Mind the Stories You Tell About Yourself and Your Business

To make meaning out of what happens, we take the facts and craft stories from them. Sometimes we do ourselves a disservice through storytelling. When it comes to your business, "keeping it real" will preserve your time, energy, and sanity.

Written Apr 15, 2008, read 593 times since then.

There once was a small business owner…

At any given moment we have access to two levels of information: (1) the facts, and (2) the stories we tell ourselves about the facts. As a small business owner, lots of information about your work is available to you everyday. Some of that information comes in the form of facts, a.k.a. “reality.” (You generated a certain amount of income last month, you signed on a certain number of clients this week, etc.) However, it’s a rare indie business owner who can just stick to the facts. Instead, we have a tendency to create stories about the facts, and here is where we can get ourselves into trouble.

Perhaps you can relate to this powerful, albeit faulty, thought process equation:

Fact Number One + Fact Number Two = Big Old Story That Isn’t Necessarily Grounded in Reality

In other words, you're left holding a flimsy assumption that then gains strength via your attention and emotional energy.

Let me illustrate with a personal example. Several years ago I started running a 4-week coaching group for women. As my business grew, I offered the group four to five times a year and each time, I met at least the minimum number of participants I needed. I cruised along like this for a few years and then one January it was time for my New Year’s version of the group and only one person signed up (Fact Number One). I decided to wait a few months before offering it again. The second time, no one signed up (Fact Number Two). This was distressing, to say the least. I promptly did the next “logical” thing and made up something like: “This group has run its course. Nobody wants it anymore.” (Big Old Story)

Having told myself that story, I felt even more distressed and gave up on it for over a year. But, I missed the enjoyment I used to get out of the group, so this year I decided to try one more time. Lo and behold, using the same old marketing strategies as before, the group filled. The Big Old Story wasn’t true after all. Luckily, my story didn’t have a strong enough grip to keep me from that one last try.

What stories are you telling yourself, right now, about you and your business? Grab a sheet of paper, and finish these sentences by writing down the first thoughts that pop into your head:

1) My competition . . .

2) The market for what I offer . . .

3) As CEO of my business, I am . . .

4) This year, my business is . . .

5) My income . . .

Read over what you wrote. Did each sentence make you smile or sit up a little straighter in your chair? If not, you may have some story work to do. Start by separating what’s real from what you may be making up. If it’s real, it’s helpful information. If it’s a story, it’s just getting in the way of what’s real.

Byron Katie, author of Loving What Is: Four Questions That Can Change Your Life, poses a great question on her website: Who would you be without your story? That question invites you to suspend your story for a moment and imagine what it would be like if you weren’t attached to that story being true. Now imagine what your business would be like without your story.

Are you discovering that your story is limiting you and your business in some way? If so, what will it take for you to let go of the story and deal solely with what is?

What was really going on with my group when it seemed to fizzle out? I can’t be 100% sure, but I think the most likely reality was a combination of two factors. One was that although I loved doing the group, I was getting tired from running it so often on top of all my other activities. The second was that in addition to wearing myself out, I had also worn out my market by offering the group too frequently. At least, these are the stories I’m telling myself today; I’m not going to get too attached to them, emotionally or otherwise. I’ll wait and see what happens when I offer the group only once or twice a year. This way, my story becomes more like a hypothesis, something I can test out before getting all bent out of shape.

Which of your stories would be better off as a hypothesis?

There’s another moral to this story; sometimes, the truth hurts. What if when you get down to the story’s bare bones, there’s an unpleasant reality waiting for you? There are really only two paths. You can either walk on in denial, or you can do the real work. Hopefully, you’ll choose the latter and take the opportunity to grow, do better next time, and ultimately have a stronger business.

It ain’t what you don’t know that gets you in trouble; it’s what you know for sure that just ain’t so. – Mark Twain

Learn more about the author, Debbie Lacy.

Comment on this article

Posted by Twylia Westling, Tacoma, Washington | Apr 17, 2008

Thanks for posting this article! I think it's an important piece of information for everyone who crafts their own vocation/business/life!
Posted by Kathie Nelson, Portland, Oregon | Apr 17, 2008

Good reminder. Especially during this time when others are "telling stories" about what is going on in the world in addition to the stories of our own creation. The reality we create when we don't slow down to do the work can be quite depressing. The time we invest in reflection, investigating what is true and re-writing our story is a highly productive business activity.

