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Ice Breakers 101: Make Sense, Not Sales

Engaging the senses is the best way to make an instant connection. Get someone talking about a sound, sight, or feeling and you're aligned in a way that opens doors to bigger and better sales.

Written Jul 30, 2010, read 3127 times since then.

In his book, How to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or Less, Nicholas Boothman challenges us to discover our prospects’ favorite senses. As a sense - not sales - oriented person, I’ve been doing this for awhile now and making friends (and customers) along the way.

Instead of the usual, “Nice weather we’re having,” I could try, “Can’t you just hear that sunshine?” If my prospect says, “Sure, just listen to the birds and the breeze hissing through the grass,” I know I’ve got their ear. If on the other hand, they say, “You’re crazy. You can’t hear sunshine.” Well, I have to explore a bit more. “But it’s so bright and blue out today.” They give a look of relief and say, “Oh I see. Sure is the opposite of grey.” Now, I’ve just got their visual attention. What if they say, “I don’t know about all that, but I like the warmth and the way it smells when it’s sunny.” They take a deep breath, loosen their collar, and I know I’ve just made a connection around physical sensation. In each of these scenarios, I take a genuine interest in learning another's favorite sense. Once I discover that, we’re aligned in a way that creates an instant connection.

Ice breakers are a fun, disarming way to get to know someone. The best ones engage the senses and allow another to reveal a casual fact about themselves. Often, when I meet someone for the first time, I’ll ask, “What’s the first song you can remember?” It really says a lot about a person. What it says about me is music and sound play a huge part in how I connect with people. The actual song doesn’t really matter. If they can’t remember I’ll guess that something else broke through their early sensory experiences – something they saw or felt. That’s not to say music is just for the ears. Music is seen and felt as much as heard. Like a lot of us, I have vivid memories of not only the sound, but also of the sight and feeling of music at the earliest age. What was the first song I can remember? It was a cute piano ditty called Alley Cat by Bent Fabric.

I was less than a year old in 1970 when a block party band was playing an amped-up version of this tune just outside the window of my Brooklyn apartment. It was past my bedtime and I remember pining to get closer. I cried myself to sleep that night wondering what it was that just broke through my sensory experience. I had no concept of “drums,” “bass,” or “guitar." Still, I remember feeling that something impressive was happening on the street below.

People I meet who transform sounds, sights, and feelings into impressive experiences for others – a.k.a. artists – will tell me similar stories. Artists of all kinds tend to remember their breakthrough sensory experiences. What’s even better, they adore telling you about them. Anytime you get an artist talking about a sound, sight, or feeling you’re aligned and making an instant connection.

The true story is, we’re all artists. There’s a part of our brains that thrives on sensory experiences (as opposed to logical ones). Following Nicholas Boothman and engaging my love of the senses, I've made lucrative connections a whole lot quicker by bypassing another’s capacity for reason.

So the next time you need an ice breaker for a big sale, try going for a sound, sight, or feeling. And, if you’re chatting with me at the next Biznik event (wink), engage my inner muse and you’ll discover an instant connection.

Learn more about the author, Frank Aversano, ND.

Posted by Karen Whittier, Seattle, Washington | Aug 06, 2010

Really enjoyed your article and point of view. As a (retired )preschool teacher I was aware of and designed activities with multiple intelligences in mind....it makes 'sense' to continue with that awareness in building business relationships.
Posted by Frank Aversano, ND, Bellevue, Washington | Aug 06, 2010

Thanks for the kind words, Karen. I find that social intelligence is often more relevant than being the first to solve the math problem. And gratitude for the tweet.
Posted by Jana Hagen, Seattle, Washington | Aug 06, 2010

Very good article! Thank you for reminding me about ways to connect to others!
Posted by Dr. Karen La, Redmond, Washington | Aug 07, 2010

Good article! Very helpful!
Posted by Frank Aversano, ND, Bellevue, Washington | Aug 07, 2010

Jana, Karen - Thanks for the comment. I'm always reminding myself that folks interact with products and services using their senses.
Posted by Timothy Sternling, Gig Harbor, Washington | Aug 07, 2010

The important thing for me is that your article may have increased my peripheral sales-vision.

I am always looking for some sort of ice-breaking, disarming comment/question that conveys a feeling of caring to my prospects. I still get beat up in the marketplace.

These ideas my take some practice to implement but I will try them.

