Dike Drummond MD

MidLife Crisis Coach
Mt Vernon, Washington

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The Midlife Crisis Entrepreneur: 3 Questions to Turn your Pain into your Path

Does becoming an Entrepreneur have to involve a Midlife Crisis? The pain and suffering are NOT mandatory parts of the Journey. Here are three questions that turn any Pain into a step-by-step Path to your Vision.

Written Apr 14, 2011, read 3484 times since then.

I remember the day I answered the Calling to be an Entrepreneur.

It was the day I quit my career as a successful Family Practice Doctor and walked away from its six figure income. It was the day I finally stopped trying to ignore that I was actually living someone else’s dream.

I had gone as far as I could go down the road my family had planned for me. On the outside, I looked like a huge success. I had been the CEO of a 40-doctor multi-specialty group. I was a local “celebrity” who was stopped in grocery stores by mothers who wanted to show me how big the babies I had helped deliver were getting. I was well-respected and well-compensated.

But inside, it felt completely hollow. Everything tasted like sawdust. I felt like I was dying.

Finally unable to ignore my inner struggle and dissatisfaction, I did the unthinkable. I quit. I shaved my head. I went on a year-long-sabbatical to “find myself.” I went fishing. I started gardening. I picked up my guitar again. I studied interactive guided imagery.

It was as if I had put down a huge weight I had been carrying on my back. I started to feel again. Food began have a taste. My world, which had morphed into shades of grey, started to have color again. And I had an epiphany:

I am not a doctor. I am an Entrepreneur. I am sick and tired of having a “career” – a “job” that tries to fit who I am into a too-small square box - and I’m not going to take it anymore!

I am someone who starts things, solves problems, makes connections. I am incredibly creative and playful, and now, I get to express it all within my own business. I am in charge now. WOW, life can really be this way? Amazing!

I just watched the movie SHINE: The Entrepreneur's Journey and was struck by how the majority of the people in the movie had taken a similar route to discovering they were Entrepreneurs.

There is a period of trying to play the traditional role as the good employee – or, you plant your ladder against the wall of a career and start climbing. Then, at some point, your spirit and your body become repulsed by having to follow orders and stay inside someone else’s lines.

I’m struck by how much pain and suffering many of us endure before we answer this Calling to be an Entrepreneur. For many of us, it appears we become business owners as a result of a true Midlife Crisis. This is an absolutely normal process, however, it doesn’t have to be a painful one.

Here’s what I mean.

The word “Crisis” comes from a Greek root “Krisis” which simply means “Decision”. You see two paths … the one you are on … and a second one you could choose to follow.

You find yourself at a decision point. And unlike other, simpler decisions in our lives … what you are noticing here is a “pull” – a force pulling you towards a life with more meaning, purpose, joy, self expression and fulfillment.

You could …

1) Keep doing what you’ve been doing – as a cog in someone else’s machine. You’ll get more of what you’ve already got … with a gold watch when you retire.

2) OR do something new to get a different result. Strike off on that road less traveled. Start your own business and exercise your creativity in new ways. Discover the path where YOU decide what you are going to do and exactly how you will do it.

It’s OK to notice what you’re feeling. It’s OK to act on it and carve your own path. (That’s the point of the dissatisfaction after all – to inspire change.) For those of us who are called to express our creativity and our essence by building a business, this is Totally Normal. It’s no different than being any other type of driven and creative person.

Dancers can’t NOT dance.
Writers can’t NOT Write.
Entrepreneurs can’t NOT build businesses.

How you can know for sure that you’re an entrepreneur? Picture yourself at the end of your life … and as you lie in your hospital bed, imagine you NEVER STARTED that business you dreamt of back in the day. How does it feel?

If you simply can’t imagine NOT starting your own business in this lifetime, you ARE an Entrepreneur. And I have some encouragement for you:

We can all make changes in our life and business without pain, suffering and a true “Crisis” like the ones I saw in “Shine” and the one I experienced in my own life. From my perspective … on the far side of my own Entrepreneurial Crisis … I know that pain and struggle are NOT Mandatory.

The key is to focus on what you Want … rather than what you don’t want.

The Three Questions to turn your Pain into your Path:

Let’s make this personal.

