<p>I had this client who came in for her first visit, and spent the first twenty minutes apologizing for being a waste of my time because her problems weren’t “bad” enough. Later she told me that one of the biggest emotional shifts for her was when I helped her see that there was no hierarchy of pain — her struggles are just as important, her pain as worth healing, as anyone else’s.</p><p><b>For one reason or another, people everyday talk themselves out of getting help</b>. While the story sounds convincing in our own heads, they’re pretty similar when you lay them out:</p><ul><li>People will think I'm a weak business owner if I ask for help.</li><li>Any emotion is a sign of unprofessionality.</li><li>My family would never in a million years admit anything was wrong.</li></ul><p><b>My particular sabotage is telling myself that I’m supposed to be able to handle anything</b>, that asking for help is whining and it inconveniences and/or hurts those who have to help me. I’ve worked on this story of mine, and most of the time, I can reach out without much shame. It’s one of those issues, though, that I’ll likely be doing maintenance on my whole life.</p><p>Robert Fulghum wrote a <a href="http://www.volny.cz/mirek.spider/fulghum/gkstory.htm">great essay</a> about a guy who was dying and decided not to tell his family because he didn’t want to worry them. Fulghum compared this to the one kid who plays hide-and-seek a little too well. He says he wants to shout, “get found, kid!”</p><p><b>Independence is such an admirable quality in our country</b>, and especially prized by those of us brave enough to start our own companies. And yet it can be a limitation when it prevents us from realizing that everyone, EVERYONE, needs help sometimes.</p><p><b>Asking for help isn't a sign of weakness, it's a recognition that no one person has everything they could possibly need to do the job.</b> I am not perfect. Neither are you. And yet we persist in putting up the image that everything in our lives, our business, our outfits and websites, is perfectly polished.</p><p><b>The truth is, there's a relief in reaching out for the second set of hands or eyes</b>. We're not meant to do everything on our own. There's so many stories just within Biznik of people realizing that they saved so much time, money, and heartache when they finally outsourced jobs that were not within their specialty range. And in reaching out, they positively affected not just their own businesses, but also the businesses of those with whom they contracted.</p><p><b>I have a quote on my desk that I glance at when I, or my clients, need reminding about the importance of asking for help</b>. It applies to more than just family and friends. Many of us started a business to make a difference in the lives of others. When you struggle with asking for help, try to see that it will open not just your heart, but the heart of those who get to help, as well.</p><p><b>"Trouble is a part of life, and if you don’t share it, you don’t give the person who loves you a chance to love you enough.”<br /></b>–Dinah Shore</p>
2008-04-13T04:33:23Z
2008-04-13T16:19:55Z
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why-its-so-hard-for-indies-to-ask-for-help
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2008-04-13T16:19:40Z
2008-04-13T16:19:40Z
<p>Being an indie means, by definition, breaking out on your own and forging your own path. We are the new frontier of rugged individualists. And therein lies our biggest liability--no business can succeed without at least occasional help from others.</p>
Why It's So Hard for Indies To Ask for Help
0
2009-02-24T09:43:54Z