<p>One of the best ways to deal with the sorts of customers, supervisors, or employees who drag you down is to communicate resilience.&nbsp; Have you ever noticed, and perhaps been disappointed, with how easy it is to complain about something like the weather, coworkers, or the economy as a way of making an easy connection during smalltalk?&nbsp; Emotional tones spread, and the assumptions we bring to a conversation often set those tones.&nbsp; When motivated folks--like most small business owners--try to converse with relatively unmotivated people, it can be difficult to share genuine excitement without seeming pushy.&nbsp; How do you reach out with excitement to people who aren't very excited?&nbsp; (Please fill in answers to this question in response to this article.)</p> <ul> <li><b>Maintain your own motivation.</b><br />&nbsp;</li> <li><b>Connect with where someone else might be but don't go there.</b><br />&nbsp;</li> <li><b>Give them something valuable in every interaction.</b></li> </ul> <p>One of the first things to understand is that the ways we maintain motivation are somewhat different than the ways in which we communicate or spread <i>value</i>.&nbsp; What that means for highly motivated people is that sometimes their own interest, fantastic for themselves, can create difficulties in reaching those less motivated.&nbsp; Less motivated folks can see your high energy and keen interest as a challenge, an unreachable benchmark, even a put-down.&nbsp; It's quite a rude awakening when we try to share something we're interested in and it's taken the wrong way.&nbsp; So make the distinction between maintaining one's own motivation and learning new ways to communicate it, and especially <i>maintain your own motivation</i>.</p> <p>We're all naturals at the second point <i>as long as we see the difference between being able to empathize and being dragged in</i>.&nbsp; In communications, most people want one of three things from others:</p> <p>1) help with everyday tasks</p> <p>2) advice and expertise</p> <p>3) simple listening and reassurance [This comes from Sheldon Cohen's 2004 article &quot;Social Relationships and Health&quot; in <i>American Psychologist</i>].&nbsp;</p> <p>Two major problems stand out here.&nbsp; The first is simply operating at a higher energy level or speed than others.&nbsp; If this might be causing you misunderstandings, the key is to be able to relax and pace your message <i>not to feel what others, less motivated than yourself, are feeling.</i>&nbsp; You probably want them to feel better, not for you to feel worse.&nbsp; In order for that to happen, it helps to recognize a second common problem.&nbsp; If they feel like you're pushing them, you probably are.&nbsp; Check and see if you're able to relax, maybe slow down, and still stay on topic.&nbsp; Then see if you are trying to sell something or give advice or expertise when they actually want listening and reassurances.&nbsp; Ask them what they need right now if you can't tell.&nbsp; It's usually one of these three things.&nbsp; Quite often, we need to listen and reassure before giving help or advice.&nbsp; Trying to share your expertise before people are prepared for it may seem inappropriate to them or even threatening.</p> <p>As for the last point, you probably don't want to give away your products or services for free to everyone you meet, but you probably do want everyone to gain something from meeting you.&nbsp; This is where my title fits in: resilience is free.&nbsp; You don't have to give away your business product to add value to every interaction.&nbsp; You can focus on feeling resilient and communicating resilience if you learn about resilience.&nbsp; While it may be a background assumption that anyone can complain about the current Presidential administration and be heard, most people would prefer not to spend their lives complaining.&nbsp; Changing the background assumptions in general conversations comes down to being able to <b>change the background feeling of interactions</b> and<b> bring up any topic in ways that seem fresh</b>.&nbsp; If you communicate in a fresh way, rather than spreading stale assumptions, you're sharing value.&nbsp; Beyond that, though, it helps to share functional techniques.&nbsp; Many business owners share their business expertise, often for free, when they should be paid for it; this often happens because they genuinely want their customers to benefit as much as possible.</p> <p>Become an expert on resilience and you will always have something valuable to share that is directly related to the interactions that build your business rather than feeling like you should give away your business.&nbsp; This will also save you a great deal of frustration in dealing with, and misunderstanding, others.&nbsp; How to do that?&nbsp; As critical as I am of most psychology I've seen, there is a good book that is directly applicable in business and everyday life called THE RESILIENCY ADVANTAGE, by Al Siebert.&nbsp; His website is: <a href="http://www.resiliencycenter.com/">http://www.resiliencycenter.com/</a>.</p> <p>I was somewhat put off by the look of the website, but his information is very good and his book is accessible reading.&nbsp; While I wrote this article as if giving advice, I'd love to hear comments, questions, problems, and disagreements.&nbsp; Peace.</p> 2008-04-24T20:41:48Z -23.9108 245 808 true 17 6333 resilience-is-free 0 2008-04-28T01:34:32Z 2008-04-28T01:34:32Z

<p>This is all about communicating interest and motivation.</p>

1 2009-02-24T09:44:09Z