The Power of Play

"When you die, God and the angels will hold you accountable for all the pleasures you were allowed in life that you denied yourself." ~ Roger Housden I grew up with an often-stern, workaholic father who every now and then would surprise my four sisters and me with a passionate, loving burst of playfulness. We all might be laboring in the hot California sun over our backyard weed garden, hearing my father repeatedly direct, "Make sure you get the roots!," when suddenly my-dad-the-drill-sergeant would turn into my-dad-the-enthusiastic-camp-director. "Okay!" he'd proclaim with an audible change of heart, "enough of this, get in the car, we're all going to the beach!" In his own idiosyncratic way, my dad gave me both a deep passion for play and an unwavering work ethic. Weaving work and play together has been a key motivator in creating a career and life I love. Many of my clients want this too. Not only do we want balanced lives, but we also want our work to feel authentic, joyful and meaningful, i.e., more like play. So how do we get there? First, by acknowledging the beneficial role of play in our health and well being. I share my childhood story because all of us have received parental and societal messages about the relative importance of work and play. Certainly our Puritan-ethic cultural history has devalued play as frivolous or something we do only in our leisure time, if we can spare any. I invite you to look at your own beliefs about play and see if they match your desires for the life you want. For example, many of us see work and play as opposites. But says, Dr. Stuart Brown, psychiatrist and founder of the National Institute for Play, "the opposite of play is not work. It's depression." This would suggest that infusing play into our everyday lives is crucial to our health and happiness.   As a psychiatrist, Dr. Brown also interviewed thousands of people to capture their play profiles. He found the active presence of play in the accomplishments of the very successful. He also identified negative consequences that inevitably accumulated in those who had a play-deprived life.   That play is good for us is not surprising. We all know from our own experience that we unload stress and feel better when we're having fun. Why is it, then, that people who exercise regularly, eat well, socialize with friends, and take regular vacations may still feel pleasure and play deprived? The answer may have to do more with how we play than what we play.  Dr. Brown explains that certain kinds of play put us in an altered state, which has proven beneficial to learning, creativity and enhanced brain development. In collaboration with Jane Goodall, he has taken his cues about play in humans from the way animals in the wild play. Altered-state play characteristics include a softened gaze and claws drawn back.  In other words, it is an open-hearted state in which we are poised for loving rather than fighting. "It's the altered state that allows [us] to explore the possible," says Dr. Brown. Dr. Brown notes that regardless of the type of play activity we choose, the qualities of humor, games, roughhousing, fantasy, and flirtation are what seem to induce the altered state that is so regenerative. It could be physical play, such as a game of chase, or imaginative play through storytelling, what matters is that we eliminate the goal-orientation. As soon as the play has a goal or purpose larger than the goal of playing for play's sake, it ceases being play. For example, I love to roller blade, but the body toning benefits are a nice side effect of the real reason I do it -- to move fast through the air and feel good! If I were skating primarily to lose weight, the element of "success or failure" would cloud the feel-good altered state that opens me to inspiration and joy. Pure, unadulterated play without a goal is especially nourishing because it engages the senses fully. We've all experienced the surprise of biting into a peach that was so ripe the juices unexpectedly spurted all over and ran down our chin. In that moment, we were caught off-guard, maybe smiling or laughing, fully experiencing the joy of the messy, juicy moment. When this happens, we have taken a brief vacation from our thinking minds and entered the realm of feeling and pleasure. Spontaneity is another key to pure play. In preschool, my daughters had "free choice" time.  For thirty unstructured minutes, the kids could roam the play kitchen, blocks, art and dress-up areas and do whatever they felt like in the moment. The kid in each of us loves the freedom that comes with free-choice time. But when I suggest to my clients that they schedule free, unstructured time into their Blackberries, you'd think I'd encouraged them to commit a felony! Most of us lead such highly programmed lives that truly-free time feels a little threatening. We might even fear that without a plan, we will waste the precious time we've allotted for "fun." But the benefits are worth going out of our comfort zone for. We get to know ourselves -- our passions, our desires and needs -- when we are alone with ourselves in our free time. Unprogram a weekly time slot in your calendar and you will be creating space to become empowered through play. The fact is, completely planned lives don't meet all of our essential core needs. In addition to a need for comfort and security, you might be surprised to know that we also have a core need for uncertainty. The creative child inside of us craves new experiences. Variety, adventure, and potential for surprise quench our thirst for new possibilities. We never outgrow our need for exploration and discovery. Unstructured play also feeds our need for security, because choosing to have free time to do whatever we want actually gives us a sense of control over our lives. If pure play meets our needs for security and uncertainty, spontaneity, enjoying the sensual pleasures of life, and capturing joy in the moment, wouldn't we be wise to bring our playful selves with us to work? I'm not suggesting you should stop taking your work seriously, only that you begin taking yourself less seriously. What if you were serious about making your work feel like play? How would your experience at the office be different? An affirmation like, "in every day, in every way, I fully enjoy my work," might jump-start a more playful approach. Play is different for each of us. The key is to get more of the right kind of play, for you, into your life. To do this, go back into your own play history. How did you love to play as a kid? Relax. Take a deep breath. Close your eyes and explore backwards to your most clear, joyful memory. What comes up? How does that memory connect with your life now? One of my clients, a lawyer with a stressful practice, remembered her love for coloring in coloring books. She found that bringing Scooby-Doo back into her life allowed her be light-hearted and creative without self-judgment -- and she could even color outside the lines if she wanted! A business executive client began coaching with me feeling burdened by responsibilities and wanting more fun in his life. After brainstorming new hobbies, our focus moved to an unexpected place – eliminating his energy drains at work. We are now focusing on streamlining his meetings and systems to fully support his goals. As he frees up energy at work, he will likely experience "a lightening" in the other areas of his life as well. What if your made your inner playful, creative self your chief ally at work? You can do this by setting an intention to experience more of a quality, such as delight, at work. When we keep our humor, spunk, and zest for adventure under wraps, it's like telling our most alive self to stay home and take a nap. You deserve to have your playful energy enlivening your days - at home and at work. It’a a myth that playfulness precludes productivity. A supervising colleague I worked with years ago at Boston University was a great role model for me. He had a stash of colorful, plastic wind-up toys in his desk drawer. Whenever I would take myself too seriously, he'd pull out a toy, wind it up, and place it in my hand. In an instant, my playful smile returned. 2009-07-14T18:12:26Z

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Have you succeeded in turning your work into play? Or are you still striving for a future goal of "I'll be happy when ________"? Find out what kind of play can nurture the life and business you love.

The Power of Play

2009-07-15T14:21:37Z