Thanks!
Posted by Frank Aversano, ND, Bellevue, Washington | Aug 09, 2010

Timothy - reading that you've increased your peripheral sales "vision" gives us a clue to your favorite sense. Thanks for the comment.
Posted by Rochelle Clark, LMP, CLT, Seattle, Washington | Aug 09, 2010

Great article! As a healer and massage therapist, my sensory perception is through "feeling," and intuition. Your article had very helpful tips and reminders of other "sensory" ways for me to break the ice and engage in a creative fashion. Thank you.
Posted by Frank Aversano, ND, Bellevue, Washington | Aug 10, 2010

Rochelle - your comments are heartfelt.
Posted by Zita Gustin, Bellevue, Washington | Aug 10, 2010

Hi Frank,

What a refreshing article! I hope that more people get the opportunity to read this and take your message to heart.

I very much dislike the concept of small talk ... which is what so many people rely on when they meet. I feel like it is a waste of good time to talk about the weather or traffic ... or God help us ... the Mariners.

Your ideas here will help many to find an easy way to be with another person and truly experience the savory sensory of being together in the now.

And as a fun aside, the first song that I can remember is 16 Tons by Tennessee Ernie Ford. Who knows what that will tell you about me ... except maybe that my parents were country music fans.

Thank you for this article. It gives me some new tools to bring into play when I am in conversation with people at events. And, it will add a fun edge to getting to know others!

The ABC's of Networking ... Always Be Connecting!
Posted by Judy Dunn, Seattle, Washington | Aug 11, 2010

Frank,

I can't believe I missed this article. You are a smart guy.

Not only does appealing to multiple senses break the ice at networking events, but if you market consistently in multi-sensory ways, you are delivering your messages in the modes people take in information and remember it best, whether it be auditory, visual or kinesthetic. And so your connections at networking events are richer and you are more memorable. Brilliant.

Oh, and the first song I remember? I was five. It was "I'm a Little Teapot." It was all the rage in the kindergarten circles. : )
Posted by Frank Aversano, ND, Bellevue, Washington | Aug 11, 2010

Zita,

Was just enjoying your interview with Nancy Juetten. The two of you together make quite a resourceful team. Thanks for the kind sentiments. 16 Tons is a sahweet little tune, ain't it?

Judy,

Apparently, you didn't miss it. You're right on time. From a fine writer like yourself, I appreciate the compliments. Teapot is a dance as well as a song appealing to both the physical and aural senses. (Oh, and did you know? Zita grew up with country music!).

Thanks to both of you for the fun and personally revealing chat.
Posted by Karen Whittier, Seattle, Washington | Aug 12, 2010

Judy,

As a retired preschool teacher I LOVE the first song you remember is "I'm a Little Teapot"! I think we're able to remember a lot of those earlier events because early childhood educators reach out to the students using a variety of modes just for the very reason you gave. Frank's article was a wake-up call in making more meaningful connections.
Posted by Judy Dunn, Seattle, Washington | Aug 12, 2010

Karen,

Nice to hear from a former educator ( as I am). It is true. We painted. We sang. We danced. Don't know if they still do that in pre-school, but it seemed to appeal to all of my senses.

And, yes, we still need to use these same strategies with people—even business people : )—to connect with their different styles.

Early childhood education rocks!
Posted by Frank Aversano, ND, Bellevue, Washington | Aug 12, 2010

Someone told me once, "We're all just big kids with wrinkles." Great to see connection around this article.
Posted by Judy Dunn, Seattle, Washington | Aug 12, 2010

Frank,

I love that quote. And, at least for me, it is true. Keeping in touch with the child in ourselves is a good thing. : )
Posted by Mike Margolies, Issaquah, Washington | Sep 19, 2010

Frank, I'm a month late to this party but I will add something from my field of sport psychology. When I am working with an athlete or business person on their goals I always ask the following questions: If you imagine achieving your goal- What does your goal taste, smell, sound or feel like when you achieve it? I find that those that are in touch with what they want to achieve know the answer to at least one part of the question. Those that have not thought their goal through or it is someone elses goal can not answer the question. Our senses are always part of the equation and if we engage them we get closer to what we want in life.
Posted by Frank Aversano, ND, Bellevue, Washington | Sep 20, 2010

I say great insights are never late, Mike. Sports achievement (a worthwhile pursuit per se) is a fine metaphor for pursuits of all kinds. As you say, getting your clients into "sense speak" about future accomplishments shortens the distance to their finish line. Thanks for your timely commentary.