The Bermuda Triangle That Eats Your Referrals

You know your clients are telling their friends about you. So how come the phone isn't ringing?

Written Feb 21, 2008, read 2265 times since then.

After the 10,000th time (it seemed), a client told me they referred someone who never contacted me. I began to call it "The Bermuda Referral Triangle."

So... where were they? Why didn't Frank, or Joan, or Amin, or Josephina ever call, despite glowing recommendations and urgings from their friends?

Why Bernard won't call you.

There are three distinct reasons why they don't.

1) Life is Pain.

Bernard was referred to you by Jane. Bernard is a busy person. Even if the pain of his problem is enough to get him to want to talk to you, he may be too overwhelmed to try to match up his crazy schedule to try to reach you. He may remember at 3am on a sleepless night worrying about his own problem.

He tells himself, "I'll call that number Jane gave me in the morning." And when morning comes... he's off and running too fast to call.

2) Uncertainty.

Does Bernard know why he's calling you? Does he know the best time to reach you? Does he know what's going to happen when he does call? Is it a sales pitch? Is it a coffee meeting? Is it a workshop? Is it three times as much as he can afford to spend?

He's uncertain. And people hate to act when they are uncertain.

3) Fear.

When you have a problem you can't solve, how do you normally feel? Incompetent? Helpless? Needy? Vulnerable? What kinds of things do you like to do when you feel incompetent, helpless, needy and vulnerable?

I bet that calling up a complete stranger to tell her your problems is not at the top of your list. And it's not at the top of Bernard's list either. So he'll procrastinate calling you until there's nothing else to do, except die.

Unfortunately, studies show that eight out of nine people would rather die than change. Not good odds for your referral program, eh?

And yet... it's not hopeless.

What can you do to counter-act the busy-ness, uncertainty and fear that stop referrals from reaching you? And can you get up the courage to ask for referrals in the first place?

Keys to Navigating the Bermuda Referral Triangle.

• A website cures a host of ills.

At 3am can they call you? No, but they can look at your website. That's obvious. But what's even more important is that whether it's 3am or 3pm, the website also cures the fear.

It allows a referral to check you out anonymously, without worrying about being caught in a sales pitch, or talked into spending three times more than they were expecting to. You weren't going to do that to them, but they don't know that.

Does your website provide enough information to answer their questions AND enough of your personality and humanity to soothe their fears?

• Warm up to 'em.

A new referral who visits your website may well be your ideal client, and yet they may not be ready to sign up with you. It may take a week, a month, or a year before they are.

You'll want some way to stay in touch with them. Whether it's having them subscribe to your blog, or to an email newsletter, you want to be able to build a relationship with them over time, giving to them as generously as possible, until they can trust for themselves that you really are the right person to help them.

• Let your referrers know what you do.

Often a referral is like this: "Oh, you should talk to Joseph. Just give him a call." That leaves it up in the air for both the referree, and the referrer.

Take the time to inform your best clients and referrers how you would like to receive referrals, and how you will interact with folks who do contact you.

"No, don't tell them to call me directly, unless they are really motivated. Just urge them to get my free download off the website, and to sign up for the newsletter - that will be the best for them. In fact, it's easiest if you forward them a newsletter of mine, so they can read and click immediately, without having to remember."

Or, another way it can be done:

"When you want to refer someone to me, tell them that I'm happy to schedule a 20-minute conversation with them on the phone, and we'll just talk about their situation and see if I have any insights or recommendations that might help."

That way, instead of just "give Joe a call" they can say: "Joseph says he's happy to have a 20-minute conversation with any friend of mine, just to hear what's going on. Go ahead and schedule one. He won't bite."

To keep your valuable referrals out of the Bermuda Triangle, it's important to make it as safe and predictable as possible for strangers to approach you. That involves a website, some way to stay in touch with people who contact you, and educating those who want to refer to you.

And soon after, you may find that those referrals actually get the phone ringing.

Learn more about the author, Mark Silver.

Comment on this article

Posted by Rachel Whalley, Seattle, Washington | Feb 21, 2008

I love that last tip, Mark. I've used the "Rachel says she'll give any friend of mine a free 20 minute consultation" one and find it's sooo much more persuasive to referrals. People love to feel special and invited...and the truth is, they ARE!

