Why I NEVER Ask for Referrals (but I get them anyway) Part 1 of 2

Whether you’re a solopreneur or CEO, you probably like to receive referrals. But asking people for referrals can be problematic. This article explains why and provides an alternative approach that is more comfortable and effective for most businessowners.

Written Nov 16, 2008, read 847 times since then.

This is Part 1 of a two part article.

Have you EVER had the good fortune to earn a referral from a client or center-of-influence?

If so, you know how desirable and valuable they are for your business or practice.

A referral to a qualified prospect who truly appreciates the benefits you offer - received from a respected individual - is likely to produce:

1. a shorter, quicker path to a new client,

2. easier access to the referral, and

3. a well-deserved boost to your confidence and self-esteem

As a Duct Tape Marketing coach, I specialize in working with people who offer a valuable, problem-solving expertise or service. Unlike businesses that are marketing a tangible product, marketing an intangible, personally rendered service is quite different.

When talking with a service provider or professional, I like to ask, "What is the BEST way for YOU to get clients?". Invariably, they tell me: "Referrals" or "Word-of-Mouth".

I then ask, "If that's the best way for you to get clients, are you getting ENOUGH of them to meet your numbers?" Their answer, in most cases, is "No, not really".

My next question is, "If a referral is your BEST way to get a client . . . and you're NOT GETTING ENOUGH of them to make you happy, do you know WHY that is so and HOW to correct the situation?" Again, the answers I usually hear are, "Not really" and "No".

Personally, I find it difficult to accept that an excellent method (referrals) for generating a business necessity (clients / revenues) would be so good and yet so problematic for so many.

As a professional practitioner myself in a former life, I knew first-hand how important it is to generate an adequate number of referrals to people who look like the kind of people who, in the past, appreciated the value I offered, desired the benefits I produced and were willing to pay me a fee was both appropriate for the value they received and the profit I wanted.

Early on in my career, I knew in my heart that there had to be a better way to generate a consistent and adequate flow of referrals other than to keep asking, "Who do you know who would be interested in the services I offer?". And, if there was, I was determined to find it.

As I began to study how people in service fields generated referrals, I discovered that most people who said 'referrals' really meant 'word-of-mouth'. There's a BIG difference!

In fact, I learned that people who aren't getting referrals typically aren't 'asking' for them.

This factor alone - waiting passively like a fisherman in a boat vs. a proactive skin diver who goes over the side with a spear gun in hand - more than any other, is the 'dirty little secret' behind the symptom of 'not enough referrals'. Prospecting truly is a contact sport!

I then ask, "So tell me, if it's so good when you get referrals . . . why aren't you asking for them more often than you do?" Their answers -- their challenges to more referrals -- fall into three (3) basic categories.

"My Ego is on the line"

Many people don't ask for referrals because they don't feel comfortable asking for them. "I feel like I'm standing naked in front of someone" is the way one woman described how she felt when she would ask for referrals from someone. Technically, she's right. When you ask for a referral, you are putting your ego on the line - especially if you're providing a personally rendered business service or professional expertise. The risk of personal rejection is always present.

"People aren't psychic"

Most people aren't psychic. So asking, "Who do you know who could use my services?" is more likely to produce a 'deer-in-the-headlights' look than a referral. Unless someone tells you they have a problem in some area of their life, how would you know if they'd care to know about someone who offers a service that addresses that kind of problem? You wouldn't!

So asking, "Who do you know . . ." is very often problematic.

"It's not easy to make judgments of people"

Are you a 'problem-solver'? Do you help people eliminate a problem in their life? Are their problems ever . . . embarrassing to have? If so, then judging someone as being 'in need' of your problem-solving service is going to be difficult for most people. Why? Because it requires someone to make a subjective judgment that someone they may know is somehow 'not right'.

For example, one of my clients is a financial advisor. If she asks, "Do you know someone who could use a financial planner?" she's effectively asking, "Who do you know who's messed up financially?" Even if you know or suspect someone you know is 'not right' financially, it's extremely difficult to make that judgment of them. Even if you're right, the risk of recrimination by the person you could refer someone to ("Who are YOU to presume that I need financial help?!") often makes people reluctant to give you a referral to someone who may very well be an excellent and truly qualified prospect for your problem-solving service and expertise.

RECAP: Part 1 of 2

In this part 1 of my 2 part article, let's recap quickly:

Referrals are good to get . . . they offer an efficient and effective way to new clients
'Referrals' are mentioned but what people really mean is 'word-of-mouth'
Most people are not actively asking for referrals . . . they're passively waiting for them to happen
Despite their significant value, most people are clueless about how to get more of them from other people
There are three (3) main reasons why people aren't more effective at asking for referrals:

   a. the risk of personal rejection is perceived to be
   relatively high

   b. people don't always know someone who may want the
   benefits you offer

   c. people don't like to make judgments about other people
   being 'not right'

In Part 2 of this article, I introduce you to a proven process I developed that addresses these obstacles to generating a consistent and adequate flow of people who are likely to value your services, desire your benefits and pay you a fair price to enjoy them.

Until then . . . be well!