Think of an area in your life or business where you see a Problem. Something is not right and you want a different result. Now flip the problem around and focus on what you want by asking yourself a question.

Question #1: “What is it that I WANT to happen here?”

Write it down. Be specific. This is your goal or vision.

Question #2. “Can I do/have this goal/vision today?”

If your answer is “Yes,” get on it!

If your answer is “No,” ask the next:

Question #3: “What would I have to do FIRST to reach this goal/vision?”

Write down your answer. Then cycle back to Question #2, “Can you do/have THIS today?” And if “No” … “ – you got it … here comes Question #3 again, “What would you have to do first to reach this point?”

Keep going through this loop of Questions 2 & 3 until you find a step you CAN do today and your list of answers will have created a Flow Chart and a step-by-step Path that leads directly to your Vision.

These three questions are so powerful they can take any “Pain” and turn it into a clear Path.

Now imagine this

Imagine I had been there to ask you these questions back in the day. Back when you were hating your job or “so done with” your career and you didn’t know what was next. We most likely would have eliminated all that struggle and replaced it with a flow chart to your new life. What Crisis?

Here is my charge for you.

Find someone struggling to realize they are an Entrepreneur at heart. Take them through the Three Questions, then hand them their flow chart. Give them a big hug and welcome them to the exciting world of the Entrepreneur.

What is your Goal/Vision?
Can you have/do this Today?
What would you have to do/have first?

[REPEAT 2 & 3}

As we remove the Crisis from answering the Calling to become an Entrepreneur – together, we make the world a better place.

Learn more about the author, Dike Drummond MD.

Posted by Alan Anderson, C Ht, Lynnwood, Washington | Apr 17, 2011

I like your personal touch Dike. Looking at your sites I think you are a person I have a lot in common with. How about an article on "What to do when dream becomes a dead-end nightmare". Many entrepreneurs start out with great enthusiasm and end up not knowing how to move from creating a job to creating a business. I think this is true with many Bizniks. I work with many clients on moving beyond fear of success, money, asking for money, receiving it, or feeling that it's ok to ask for it.

Find positive life change with Hypnosis and NLP
Posted by Teresa Kain, Eden Prairie, Minnesota | Apr 18, 2011

I think of myself as an accidental entrepreneur...my crisis transitioning from 'traditional nursing' to starting a business in an alternative field of wellness did end with crisis....reading this article makes me feel grateful my crisis was not from beginning to end!! Moving beyond the fear no matter what the individual journey takes courage and helps if you have a passion for the new life you visualize. I find The Three Questions to turn your Pain into your Path surprisingly helpful when I address my current 'problem' and instead of being stopped, go back to #2 and 3...amazing to see I can actually get to some very constructive answers instead of feeling 'stopped'!
Posted by Dike Drummond MD, Mt Vernon, Washington | Apr 19, 2011

Hey Alan,

There is the Inner Game of being an entrepreneur AND there is a whole new skill set required as well ... the Outer Game if you will ... that is not taught in school.

We go to school to get good grades so we can get a good job - and none of that translates to building your own business. Most of us learn it on our own by trial and error and don't we know there is a better way.

These three questions and the support of a seasoned business coach could save so much pain, suffering and ultimately business failure IMHO

Dike
Posted by Dike Drummond MD, Mt Vernon, Washington | Apr 19, 2011

Hey Teresa,

Thanks so much for your comment. I would sure like to learn how you do things by accident ... I am sure there was some careful planning and plain old hard work in there as well.

I am glad you find the questions valuable ... now it is time for action. Tally Ho.

Dike
Posted by Karen Mathieson, Portland, Oregon | Apr 20, 2011

You've opened your heart as well as your history in writing this article, Dike. It is an excellent example of the "virtuous circle" which trumps the vicious kind every time. Thank you!

Here's a quote from the poem "Famous," by Naomi Shihab Nye, which seems to address the quest you have been on and which you address so eloquently:

"I want to be famous in the way a pulley is famous, or a buttonhole, not because it did anything spectacular, but because it never forgot what it could do."

~Karen
Posted by Dike Drummond MD, Mt Vernon, Washington | Apr 20, 2011

Wow, Karen ... that quote brings tears to my eyes ... thank you so much.

