Messages Inside the Mime...Your Nonverbal Powers

Because I was born to a deaf mother; I had the distinct advantage of discovering, early in my life, that a very large percentage of human communication is nonverbal!!! How large? It’s debatable. There’s a big mystique around this and for argument’s sake, let’s say that it’s between 65 and 85 percent. Please allow me to qualify that further.

In my experience, I found that while the verbal content of what we say is very important; how we embellish it with our nonverbal language projects our truer intentions. My mother brought me into the deaf world when she began teaching me sign language when I was six months old. If you are familiar with sign language; these were basic hand signals like coffee, work, ice cream, funny, I love you and of course, Ma Ma.

All I can convey to you is that it was a unique and unparalleled experience. As I grew up, however, I rebelled against the deaf world and learning sign language fluently. To be honest, I was embarrassed and resentful because my Mother sounded funny when she talked and I perceived her as being impaired or was she? Am I my Own Man or My Mothers?

I also believe that because of my experience with being my mother’s “mouth piece,” her front person and interpreter as I grew up (I had to interpret for her including dealing with people on the phone; a very difficult task for a shy ten year old) it influenced me to go on and get a college degree in Speech and Theatre. In addition, at twenty years old I saw an ad in the Village Voice in New York for the American Mime Theatre and, again, I know now that, because of growing up with a deaf Mother, I was attracted to mime and the world of silence even though I rebelled.

I ended up auditing a class and studying at the American Mime Theatre for two years. It was a rigid and tense discipline and in the end, I did not take to it. Eventually, I found The Performance Center of Moni Yakim in New York and learned the more fluid movement style of “corporeal” mime that Etienne Decroux and Marcel Marceau made famous. That’s the mime technique most of the world is familiar with today.

I loved this lyrical style and studied it for three years. By the way, I saw Marcel Marceau perform several times in New York and after seeing him I knew it was what I wanted to do. My friends and family thought I was weird AND crazy because they wondered what a trained and talented speaking actor and singer was doing becoming a mime. I ended up performing street mime in Central Park and Greenwich Village while also becoming a professional mime touring the country with a mime troupe called “Mimika”.

My Mother, The Mime. However, it was only after my mother’s passing in 2006 that I fully realized the true impact she made on my life. She turned out to be one of the greatest mimes I ever knew and her impression on me deeply influenced my life. So today, I am not going to do this: mime picking a flower. As I mentioned; been there...done that (show picture of self doing mime in NYC).

After miming, acting and singing for ten years; I had the opportunity to go into broadcast media sales; specifically, radio sales. As I like to say: I went from manipulating air to selling air and now I’m full of hot air!!! I have done media sales for over twenty five years.

Early on, I began to see that enhancing my sales and my personal and professional relationships came with understanding body language or more appropriately, nonverbal communication (because body language is not a language like English is). It is really a series of nonverbal cues and signals that when clustered together, in context, provides an understanding of what people are really communicating. I learned how to significantly increase my sales and personal communication abilities by developing an excellent awareness of my own and my client’s nonverbal cues and signals during the selling process and beyond. I found that I could relate better to clients and get them to feel liked while at the same time getting their proverbial sales wall to come down.

I also discovered something very important: the body doesn’t lie. It can’t. No matter how hard you try to stop it; your body reveals the sub-conscious mind; that is, your true intentions. That’s what this is about; revealing the true feelings from the subconscious mind that are evinced in nonverbal communication.

Message Inside the Mime. This is where the first message inside the mime comes in: I began to see that being aware of, integrating and practicing nonverbal communication skills was a very empowering inherent human ability because it helped me to better understand myself and others. I contend that because of our “outer” directed society and in turn, our “outer-directed” mental conditioning; we tend to give more credence to “outside” technologies (from our cars, cell phones, computers and space craft to our religious dogmas, bosses and even our children) and take for granted or dismiss the understanding that our true power really resides here (point to the body), within.

I maintain that personal empowerment doesn’t come from outside ourselves at all. With deeper awareness of and skill in nonverbal communication; we can have the power to read people’s true intentions (their minds), shape better circumstances, create more effective relationship outcomes and effective communication with others.

Let’s look at some basic examples of nonverbal skills that you can use and teach in your Human Resource and sales careers to be attractive to others, (coach the audience):

• Face: have an animated face and make smiling a part of your daily repertoire. Always use a genuine smile. By the way, what is a genuine smile? Make sure you flash your pearly whites. Don’t forget that sparkle in your eye and don’t be afraid to show those crows feet. Watch for untrue smile that shows beady eyes and forced smile.
• Gestures: Be expressive but don’t overdo it. Keep your fingers closed when you gesture, your hands below chin level. Avoid arm or feet crossing.
• Head Movement: Use triple nods when talking and Head tilting when listening. Keep your chin up.
• Eye Contact: Give the amount of eye contact that makes everyone feel comfortable. Unless looking at others is a cultural no-no, lookers gain more credibility than non- lookers. Be careful of prolonged staring because it is perceived as aggression. It’s the prelude to an attack. You’ve experienced this, yes?
• Posture: Lean forward when listening, stand straight when speaking.
• Territory: Stand as close to people as you feel comfortable. Watch invading the unspoken circle of 18 inches that surrounds everyone. If the other person moves back, don’t step forward again.
• Mirror: Subtly mirror the nonverbal cues and signals of others. You don’t want to make this obvious because technique exposed is no technique at all.
• Monkey See...Monkey Do

The best example of affecting outcomes is when working with employees and clients. I have heard HR managers like yourselves tell me that employees “doesn’t like each other” or they say “that a client doesn’t like them!” I respond by asking: “Oh, really? I maintain that perhaps they unconsciously didn’t make the client feel liked by evincing tense, negative nonverbal cues and signals. Cues like a blank face, closed body position, nervous movements from licking their teeth to jingling change in your pocket.

My recommendation is: tell them not to think of themselves. Tell them to think of the other person or the client (significant other, boss or employee) and make them feel liked with warm nonverbal cues and signals like a genuine smile; open body posture where your body is at least in a 45 degree angle with the other person with the palms of your hands showing when you speak; nodding in agreement with the client a minimum of three times for each response and giving the client a firm handshake at the beginning and end of your meeting pumping their hand as least three times in an equal position. Trust me when I say that they other person or client will end up liking you so that you can continue to get along and do more business.

In closing; remember that you are inherently empowered with a unique set of hundreds of thousands of hardwired and acculturated nonverbal cues and signals that you can use to effect better relationships, read people’s true intentions (including your own intentions), their minds, create better interpersonal communication and life outcomes.

Go, be...your truest expression AND DON’T TAKE YOUR INHERENT NONVERBAL COMMUNICATION POWERS FOR GRANTED.