that is on the 19th. I had already invited when we had coffee her to my Wednesday morning networking group and she met several others who have services she needed. I was having lunch with one of the members and she invited this woman to have lunch with us and they got along famously. There is a real satisfaction to connecting people to those who can help - a win/win all around. I like helping people and it amazes me that I know so many people doing all kinds of things.

Lee cmtiwest.com
Posted by Ted Hilliard, Tracyton, Washington | Sep 03, 2009

One of the most basic of truths - and brilliantly articulated!
Posted by Jess Robinson, Bellingham, Washington | Sep 03, 2009

Winnie - Well put. It's all about empathy.

Lee - Wow, you're a busy woman! I wonder if you've read Tim Sanders' book, Love is the Killer Ap? You're a living embodiment of Tim's premise, that being a connector for people makes you an invaluable resource in their world...and the rewards always follow. Congrats!

Ted - Thanks for the compliment.

Thank you all for taking time to comment here.
Posted by Laurie Landeros, Seattle, Washington | Sep 03, 2009

Thanks Jess, for reminding us that a little generosity goes a long way. I've found that the 'Law' applies to every situation and every action - or inaction - and that it's always best to err on the side of kindness
Posted by Kathy Morgan, Phoenix, Arizona | Sep 03, 2009

Thank you Jess, this was exactly what I needed to read today. I really like your suggestion about wondering what the other person's greatest hope is - great way to take the focus and the worry off of "will I say the right thing next?"
Posted by Ericka Bakkom, Bellingham, Washington | Sep 04, 2009

LOVE, love love this article!!! My graphic design business is fairly new and this is exactly how I have been working/ networking. I am not a pushy sales type of person ... and I had been behind the scene for so many years. So it was really hard when I first started networking ... but all I did was start talking about my passions [I even threw in some of my insecurities about networking] and asking them about theirs [not their insecurities]. I was really shocked when a lot of work started pouring in ... call it Karma or whatever ... but I am very real/honest/compassionate with my clients and LOVE what I do! You nailed this one on the head for me … THANK YOU for reinforcing my path!
Posted by Danielle Renee Mullen, Haverhill, Massachusetts | Sep 04, 2009

Thanks Jess for the great article!

It is has always been my belief as well, but I know we all need to be reminded. Myself included :).

The beauty of email or doing business online is that you can read your response before sending it off. We are all so busy and many times cut right to the chase with business. Everyone should all reread their correspondence and add some real humaness to their writings before hitting send. It makes a world of difference.

Thanks again for the reminder!
Posted by Tara Bruley, Marysville, Washington | Sep 04, 2009

Great article! I am finding more and more people embracing this philosophy as times get tough. It is very refreshing!
Posted by Janet Burchfield, Coupeville, Washington | Mar 10, 2010

I just happened across your article and beamed as I read it. I thought to myself, he is surely as kind to the receptionist as to the CEO, as gracious to the busser as to the chef, and scatters smiles and goodwill freely and wholeheartedly.

Reciprocity? Nice side benefit. Genuine kindess? Makes a life joyful.

I laughingly joke that if I give away enough bouquets of flowers, eventually one will come my way just when I least expect and truly need one. Always works out that way.

Thanks for a refreshing read! Janet