The Power of Pacing

"Pacing" is an applied psychology term that describes moving into another person's experience. It is the process of "gaining and maintaining rapport with someone by matching their map of the world through language, behavior, beliefs and values."* By matching another person's tone, posture, gestures, and other verbal and nonverbal behavior, you merge into their frame of mind. By pacing, you establish rapport at myriad levels outside of conscious awareness. You are "in synch" with the other person, "on the same wavelength," and "speaking the same language." In that state, if you have already established a level and trust and rapport, and if you begin to subtly change your behavior, the other person will very often "follow" you. The most noteworthy experience that I had with pacing came while I was working at an educational materials company in Los Angeles. In addition to my other duties, I sometimes took phone orders and, while most of the time the person on the other end of the line was cordial, there were disgruntled customers every now and then. We’ve probably all had times when we’re on the phone with someone to discuss a problem situation. On one particular day, the woman that I was speaking on the phone with was very upset about her order—I don’t recall the exact nature of her complaint, but it might have been a situation where she received the wrong item or the shipping method of that her order hadn’t arrived on time. She was yelling and talkingataveryrapidpacethatmadeithardto UNDERSTANDWHATSHEWASSO ANGRYABOUT!! So I began also talkingataveryrapidPACEANDINA LOUDAGGRESSIVETONE!! I practiced active listening (I summarized what I heard her saying) and continued to talkveryrapidlyandthenIveryslowlybeganto lowerthevolume...and in a moment, she was speaking at a slightly lower volume. Then I very subtly began to ... pace ... my speech ... so that there were fractions of time between my words. At one point, I pulled in a deep breath and slowly let it out, making sure that she could hear my exhalation over the phone line. As my own tone, volume, and word choices changed, moving toward a more relaxed state, she followed my lead, amazingly enough. By the time I chuckled and tossed out a witty remark, she laughed heartily, took another deep breath, and was clearly ready to chat with me about an easy, reasonable resolution to the problem. I've had other experiences of "pacing and leading" but none quite as dramatic as this one. Even in a discussion where you can't see the other person's face (such as when you are talking over the phone), it's still possible to match a good deal of the receiver's current state. So the next time you are working with a client who has come to you for help with their personal development, or if you are dealing with a client who is upset or just not "getting you," remember that you can respectfully match their state. Move into their world - let them see (hear, feel) that you are "feeling their pain." Show them that you have the flexibility to share in the thoughts and emotions that they are experiencing. Pacing is a highly valuable strategy that you can implement with anyone - a customer, client, prospect, employee, supervisor - anyone that you interact with. When done with respect, you can establish an amazing level of rapport. *Teach Yourself NLP by Steve Bavister and Amanda Vickers (McGraw-Hill, 2004). 2009-02-26T02:42:49Z

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the-power-of-pacing

2009-02-26T05:33:24Z

Vulcan mind meld? No—it's respectful matching that works to increase rapport

The Power of Pacing

2009-02-26T05:33:24Z