Mind the Stories You Tell About Yourself and Your Business

There once was a small business owner… At any given moment we have access to two levels of information: (1) the facts, and (2) the stories we tell ourselves about the facts. As a small business owner, lots of information about your work is available to you everyday. Some of that information comes in the form of facts, a.k.a. “reality.” (You generated a certain amount of income last month, you signed on a certain number of clients this week, etc.) However, it’s a rare indie business owner who can just stick to the facts. Instead, we have a tendency to create stories about the facts, and here is where we can get ourselves into trouble. Perhaps you can relate to this powerful, albeit faulty, thought process equation: Fact Number One + Fact Number Two = Big Old Story That Isn’t Necessarily Grounded in Reality In other words, you're left holding a flimsy assumption that then gains strength via your attention and emotional energy. Let me illustrate with a personal example. Several years ago I started running a 4-week coaching group for women. As my business grew, I offered the group four to five times a year and each time, I met at least the minimum number of participants I needed. I cruised along like this for a few years and then one January it was time for my New Year’s version of the group and only one person signed up (Fact Number One). I decided to wait a few months before offering it again. The second time, no one signed up (Fact Number Two). This was distressing, to say the least. I promptly did the next “logical” thing and made up something like: “This group has run its course. Nobody wants it anymore.” (Big Old Story) Having told myself that story, I felt even more distressed and gave up on it for over a year. But, I missed the enjoyment I used to get out of the group, so this year I decided to try one more time. Lo and behold, using the same old marketing strategies as before, the group filled. The Big Old Story wasn’t true after all. Luckily, my story didn’t have a strong enough grip to keep me from that one last try. What stories are you telling yourself, right now, about you and your business? Grab a sheet of paper, and finish these sentences by writing down the first thoughts that pop into your head: 1) My competition . . . 2) The market for what I offer . . . 3) As CEO of my business, I am . . . 4) This year, my business is . . . 5) My income . . . Read over what you wrote. Did each sentence make you smile or sit up a little straighter in your chair? If not, you may have some story work to do. Start by separating what’s real from what you may be making up. If it’s real, it’s helpful information. If it’s a story, it’s just getting in the way of what’s real. Byron Katie, author of Loving What Is: Four Questions That Can Change Your Life, poses a great question on her <a href="http://www.thework.com/index.asp">website</a>: Who would you be without your story? That question invites you to suspend your story for a moment and imagine what it would be like if you weren’t attached to that story being true. Now imagine what your business would be like without your story. Are you discovering that your story is limiting you and your business in some way? If so, what will it take for you to let go of the story and deal solely with what is? What was really going on with my group when it seemed to fizzle out? I can’t be 100% sure, but I think the most likely reality was a combination of two factors. One was that although I loved doing the group, I was getting tired from running it so often on top of all my other activities. The second was that in addition to wearing myself out, I had also worn out my market by offering the group too frequently. At least, these are the stories I’m telling myself today; I’m not going to get too attached to them, emotionally or otherwise. I’ll wait and see what happens when I offer the group only once or twice a year. This way, my story becomes more like a hypothesis, something I can test out before getting all bent out of shape. Which of your stories would be better off as a hypothesis? There’s another moral to this story; sometimes, the truth hurts. What if when you get down to the story’s bare bones, there’s an unpleasant reality waiting for you? There are really only two paths. You can either walk on in denial, or you can do the real work. Hopefully, you’ll choose the latter and take the opportunity to grow, do better next time, and ultimately have a stronger business. It ain’t what you don’t know that gets you in trouble; it’s what you know for sure that just ain’t so. – Mark Twain 2008-04-15T15:13:14Z

2008-04-17T06:22:03Z

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mind-the-stories-you-tell-about-yourself-and-your-business

2008-04-17T06:21:52Z

To make meaning out of what happens, we take the facts and craft stories from them. Sometimes we do ourselves a disservice through storytelling. When it comes to your business, "keeping it real" will preserve your time, energy, and sanity.

Mind the Stories You Tell About Yourself and Your Business

2009-02-24T09:43:57Z