Interrupting the Self Employment Dis-Ease!

Some common cures for the self-employment “dis-ease”   

I have been self-employed and have run small companies since 1985 and know all about the itty-bitty-shitty-committee that “makes” me feel as if I am never doing enough.  I know all about feeling isolated, anxious, exhausted and pressured.   I know intimately what it is like to not be able to stop thinking about work, or money or the undone tasks or where’s the next client coming from…ever.   I know how to spend way too much time in activities that produce nothing.  (True confessions? While in a particularly dark patch I watched the entire first season- 21 episodes- of Heroes in less than 3 days.  Yikes.  What are your favorite avoidance activities? One colleague gets lost in the land of Plants vs. Aliens- plants are winning :)

There are countless reasons we can at times become uncomfortable and ill at ease when running a business, but in my 27 + years experience I think isolation might top the cake. This is distinct from solitude for re-charging.  Isolation is a state that keeps us stuck and unhappy and thinking we are the only ones struggling with _____. Fill in the blank.

When we isolate, it is too easy to hide out and avoid the actions that will help our businesses and lives go better.  It is easy to forget when we are actually doing well.  Isolation makes it easy to get caught up in all the unfinished or less than perfect execution of tasks at hand and forget our human connections are actually more important.  When alone, it is too easy to succumb to the idea that everyone else is richer, better, faster and smarter.

In is easy to forget that as a species we were not designed to do everything by ourselves. Culturally we try to do too much without the support of others, acting as if this makes us better.  There is a misconception that asking for help makes us appear weak.  The truth is, we are helping and being helped by others all the time. It is a fallacy to think that we are doing almost anything by ourselves. Think about all that goes into turning on a light: design, manufacture, transportation, sales, installation, energy production, etc.  How many people helped create the roads we drive on? Or the food we eat?   We are receiving help all the time.  Life goes better and our businesses grow faster when we can consciously identify and receive the help we need.

One of the simplest and most powerful ways to interrupt the "dis-ease" of isolation is to quit pretending that everything is going just fine.  Bite the bullet and ask for help.

Below are some ideas for interrupting isolation, creating companionship and receiving help… 

Work-Play dates:  This is a way to provide structure to get through the tasks you avoid. I struggle with writing.  My friend struggles with data management.  We get together and she inputs contact information into her system while I sit and write.  We set a time, 60-90 minutes, and just keep going no matter what.  We acknowledge what we did, what went well and how it felt.  Then we go do something fun!

Accountability Buddies:  When I am in an active campaign to transform something in my business I set up structures for fulfillment. Having an accountability buddy is key to succeeding at meeting my goals. The structure that has worked best for me in the past is my buddy & I meet via phone 2-4 times a month and trade 10-20 minutes each way.  First we check in with a “new and good” from any domain in our lives then report on what we accomplished since the last call.  Next we go over the action items we are committing to for the day/week/month. The next call we check in with each other about whether or not we have completed tasks.  We hold each other Able.  I have used several people to be my buddies at different times and am so grateful to each and every one of them.  Also, it is truly awesome to witness/support someone else’s success!

Network with people you like:  I will just leave it at that :)  

Get an assistant or intern:  Having someone else working with you creates accountability and structure in another way.  You need to get clear on the projects you are moving forward and receiving help will train you to let go of doing everything by yourself. A good intern is excited to do the tasks you tend to avoid and they frequently want more to do!

Trade time: e.g. we organize your office first and then we organize mine.

Find a mastermind group:  There are many groups that can help you move to the next level in your business and life.  Several networking organizations offer ongoing or shorter groups to grow bigger, happier and faster. A well-run group of like-minded participants who share goals is priceless.

Join a marketing group such as BNI, go to more Biznik events, get coaching or counseling support...

And cut yourself some slack.  You are most likely already doing a lot that is going well.  Take time to notice!  I look forward to hearing your ideas about getting help as a business owner...