Jill Kremer

Composer
Seattle, Washington

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Listen to the silence

Can't hear yourself think? Here's some helpful hints to turning down the sound and turning up the silence. Improve your communications among your co workers and boss.

Written Feb 23, 2009, read 1011 times since then.

In an age of constant interacting with cell phones, computers, iPods and televisions,it's difficult enough to find silence, let alone listen to it. There seems to be an overwhelming need to be heard, take a stance or voice an opinion. That's all fine and good,but we seem to be losing the art of being quiet.

If you are ever around "quality silence", (and I don't mean the silence when you're in trouble and the ax is about to fall. I mean the kind of silence where some idea or thought surfaces from the moment) you'll understand the value of saying just a little bit less. This concept works in any social setting: at home, in the car, between friends, co workers, boss/employees, parent/child, teacher/student, nature or the general public. When we talk less it gives us an opportunity to learn or think something new.

Different Scenarios for Silence

Being Alone. The next time you're by yourself, either in the car or at home, try a little silence. Turn off the TV, computer, radio, even cell phone. You'll be surprised by the results. You'll actually be able to hear yourself think! All of the thoughts, inputs, and images from the outside will disperse and you'll be able to use your mind for what you want to think about. It could be reflecting on the day's activities, scheduling the next day, maybe even daydreaming.

When conversing with another person. The usual behavior is to NOT listen to what the other person is saying, because you're busy preparing your response. This is the perfect time to turn down the volume on the "self talk" blasting in your head and listen to the other person speak. After they are finished speaking, you should pause. By adding a pause this gives the opportunity for the other person to give additional information that would have been missed. Or if you are the next to speak, the silence prior to your statement has given emphasis to what you have to say. Therefore, more value is given to your opinion.

The group setting is certainly the hardest place to listen to silence. Usually, everyone is trying to get in their say. In this particular situation it's a good idea to set up guide lines in order to let ideas hang in the air and be digested. People tend to be reactive; therefore ideas are altered before they are given a chance. It's important to make sure everyone gets a chance to contribute. Allotting time is a good idea. And remember, add that silence.

Boss/Employee In this relationship, surprisingly its the boss who should be silent. The employee is used to listening. Sadly, in some cases the boss gets so caught up in managing that they forget to listen. To add silence in the conversation leaves room for insights, comments, questions, revelations, etc. Its in the silence that employees can share valuable ideas with their boss.

Environment . We are so inundated with constant information coming at us its nothing but habit to switch on the radio, TV, computer or cell phone. Trying some silence out in the general public is next to impossible. But by not controlling your own input, say talking on a cell phone, you end up opening yourself up to new stimuli which could inspire you. Example: during your commute on the bus you could overhear a conversation between friends which could inspire you to visit an old friend. Or instead of putting on the IPod for a run, just listen to the sounds of nature. We all have our own thoughts, dreams and goals. Maybe we just need some silence to hear what they are.

I recently read an article about children in a classroom having the activity of two extremes. First the class made a lot of noise. Then the class was completely silent. One of the students said the silence was "scary" because it was as if everyone was waiting for something to happen, but no one knew what it would be. Adults as well as children have fear of the unknown. But wonderful discoveries can rise from silence.

Learn more about the author, Jill Kremer.

Posted by Andy Bromberg, Concord, Massachusetts | Feb 25, 2009

Jill - Great article! Silence truly is golden. I keep a notepad and pencil by my bed at night, because I always get my best ideas right before I go to bed, when my house is at its quietest.

Regards, Andy
Posted by sweethearts unite, Edmonds, Washington | Feb 25, 2009

Jill,

Great reminder and oh so true. I have gone through waves in my life where I was quite silent and then more talkative periods. During my more talkative periods I have to remind myself to listen to silence. Sometimes I go as far as to try not to make a sound no matter where I'm am or what I'm doing. It feels very calming. Silent on the inside as well as the outside. Silencing the inner dialogue. Sometimes that can be difficult in which case I simply observe the mind rather than take an active part in it....That's meditation. Peace.
Posted by Tanya Willits, Seattle, Washington | Feb 26, 2009

Hi Jill,

I like your comment about setting guide lines in group settings as it's often difficult to get a word in. I sometimes find myself beginning to speak before the other person is even finished - bad, bad! Listening makes a lot more sense. Having a moment of silence gives everyone time to digest what's been said.

See you soon, Tanya

P. S. Love your picture!
Posted by Jill Kremer, Seattle, Washington | Feb 26, 2009

Thanks Tanya. I often find it difficult being quiet myself. JIll
Posted by Jill Kremer, Seattle, Washington | Feb 26, 2009

Hi Cindy. I like your comment about being quiet on the inside. Jill
Posted by Kevin Carey, Bainbridge Island, Washington | Nov 12, 2009

Hi Jill.

This was a great reminder of the power of being present. My wife Karen has just written an article for our blog about Reflective Listening, and your insight is a reminder of the importance of being aware and sensitive to the background noise in our lives.

Thank You .. Kevin Carey
Posted by Jill Kremer, Seattle, Washington | Nov 12, 2009

Hi Kevin, I'm all for Reflective Listening, I'll check out the article!
Posted by Carrie West, Bainbridge Island, Washington | Nov 19, 2009

Hi Jill, I love your ideas about silence. I usually am in silence at home and I find it very peaceful. A chance to be with myself and listen. Environmental awareness is important for me also. The rain on the roof, a bird call, and when I lived on the water, the sound of a storm or the sounds at low tide. It keeps me in touch with the seasons and the cycles of life.
Keeping in touch with my whole environment, keeps me in touch with a broader view, the bigger picture. I expand my possibilities this way.
Posted by Jill Kremer, Seattle, Washington | Nov 19, 2009

Great words Carrie, I'm glad you enjoyed the article. It is very important to keep in touch with a broader view. People tend to get bogged down with things right infront of them. Keep expanding those possibilities.