And I see the virtuous circle as an upward spiral.

Dike
Posted by Michael Hartzell, Seattle, Washington | Apr 20, 2011

10

Makes me think of the Acronym used so many .,.,. many days. "Be M.A.D." I would tell the teams. "Are you M.A.D." today?

MAD = Making A Decision :)

Robust dialogue about a subject matter many might want to avoid. (crisis)

Thank you

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Posted by Karen Mathieson, Portland, Oregon | Apr 20, 2011

It's good to know Shihab Nye speaks to you, Dike. Here's a link to the full text of "Famous": http://www.poetryoutloud.org/poems/poem.html?id=177521

~Karen
Posted by Randal DeHart, PMP, QPA, Lynnwood, Washington | Apr 20, 2011

Dike,

You really understand business owners at a deep level. Thank you for writing this article!

Warm Regards,

Randal

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Posted by Dike Drummond MD, Mt Vernon, Washington | Apr 20, 2011

Hey Karen,

The verse I think about when writing about life journeys like this is Rumi:

Out beyond the idea of rightdoing and wrongdoing - there is a field ... I will meet you there.
Posted by Dike Drummond MD, Mt Vernon, Washington | Apr 20, 2011

Hey Michael and Randal,

Thanks for your comments. Remember the word "Crisis" comes from a greek word that means "Decision". So being M.A.D. is where it is at IMHO.

Dike
Posted by Kate Phillips, Seattle, Washington | Apr 20, 2011

Dike, thanks so much for sharing your journey... I wonder, like you, me, and so many in Shine, how many of us started our businesses from a "midlife crisis" and the call to something deeper than what we had in our job or career? I'll be a LOT of us!!!

I know sometimes it looks crazy to others to leave success and security, but it's the only thing that makes sense when you feel like your soul is dying and your not fulfilling your purpose.

Love the quote, Karen! and Dike, I've got a friend who wrote a song based on the Rumi quote you shared. Love that one, too.
Posted by Kate Phillips, Seattle, Washington | Apr 20, 2011

Ok, just read it AGAIN... not only is this a great article, Dike, but I noticed that 6 out of 6 people just gave it a "10" (including me). Not sure that's ever happened before... and you obviously have struck a deep, deep chord in many of us.
Posted by Timothy Sternling, Gig Harbor, Washington | Apr 21, 2011

Dear Doctor Dike, The questions I ask while mentoring are very similar to what you have described here. Must be a form-follows-function thing...

Of course, I am nowhere near midlife so I will utilize your ideas in a planning sense. In order to be prepared.

You can still be a beautiful horse doctor.

Best, Timothy
Posted by Jessie Upp, M.S., Edmonds, Washington | Apr 21, 2011

Question #1 can often be confusing, even when one THINKS they know what they want.

To clarify any confusion, I use the Passion Test regularly and share it with my MBA students, leadership teams and family. Highly recommended.

I'm forwarding your article to others who would be moved and inspired by your article. Thank you!
Posted by Chas Wyatt, Gladstone, Oregon | Apr 21, 2011

Thanks for sharing your journey~ I also really enjoy reading the comments that others have added. :-)
Posted by Dike Drummond MD, Mt Vernon, Washington | Apr 21, 2011

Hey Tim,

I consider midlife to be anytime when you have enough "water under your bridge" to know what you like and what you don't like. Usually in your mid to late 20's ... and the far end is when you no longer able to make choices -hopefully well into your 90's and beyond.

And I think horses are most likely easier to understand than Humans.

Jessie,

I agree that it sometimes takes a while and a lot more questions to get someone to see and understand what they really want.

AND one model that helps is this: If you are seeing a problem or "something missing" in your life it is because there is a mismatch between your experience and a dream in the background of what "should" be happening.

Some people call this your "blueprint".

It is one of the few times I will use the word "should" in a question and it goes like this: "In an Ideal world (if everything was perfect) what "should" be happening in your life right now?

That question will usually get the dream out of the closet and we can plan from than point what goal gets you closest to the dream at this point in time.
Posted by Jessie Upp, M.S., Edmonds, Washington | Apr 21, 2011

I've read your comment over and over and just can't get enough of it. Very well put.
Posted by Paige Bentzen, Poulsbo, Washington | Apr 21, 2011

Congratulations! I am so impressed by your passion, and to really want more out of life. What an inspiration your life story is and thank you for sharing it!
Posted by Dike Drummond MD, Mt Vernon, Washington | Apr 21, 2011

Thanks Jessie and Paige.