Healing IS possible.
Posted by Mark Silver, Portland, Oregon | Feb 21, 2008

Thanks, Rachel- these things really do work, don't they?

Can working on your business nourish your heart?
Posted by Lori Richardson, Bellingham, Washington | Feb 21, 2008

Mark, I really enjoyed your article. If we can make it easy for people to approach us, and especially by learning more via a website, at least some folks will take that next step.

Great thoughts - thanks for this.

Small business sales coach and fundraising auctioneer
Posted by Tonya Kirkland, Mill Creek, Washington | Feb 21, 2008

Thank you for taking the time to write this up! I have been feeling a lot like this.....great tips I will put to work right away. I just need to get my website started :)
Posted by Penelope Bell, Seattle, Washington | Feb 21, 2008

I also liked the the reminder to teach my "army of angels" (happy clients) how to speak about what I do. I now provide a postcard with a brief description of services I provide, and an invitation for 30 minute free consultation, either in person or on the phone. This is working great!

thanks for the tips!
Posted by Pam Russell, Port Angeles, Washington | Feb 21, 2008

Thanks, Mark, for the solution to all the free advice I give... It's so simple! From now on, I will be offering 20 minutes of free consultation over the phone... I also need to revise the website! Thanks again. :)
Posted by Frank Wong, San Francisco/ El Cerrito, California | Feb 21, 2008

Mark, great article. I develop internet startups, but have always put my own website on the back burner because there are always other more pressing issues. Reading your article just reminded me of the importance of my website and I should pay more attention to it right away.

Thanks.
Posted by Bryan Brewer, Seattle, Washington | Feb 21, 2008

Great article, Mark. I especially like your strategic way of thinking through the problem to arrive at real solutions.
Posted by Marte Cliff, Priest River, Idaho | Feb 21, 2008

Great article, Mark! I write for Realtors, among others, and they have a hard time with asking for referrals - because it feels to them like they're begging for business.

If everyone would be proud of their work and focus on the offer of help I think they'd be more comfortable asking.

I also agree that our websites should demonstrate the value we each offer to clients and offer opportunities to become acquainted without fear.
Posted by Rita Harris, Seattle, Washington | Feb 21, 2008

WELL done, Mark! Thank you for cutting to the quick on this issue. Real estate agents and other "sales" people such as car dealers, travel agents, etc. frequently find themselves in exactly this position. For example, the client is thrilled about the home they just bought, the real estate agent gave outstanding service, EVERYONE at the client's work knows the client is moving and how happy they are with their agent and promises to contact the agent because they too are thinking of moving, and then - nothing....

I think it is very much a sign of the times. Pretty much gone are the days of the "good-ol'-boy" network where the men gave referrals and introductions directly to each other at "the club" or on "the course". Yes, it may still exist, but let's face it, your description of the business world is far more accurate for today.

Thank you again for some great, simple things to remember!! Rita
Posted by Jezebel Blessing, Burien, Washington | Feb 21, 2008

Thank you Mark. This article couldn't have come at a better time. May I share this with my fellow agents?
Posted by Marty Grogan, Federal Way, Washington | Feb 21, 2008

This is exactly the kind of information that I was hoping to find. Right on. Now, if only I could get sufficiently motivated to spend a few minutes on my web site maybe I could become a "Not-so-starving-technology-artist."
Posted by Evan Rush, Seattle, Washington | Feb 21, 2008

Excellent article!! As others have commented, it's great timing. Now that the weather is getting a bit warmer, people tend to become more preoccupied with activities. I've found that building a relationship with a client/ referral may take time, but very important. Thanks again.
Posted by Heather Mundell, Seattle, Washington | Feb 21, 2008

I especially appreciate your point about how sometimes it can take weeks or even a year for a client to finally be ready to sign up. I've had clients that called me for a consultation, then called me back months later to sign up! So having a way for them to stay in touch with you, learning more about you, is perfect.
Posted by Jennifer Hofmann, Salem, Oregon | Feb 21, 2008

I have to say, as a fan of Mark's work and a participant in a number of his workshops, the ideas he's presented actually WORK.