As a Duct Tape Marketing Coach and a licensed facilitator of The Ultimate Client Development System® I help professionals in law, accounting and financial services build relationships, referrals, clients and the revenues that follow.

For more informat

Learn more about the author, Bill Doerr.

Comment on this article

Posted by Paul Pukis, Marysville, Washington | Nov 16, 2008

I'm excited to read Part II.
Posted by Ed Sweet, Phoenix, Arizona | Nov 16, 2008

Great article, Bill. You're keeping me in suspense. :-)
Posted by Elizabeth Rightor MA MEd, Seattle, Washington | Nov 16, 2008

I am looking forward to part II as well. As a therapist, marketing can be a little tricky. I've seen referral partners struggle with the third challenge. How can you refer someone to a therapist who you really believe could help someone without making them feel put on the spot? My advice to such partners is always to trust themselves and speak about the possibilities that such a service can open up. Thank you for an interesting article.
Posted by Bill Doerr, Kensington, Connecticut | Nov 16, 2008

Paul and Ed, thank you all for the kind words . . . glad you found Part 1 to be so interesting.

Elizabeth, you're so right! The burden of having to make a subjective judgment of another person as being somehow 'incomplete' is a huge emotional impediment that limits their inclination to refer anyone they may know.

One of my clients is colonic irrigationist . . . think about that one and the challenges she faces getting referrals! ;-)

Also, my father was a psychiatrist. If it weren't for patient referrals from other MD's, think of the challenge he faced if he asked a patient or layperson, "Anyone you know who isn't quite right?"

I'll make sure you each get Part 2 . . . I'm planning to upload it on Monday . . . you will like it and it will allow you to build your relationship base and the revenues that suggests . . . without having to sell your soul to do it!

Stay tuned!

Converting competence into compensation
Posted by Tshombe Brown, Portland, Oregon | Nov 16, 2008

Wow. What an article, Bill!

I'm sitting on pins and needles: Do I really have to wait till Monday?!

Looking forward to your insights.

Warm regard --

Tshombe

Sales Success Tele-Interview Series
Posted by Joe Hage, Seattle, Washington | Nov 17, 2008

Bill, please add me to the list. Send me an email with a link to Part II so I'm sure not to miss it.

Joe Hage
Posted by Bill Doerr, Kensington, Connecticut | Nov 17, 2008

Trust me, if you've been nice enough to post here, I'll be sure to let you know of the Part 2 when I upload it.

Thanks to each of you for the supportive comments.

Bill

Converting competence into compensation
Posted by Maureen Bray, Portland, Oregon | Nov 18, 2008

Bill ~ this is very helpful info indeed for solopreneurs who rely on referrals yet don't know quite the best way to get them. Looking forward to Part 2!!
Posted by Carol Skolnick, Santa Cruz, California | Nov 18, 2008

I await part II with great interest!
Posted by Dr.Stephanie Rozenhart, San Jose, California | Nov 18, 2008

Really looking forward to part 2. This is something that is so important and needs to be handled correctly.
Posted by Jean Sackin, Alexandria, Virginia | Nov 18, 2008

My business IS referrals - giving them and getting them - so I am eager to hear what your suggestions will be.

I can already tell that your three reasons will be of tremendous help to me and others in my business.
Posted by Dawn Kinsey, Seattle, Washington | Nov 18, 2008

I'd also love to know when you post part II. Thanks for your work.
Posted by Jamie Lang, Seattle, Washington | Nov 19, 2008

Very interested to see Part II. Way to keep us all on pins and needles!
Posted by Bill Doerr, Kensington, Connecticut | Nov 19, 2008

You are all so very kind . . . I've already uploaded the Part II . . . Dan McComb's going over it now . . . should be released anytime now.

If all else fails, I'll post it on my server and send each of you a link to download it.

Thanks for your kind words . . . I know you'll find the answer to the issue worth waiting for!

Converting competence into compensation
Posted by Rachel Whalley, Seattle, Washington | Nov 20, 2008

Yay for part II! Bill, I especially appreciate your comments about referrers having to "make a judgment" about the people they consider referring, based on the service, ie "do I LOOK like I need financial help?!"

Since your dad was a psychiatrist, you understand what I work with as a therapist...it's a really delicate situation for me to ask for referrals!

What interested me, though, was your example of the financial planner who seemed to have the same issue. It never occurred to me that any other industry would have this challenge, but now I certainly see that mine is not the only service that people might keep "secret".

Fascinating.

Healing for body image and self-esteem issues
Posted by Gary Kendrick, Tumwater, Washington | Feb 05, 2009

Bill, you have posted some great articles. I am looking forward to seeing more in the future. You bring out a lot of good points that are great for any small business or entrepreneur looking for more success.
Posted by Bill Doerr, Kensington, Connecticut | Feb 05, 2009

Gary --

Thank you. Hearing nice things about what matters never goes out of style.

I think you'd like the PART 2 of this two part article!

Check it out at: http://biznik.com/articles/why-i-never-ask-for-referrals-but-i-get-them-anyway-part-2-of-2

All the best,

Bill

Converting competence into compensation