Have a great day today ... OK?
Posted by Elena Patrice, Front Royal, Virginia | Apr 21, 2011

Fabulous, wonderful, encouraging article Dike! Thank you - you just made my day! I so get this! You hit it when you write that being an entrepreneur is a calling - and we die a little each day when we ignore it. My soul came alive the day I went for it and though it's not been "easy" in the classic sense; it’s the only air I want to breathe ... the only air I can.

You have a gift, thank you for sharing!

Much kindness,

Elena
Posted by Dike Drummond MD, Mt Vernon, Washington | Apr 21, 2011

Thanks for the kind words. If it was easy it would not be so sweet.
Posted by Karen Mathieson, Portland, Oregon | Apr 21, 2011

Dike, thank you for citing Rumi, one of my guiding mystics! (Distinguished, of course, from guided missiles, but always on target in summing up what it is to be a spiritual being having a human experience.)

Regarding choice: I enjoyed your stretching of the elastic midlife band. Yes, maturity is related to seeking what is truly satisfying for oneself without toeing the line of conformity. In addition, I have had cherished relationships with elders well into--and even past--their 90s who conveyed that patience is an active virtue, and thus represents a powerful choice in how one approaches the world.

One woman, in particular, stayed marvelously alert to the beauties and wonder of life--and retained her educator's passion for words--until days before her passing at the age of 102. On the other hand, I have met people half that age who seem emotionally and mentally petrified. It seems to be not only an issue of age and a capacity to choose, but one of willing engagement with life that creates the circumstances of fulfilling a vocational destiny.

~Karen
Posted by Dike Drummond MD, Mt Vernon, Washington | Apr 21, 2011

At one point I was the family doctor for a woman who cared for herself in her own home until she died in her sleep at age 103 ... she was magnificent.

Makes me chuckle to even say the word "retire"
Posted by Kaya Singer, Portland, Oregon | Apr 22, 2011

Dike- Thanks so much for sharing. I do know some doctors who approach their work as an entrepreneur so I guess for you it was about a big change! I have always been an entrepreneur, and even with that comes issues, as it is not as easy road financially at times. I have owned numerous businesses and there are times i wish I could have just been one of those people to go to work, get a paycheck and go home and not think about my biz for the whole weekend, but that's not me.

I use your three questions regularly and have for years. It is really an essential piece of staying sane! I also loved "Shine." Thanks for listening to my rant.
Posted by Audrey Wyatt, Dallas, Texas | Apr 22, 2011

This is a fantastic article! My husband has always allowed me to scratch the entrepreneurial itch, while steadily and sometimes unhappily pursuing his career. He too is the mid-life crisis entrepreneur and is building the sports memorabilia store that has been his dream for almost 20 years. He's fishing a lot more, too. To many, this might seem crazy, but I have never seen him more at peace. Your article has helped me understand, through a male perspective, what he might be experiencing. Thanks so much!
Posted by Dike Drummond MD, Mt Vernon, Washington | Apr 22, 2011

Hey Kaya and Audrey

Thanks for your great comments.

There is often a disconnect between what our society says is success and what makes the most money and what really gives us joy.

And we have to carry on in both the world of money and that of fulfillment. Being an entrepreneur is one place that holds the potential for doing what you love and finding out a way to make the money follow.

Kaya - didn't hear a "rant" in there at all

Audrey - "Any day fishing is better than the best day working ... and sometimes you even catch fish"

Have a great weekend,

Dike
Posted by Kathleen Watson, Carver, Minnesota | May 19, 2011

Love, love, love your story! Thank you for not only having the courage to give up what society considers a severely oo-la-la job, but sharing your lessons with the rest of us.

Have you read a book called "The Big Leap", by Gay Hendricks? I immediately thought of it when reading your story. Hendricks talks about finding the courage to make "the big leap" from our Zone of Excellence to our Zone of Genius. Sounds like you could be a poster child for what he's talking about. Congratulations!