The Metaphysics of Business, Part 2: The Second Agreement (from The Four Agreements)

There is a prominent place in my office library for Toltec teacher Don Miguel Ruiz’s masterful small book, The Four Agreements. It has been a favorite gift to friends, colleagues, clients. I have used it in workshops, lectures and my counseling work. Why so cherished? Because it provides simple elegant reminders of what we all can do to, as Mr. Ruiz puts it, escape our “personal hell” and thereby create our personal freedom. There are four simple agreements he suggests we make with ourselves to activate such freedom, and I will list them here for your benefit. I will then examine the Second Agreement in more depth, because I feel it is the most challenging of the four to entrepreneurs and visionaries. The Four Agreements: (Write these down and post them somewhere you can see them every day!) 1. Be impeccable with your words. (Watch what you say. Only say what you mean. In the first Biznik article in this series, Words are Powerful!, I point out how we can all benefit from this practice, because words have incredible power in our personal and professional lives.) 2. Don't take anything personally. (more on this later) 3. Don't make assumptions (There is intuition, and there is making assumptions…do you know how to tell the difference? I’ll examine this in a later article) 4. Do your best. (This is rather forgiving, yes? ) The Second Agreement: Don't take anything personally. This is one of the most difficult of the Four to keep, because as innovators without the usual roadmaps, we are constantly looking outside ourselves to others' opinions of who we are and what we are doing. We are looking for confirmation: are we doing things 'right'? To a point this is valuable, since it is smart to know how others perceive you--hence the use of surveys and polls. Yet, consider these words from the book: When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering. In my 23 years of indie practice, I have grown to accept this statement more and more. It seems to me, the more I care about what others think of me or my ideas, the less authentic I am. In metaphysics, there is this principle: “What others think of me is none of my business.” I know this is difficult for many of you to understand, because it was hard for me too—shouldn’t I be concerned about others' opinions of me? And then I studied the world of perception. What others think of me and how others react to me has very little to do with me, if at all. In other words: people project their reality onto me based on their perceptions. Therefore, it is usually not about me. Personal case study: Many years ago, when I was a newly minted speaker, I was “holding forth” on some “profound” topic or another to an attentive audience of 200 people. I was on top of my game. I had them in the palm of my hands. They seemed fascinated with what I had to say….I was on a roll! Or so I thought. And then I noticed her: she with the angry face. Arms tightly wrapped around her, she glared at me as if she were ready to spit at me. And of course, she was in the front row, so every heavy sigh, every look of disgust and disdain was very, very obvious to me. Now, 199 people enjoyed my presentation, and one obviously did not: Who would you think I paid the most attention to? Yep, you smart people: I paid close attention to She of the Cranky Countenance. What a distraction! Mercifully, there was a coffee break and I was able to flee to the coffee table and some of my more “adoring” fans. But as I sipped and schmoozed, I saw Her, making a beeline to me with a smile on her face… Huh? She smiles? Fascinated, I watched as she made her way, happily chatting with others, then finally in front of me. The angry she-devil-who-hated-me smiled shyly and spoke: “How nice to meet you Elke! I completely love what you said this morning…” and she proceeded to quote from my lecture. Shocked, I interrupted her compliment, sputtering “But I thought you hated me and my lecture! You’ve been scowling at me all morning!” A look of horror replaced her smile. “Oh my God! Did it show that much?” To which I murmured, “Yes, it showed that much.” And she explained: "I am so sorry! It’s just that you look just like an aunt who abused me when I was a little girl…” Ok. Now what did her angry posturing and scowling have to do with me? Nothing. Nada. I was just a physical reminder of someone from her past. And so the lessons continue till today. In 23 years of business, I have been slandered, prayed against, insulted and misunderstood. People have sworn at me, yelled at me and patronized me. There were many times when I worried about my reputation, until I would remember: None of this was truly about me. We all project our experiences on others, we all compare, sum up, come to conclusions. I am therefore less apt to judge others for their opinions of me, because my view of those judgments are made of my projections, summations, conclusions and comparisons. See how this goes round and round? For three years, I have been fearful of writing an article to publish in Biznik. I’ve written plenty of posts, I’ve blogged, I’ve been the editor of newspapers, and I’ve authored hundreds of published articles, so inexperience is not the reason for my fear. But herein lies my angst: Biznik articles are rated, and I have seen some articles I've liked with low overall ratings. If my articles are rated with low scores, then that must say something about me....right? The truth is, that is not the truth. People’s ratings do not necessarily reflect people’s opinions about me. And even if some or all of the ratings were based on opinions about me, it still says more about people’s perceptions, born from experience and beliefs and culture and upbringing and ideas and false information and assumptions and, and, and …. than it says about me. So I write from my heart and from my knowledge with the intent of serving you, my colleagues. And that stokes my courage enough to come out and play with you in this way. Hints for the journey: If you are basically operating with integrity, and you are doing your best, then what others have to say about you is not consequential to how you run your business. You can listen to people’s opinions and thank them for their input, but at the end of the day, your business is all about—drum roll please—you! Your desires. Your service to the world. Your dreams. Your integrity. Take your own opinions about yourself and others seriously, because they are self-generated and worth a look. Take all other opinions with a grain or two of salt, and you will find peace. 2009-02-11T23:53:01Z

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the-metaphysics-of-business-part-2-the-second-agreement-from-the-four-agreements

2009-02-13T21:59:47Z

From the popular book, the Four Agreements, the Second Agreement states: 'Don't take anything personally.' This may be difficult to do, but crucial to any successful, visionary entrepreneur.

The Metaphysics of Business, Part 2: The Second Agreement (from The Four Agreements)

2009-02-24T09:49:18Z