Kathie Nelson - Business Strategy for Busy People
Posted by Dan Ritzenthaler, Wellington New Zealand | Apr 17, 2008

Wow. Great article! Sometimes this is a very hard thing to do. A lot of the time the story gets made when the fact happens and we don't realize they're two different things... I like your idea of writing them out in sentences and evaluating what parts of the sentence are based on facts. Bravo!
Posted by Cherie Killilea, Spokane, Washington | Apr 17, 2008

Debbie, I love that you are so transparent in this article. It's easier for me to take advice from someone who is setting the example for me! This is an article I will want to remind myself of from time to time. Thank you for sharing. Warm Regards, Cherie
Posted by Kare Anderson, Sausalito, California | Apr 17, 2008

What a valuable article. So helpful. Thank you.

Being a more major co-author of one's life story (along with God, the fates, the universe...) also entails choosing the role one wants to play (as you did with your group) in the unfolding story (the current situation), the cast of characters with whom you most want to be involved, the scripts one does and does NOT want to replay
Posted by Debbie Lacy, Seattle, Washington | Apr 17, 2008

I appreciate your feedback -- thank you! Kare, I especially like your comment about being a co-author with forces greater than ourselves. What we put out there (in the form of stories, thoughts, actions, etc.) certainly does engage a dialogue and co-creation process that's pretty powerful.

The Inspired Life: You can get there from here.
Posted by Karen Anderson, Seattle, Washington | Apr 24, 2008

Sorry, but I strongly disagree with this. The problem isn't stories (which are simply our innate need to create meaning from facts); it's creating the wrong stories (due to flabby, lazy thinking). Figuring out if your stories are old, outdated, boring, or misleading¸—or reliant on the wrong set of facts!—is one thing. Deciding not to turn your facts into stories is quite another; it's like deciding to stop thinking. Instead of abandoning stories, why not look harder, gather more facts, and assemble them more intelligently. But keep creating stories!
Posted by Debbie Lacy, Seattle, Washington | Apr 25, 2008

Hi Karen, I think we're saying the same thing, but I want to check it out with you. I agree that we can't help but create stories from our experiences. The kind of stories are what I'm cautioning about. In my example of the story I told myself when my group didn't fill, I hadn't taken the time to think it through. I lept to a "lazy" story and it didn't serve my business or myself very well at all. I'll keep making stories (can't be helped), but I'll do so with an awareness that I can consciously craft these stories based on thoughtful evaluation as opposed to knee-jerk emotional reactions. Does this match up with your thoughts or am I still off base? Thanks for your feedback!

The Inspired Life: You can get there from here.
Posted by Karen Anderson, Seattle, Washington | Apr 25, 2008

Perhaps. But the sentence "Sometimes we do ourselves a disservice through storytelling," in the lead comes across as "watch out for storytelling it will get you in trouble." And I think, no: not thinking or not analyzing a situation (which are precursors to creating a story) will get you in trouble. The warning about stories is frustrating to me when I see so many of my clients failing at marketing because they don't know how or are afraid to tell a story (that is, present their information in a way that might be even slightly interesting). It's like an out-of-shape person is trying to get up the nerve to do yoga, and someone in authority says "sometimes you can get into real trouble doing yoga" so she thinks "Oops! Don't wanna risk THAT!" -- and plops back down on her couch and opens another bag of Fritos... I think you are using "stories" in quite another sense, more like "rationalizations" -- when do our "explanations" become "rationalizations."
Posted by Debbie Lacy, Seattle, Washington | Apr 25, 2008

Good clarification. Thank you, Karen. I, too, honor stories and understand their value. As you mentioned in regards to your marketing clients, being able to tell a compelling and authentic story about our work is imperative.

I was cautioning against the kind of storytelling that basically amounts to negative self talk with little or no factual basis. By all means, people should weave stories about their lives, their talents, their amazing contributions -- shout them from the roof tops!

The Inspired Life: You can get there from here.
Posted by Elizabeth Rightor MA MEd, Seattle, Washington | May 07, 2008

Debbie,

I really enjoyed your article. The ideas in Loving What Is are so powerful. They can be a little difficult to digest at times, but uncovering these stories is the first step in moving away from them. Once you recognize the story you are telling yourself and examine it, then it begins to lose its power. Thanks again for a wonderful article.

Elizabeth

Live, Laugh, Love--Boldly