My newsletter subscriptions, page views, and sales have increased in the last year since I started "trying out" his approach.
Posted by Kimberly Dow, Frederick, Maryland | Feb 21, 2008

Thanks for the article, Mark. I found it extremely intersting!

As important as it is to have a website in today's age, I also want to add that the website has to be user-friendly and approachable as well. I find so many websites cluttered with hard to find information that it makes me NOT want to contact someone, even if they've been referred to me. Just having a site doesn't solve the problem, it's best to hire a professional (like me, "plug, plug") who knows how to present your information in the most organized and presentable way, so referred clients will want to call on you asap.
Posted by Mark Silver, Portland, Oregon | Feb 21, 2008

Wow- thanks for folks. This article seems to have struck a nerve, and I'm glad it's resonating so loudly with everyone.

And yes, please feel free to share the article with anyone you like. If you want, I can create a PDF version of it (that even looks nice) if you want to distribute it that way. Just ask me.

Can working on your business nourish your heart?
Posted by Thomas Feller, Shoreline, Washington | Feb 21, 2008

Thanks Mark... Your article is so true. I am amazed at how many people will come back to me and tell me "wow, I did not know you were a photographer too, I could have used you last week". In our busy day to day, when 9 pm comes right after 6 am and we are drained... the 3 am "oh, yeah... I need to contact Bernard" just does not make it to fruition. I have come to keeping the pad and pencil beside the bed... which helps for the spiritual side as well. Recording dreams has been a big help in my awareness. I read your background... you are the kinder gentler paramedic of business. A good article and being new to the site... I am enjoying the attributes that so many have to offer. Blessings. Thomas
Posted by Mayna Sgaramella, Kenmore, Washington | Feb 21, 2008

Thank you Mark. Your article does just what you preach. It's inviting, informative, and puts me at ease. I will try to give my referrers more direction when letting them know how others can reach me. Thanks for 'tenderizing' this business!
Posted by Akira Morita, Seattle, Washington | Feb 21, 2008

Great article! Nice, intriguing title and the tips really lived up to it.

Another thing I try to keep in mind, is that while web site is a good help, it isn't "cure-all." Showing up at events, reminding people you are there, in person, is also important in the long run. Especially, if you can make all your efforts to line up nicely around your personality.

Thanks for a great article!

What's your brand doing for you?
Posted by Michelle Shelton, Gilbert, Arizona | Feb 21, 2008

Mark! Good stuff. The thing we have found most effective is telling our clientsthis...."Simply tell your friend I will call him, then call me with his name and number (and email) and he will receive the same great service you received...sound good?"

Works well for us and is very proactive. Michelle Shelton Arizona Real Estate
Posted by Andrew Geske, New York, New York | Feb 21, 2008

So true, having a website has helped people get to know that I'm a down-to-earth person, not someone to be fearful to contact. But having a newsletter is a great idea to remind those passers-by. Possibly a less-frequent newsletter as not to overwhelm or turn off the potential client. Thanks www.andrewthetrainer.com
Posted by Jeff Collins, Seattle, Washington | Feb 21, 2008

I like the article, Mark.

I get this all the time because my business is a bit of a mystery to those who have not heard of a haberdasher.

When my clients tell me someone is going to call me I let them know there is a 1 in 10 chance of that happening (more like 1 in 100 but I don't want to squelch their enthusiasm).

I let them know that their friend is probably a very busy person & if they think we should connect that I call that individual to introduce myself. Sometimes they give me the number right then, sometimes they go back to their friend to ask permission to have me contact them & other times the triangle swallows the lead.

The key when talking with my customers is to not sound desperate when asking for the number. I'm a laid back guy so that is rarely a problem for me. Let your client know you will take great care of their friend like you do them & they will go to work for you in making the connection happen.
Posted by Susan Peters, Seattle, Washington | Feb 21, 2008

Hi Mark,

Great ideas! If you have a good website they are very easy to implement. I'm going to start working on them today!
Posted by Banu Sekendur, Seattle, Washington | Feb 21, 2008

This, I have to say, is one of the MOST HELPFUL articles I've read here. So thank you Mark.... :)
Posted by Leif Hansen, Seattle, Washington | Feb 22, 2008

Horrible article Mark. Utterly worthless. Just kidding, I just had to be a rebel for all the praise. (: Excellent article...why is it so hard for me to get into the mind/heart of my (potentinal) clients when I've 'been there' hundreds of times myself? I'm not sure why its so hard...but that is something you seem to excel at, and that is why I'm so excited to be going to your seminar next month.

