“We need people in our lives with whom we can be as open as possible. To have real conversation with people may seem like such a simple, obvious suggestion, but it involves courage and risk." ~ Thomas Moore
It's not about "what if?" it's about "what to do when I’m sidelined by my inner critic(s)?" Here are ten things that I do and what I recommend you consider trying:
1. Make a list right now of your favorite five people who love and believe in you and will tell you the truth when you're being ridiculously pessimistic.
2. Keep their phone numbers by the phone and their emails next to your computer (and also saved in your cellphone, if you have one).
3. Use the above phone list or emails at least once a week to stay committed to the tasks that you have promised yourself.
4. Keeping your word to yourself builds self-esteem (integrity) and self-esteem helps you keep going when the going gets rough—when the naysayers/joy-busters in your mind (or life) get louder and meaner.
5. Avoid dream-bashers wherever they may hide. Too many times these are loved ones and family who feel afraid and, perhaps, a bit envious of your courage to "get out there" and risk not being liked by everybody.
6. Do one fun thing a day or writing will feel like a dreadful obligation that doesn't give back…this is a guaranteed obstacle that you can begin to plan for and, more importantly, avoid.
7. Reward yourself every 45-minutes that you are on the job of writing and publishing—have a cup of tea, a walk to the mailbox, a yoga stretch or two, make an appointment for a massage at the end of the week, or keep available frozen grapes and pop 'em in your mouth at various intervals. I've found this to be surprisingly satisfying, etc.
8. If you have trouble taking breaks, drink lots of water or other non-toxic liquids but do avoid alcohol while writing—most writers are orally-fixated and get sloppy and some have even fallen under the tyrant of alcoholism. Booze is often used to “get the juices flowing.” If you doubt this, take a look into the annals of literary history: think of Hemmingway, Faulkner, Capote, Fitzgerald, Sexton, Burroughs, etc.
9. Ask that inner critic what it needs. Say, “I see you and hear you. It sounds like you’re trying to protect me from being vulnerable or humiliated. Please tell me what you want me to know.” Then, like you’re talking to a three-year-old having a tantrum say, “I get that you’re upset and afraid. I totally understand that you want what you want NOW! And, today, we’re going to go home and make lunch together instead. I promise, you’ll feel so much better.” Get practice and watch what happens.
10. Commit to a good night's sleep—learn to hypnotize yourself or do a body scan, if that's what it takes. The reason to do this is that not only does it feel good for your whole body. It truly helps the creative juices flow.
What are some things you do to arrest that inner critic?
Learn more about the author, Jennifer Manlowe.
I'm going to take you up on #10 shortly, although I've never attempted self-hypnosis tricks.
Letting my mind empty itself seems to work best for me.
In answer to your closing question, I try to remind myself that if a myriad of others were walking around seeing the same vision as I, then there would have been no urgent reason for that vision to be entrusted to me.
“The value of what you have to offer is not diminished because someone can’t accept it” – Kelleen Griffin
That's one of the best titles I've ever seen... (and a good article, too!) Thanks Jennifer.
As a coach, I meet people's inner critics all the time, and it's amazing how wily and pervasive those voices can be! A fun way to start separating yourself from the critic is to take some time to really give it a full persona. What does he/she/it/they look like? What kind of voice? Do they have a smell? Who are their allies and cohorts? What is their favorite activity? What kinds of things are they usually saying?
And then, imagine the other side: what is that critic afraid of? what embarrasses them? what makes them run and hide? what is their own personal version of kryptonite? what qualities do you have that the critic feels threatened by?
It can be a really fun exercise! I've had people discover that their critic was a committee of Eastern Bloc judges; a thin, vapid ghost; a mafia underboss; a Schmeadle-like wraith; a big fat amorphous blob . I also see people find new ways of dealing with the critic when they start separating it from themselves and treating as a separate entity that they can choose to interact with or not.
A great book to look for help dealing with your inner critic is "Taming Your Gremlin" by Rick Carson.
Thanks for the article, Jennifer!
Great title, great subject matter, and a great article. Having a balanced and and objective critic is always an advantage, however, our inner critic can be too harsh, to aggressive, and too unrestrained. Writing is more often a fight with our internal gremlins that is is with communicating genuinely with prospective readers.
Thanks Jennifer for the great insights and observation.
Very good article and the tips are very doable too.
"Lavish love on others, receive it gratefully when it comes to you. Cultivate friendship like a garden. It is the best love of all." ~ Sister Helen Prejean
Thanks you all. I love hearing your skillful feedback and feel moved to learn how willing to integrate what works as well as bump up the insights!
I love the book you mentioned Kristy and those tips are outstanding. You might want to join me in attending a Voice Dialogue weekend for women retreat on talking to the parts of ourselves that shut down or disown each other. It's run by one of our beloved Bizniks and co-founders of the Voice Dialogue Institute right here in Seattle. Their names are Miriam Dyak and Cassandra Cosme De Pree and the website is: The Voice Dialogue Institute.
Best of luck all!
Jennifer, your writing goes to the heart of things every time.
I resonate quite a bit with #5, avoiding dream-bashers. One of my favorite quotes on this is:
"When people don’t approve of your dreams, don’t be moved. Their approval is not a prerequisite for your success.” – Mark Saint
I want to give a shout out to the upcoming retreat with Miriam & Cassandra, mentioned above. I took a Voice Dialogue seminar with them several years ago, and it was so helpful. I'm one that needs those inner voices to be recognized or I get all tangled up in my own mind. Truly self-sabotaging! Voice Dialogue is an excellent way to understand what's going on inside of us; Miriam and Cassandra are gracious and skilled leaders.
thank you for the article Jennifer. It is very refreshing and surprising to find an article that acknowledges the invisible forces that shape a business/owner.
Great Hook!
Fantastic Article. That inner assassin must be sedated immediately...
:)
Jennifer,
Unfortunately, my inner critic/assassin looks, sounds and acts just like me! She is believable because she is so subtle. If our inner critics told us complete whoppers, our rational minds would immediately kick in and identify the criticism as utter nonsense. The criticisms which have a grain of truth are the ones that are so insidious.
Thank you for this article, Jennifer. Much food for thought here, and absolutely a "must" to re-read!
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