Success or Stagnation?

Are there fears that you carry deep within you, that you may or may not have shared with others, that inhibit you from carrying out your heart’s vision or that prevent you from succeeding as you would like? Maybe your fear is related to speaking in public, maybe it is attending events with lots of people who you do not already know, maybe you are vacillating over beginning that new venture for fear of failure, maybe it is telling the bully in your life that you do not accept their behavior any longer, or maybe you have not yet identified another fear that keeps you from succeeding. We have often heard that fear is an emotional response to circumstances -- designed to trigger us to action in fight or flight circumstances. But often, we allow fear to instead keep us in emotional bondage and stagnation. When we have that fearful emotion about circumstances in our lives, it can become easy to feel deflated, carry that fear with us, and fail to move forward. And thus, any number of fears can keep us from our success. But we don’t need to stop there. We can, layer by layer, defeat the fear in our lives and be free – and begin to experience the success that is ours. Let’s look at stripping off each layer of fear from our lives. 1. One of the most important keys to defeating the fears that cripple us from succeeding -- whether in life, family, or business -- is to identify the fear. Describe it. Name it. When we analyze our fear and look at it for what it is, then some of the sting is taken out of the fear. Some of the intimidation of the unknown or unspecified becomes known and identified. The fear begins to become more manageable in our minds. 2. Another step that I have found greatly beneficial to overcoming fear, is to take time to think through what happens if what we fear becomes a reality. For instance, if you have a fear of public speaking, what is it about that activity that you are afraid of? Are you afraid that you will forget what you have to say? Are you afraid that you will stumble on your words? Are you afraid your mouth will go dry? Are you afraid that you will have sweaty armpits or that your zipper will be down? Identify the specific issues within the fear that are most concerning to you. Again, we take another layer of sting from the fear. Slowly, we are taking away fear’s power. 3. The next step, then, is to identify the worst-case scenarios of those specific fears. Proceeding with the public speaking scenario as an example: <ul> <li>What if you forget what you have to say? Answer: Plan that you might forget. Bring your speech written out word-for-word, in an outline, or with topics written on note cards so that you are ready if you forget. </li> <li>What if you stumble on your words? What if people laugh at you because of it? Answer: Imagine what your plan of action would be if that happened. Your approach might be to laugh with them and then let them know you are new to public speaking and just getting through what you feared most. In this, you will have endeared yourself to the crowd and won their favor -- despite your blunder and in part because of it. And, who knows, maybe that would have been the only way to really “win” the crowd. You may have a different approach, a plan that you are more comfortable with but that would help you to feel better if you were to stumble.</li> <li>What if your mouth goes dry? Answer: Again, plan ahead. Bring water. People are accustomed to speakers taking moments to refresh themselves with water.</li> <li>What if your appearance gets marred? Answer: Plan ahead. In this case, bring extra antiperspirant, arm-pit protectors, and check your fly just before you go on stage.</li> </ul> Prepare a solution to any of the things, regardless of how small or large, that you think may happen that you do not want to have happen. By taking the circumstances that cause you fear and carrying them through to their worst-case scenarios, you realize that the worst-case scenario may be bad but that it is not as bad as you feared. In this way, you defuse the situations you feared most. You plan for them, and therefore become equipped to succeed instead of being a victim of fear or a victim of circumstances. 4. Another great step in the process of overcoming fear is to ponder the “so what?” If everything you feared about that situation were to come true, what then? <ul> <li> What if your public speaking experience goes awry? People may laugh at you, or they may decide they do not like you and do not want you to speak to their group again. You can live through it.</li> <li>What if, while attending a networking event with lots of people who you do not already know, no one talks to you, they all look at you as if you do not belong, and you become isolated? You can live through it.</li> <li>What if you fail in a new business venture? You may have to pay back loans that you took. You may have to lay-off employees. You may be embarrassed by the failure. You can live through it.</li> <li>What if you tell the bully in your life that you do not accept their behavior any longer? You may get bullied some more. You can live through it.</li> </ul> In answer to any of these predicaments, there are consequences – none of them fun and some more serious than others. We should plan ahead to avoid them. However, if we were to experience our worst-case scenario, it would not be the end of the world. People live through extremely painful experiences all the time. We are a very resilient species. We will bounce back. And that experience will not only make a great story later in life, but it helps us learn that we can live through what we have feared. Moreover, we will have grown and learned other invaluable lessons through the experience. Even moving forward through failure can give us a new perspective, new wisdom, and new strength. The experience also allows us to help others who may, in the future, experience something similar. We can pass along the wisdom we have gained, and help them to avoid some of the pitfalls and pain we may have experienced. 5. An equally important step though, is to know that most worst-case scenarios never develop. For as awful as imagining a worst-case scenario may be, it is the mental equipping that is important to eradicate the fear. But, in reality, worst-case scenarios are rare – especially because we will have gone through the necessary steps of preparing for them. 6. Now that fear has been stripped of its power, we should take the next step and imagine what success will look like. You have many gifts, skills, talents, and abilities that will help you fulfill your purpose and attain your heart’s desire. Be bold in imagining how big your success will be. It may be that you will be a very busy, successful, and influential public speaker. Or, you may begin that new business venture that grows at unprecedented levels. You know what area of success you desire. Get excited about the possibilities. They are very much within your reach. 7. Finally, reach for that success, and don’t be dissuaded. You now know that there may be hang-ups on the road to success, but you can prepare for them and work through them. You also know that the success that you are headed for is more than worth any struggles it may take to get there. Enjoy the journey. 2009-08-13T16:04:18Z