Plug --check out Mark's "The Sacred Moment" seminar, only 8 (as of today) spots left! Would love to spend some time with other Bizniks there.

Need help navigating the social media maze?
Posted by Amy Lang, Seattle, Washington | Feb 22, 2008

Hey! This is great - I particularly like the coaching about how to get my fans to refer to me in a way that might actually end up with some action! Thanks!
Posted by Brandi Pierce, Seattle, Washington | Feb 22, 2008

Great article! These are some key tips that are actually very close to what I tell my clients in order for them to get more business -- especially the website part! =)

The eNews only helps if you actually have time to devote to doing it, otherwise it can lay dormant, or worse, look like you didn't put much effort into it.

If you are lucky enough to have an assistant, then the eNews should become part of their job to make sure it goes out on time and looks professional.

Just remember to fill it with relative content and some sort of tip/trick to keep your subscribers interested.

Most people will give an eNews about 3 mailings before making the final decision about staying or leaving. If you lose them, you probably won't get them back ever again.

Hope this helps! If you need more info, drop me a line. I'm always available to help out fellow bizniks. =)

Brandi Pierce www.aShadow.com

Come realize the power of COLOR.
Posted by Jason Ablett, Kirkland, Washington | Feb 22, 2008

Very good advice. I plan to implement this advice in my business immediately. Very good info.
Posted by Susan Robinet, Seattle, Washington | Feb 22, 2008

Mark,

Good article. I'm just about to order new business cards, so I think I'll get some verbage printed on the back regarding a free phone consultation.

I always give a few extra cards to clients closing a transaction for them to pass out to friends, so this way the card will say it if the referrer doesn't.

Thanks,

Susan
Posted by Geno Iorio, Jamestown, North Carolina | Feb 22, 2008

Great article! I am going to ask for referrals that way from now on!

Thanks!

Geno
Posted by Judy Dunn, Seattle & Renton, Washington | Feb 23, 2008

Hi Mark,

You have educated all of us on ways to avoid losing prospects before they become customers.

I especially like a couple of your suggestions:

A business's website, structured the right way, can make prospects more comfortable with the thought of doing business with you. And the "warm 'em up" tip is an excellent one. Just as one would not expect a marriage proposal on a first date, our prospects need to get to know us first--check out our blog, sign up for a free weekly e-tip, etc., so we are building value and trust first.

Thanks for the coherent, useful article.

Seattle Copywriter
Posted by Daenin Tejeda , Seattle, Washington | Feb 25, 2008

Wow, really helpful thanks!

I am looking forward to putting this into practice!
Posted by RJ McHatton, Redmond, Washington | Feb 25, 2008

Very good article. It a great reminder about the importance of setting up a referral in a more effective way and to constantly followup both with the person who referred and the person referred to you.
Posted by Ian Ejan, Rancho Cucamonga, California | Feb 26, 2008

I have to give you a 10. Excellent article. Im going to follow your advice, this should help "Bernard" to call me for referrals more often ;-)

Thank you Mark!
Posted by Annie Jacobsen, Seattle, Washington | Feb 28, 2008

We are currently finessing our "client feedback" form and were struggling with the "ask" part. This gives us some great ideas for HELPING our appreciative clients HELP us! thanks much!

Assisted Transitions ~ personalized move management
Posted by Jill Anderson, Atlanta, Georgia | Mar 05, 2008

Here's to the end of Bermuda Triangle referrals! I'm going to start doing this right away. You're super!
Posted by Marlene Rockey, Seattle, Washington | Jun 18, 2008

Mark,

Simple, useful, practical and brilliant practices we can all put into practice right away! What a concept...thanks so much for writing and sharing it with us.

Marlene

marlene...revealing your home's true beauty