Hopelessly bad with names and faces

I've tried lots of books on this, and as a faux-geek I share your pain.

All I can say is that you're not the only one, and most of us understand and don't really take offense. We do the same thing to others over and over. My wife loves to call it a "senior moment". (Which she can do, as she's only a couple of years from retirement.)

I've tried that trick where if he's Mr. Behr and he owns a toilet factory, you picture him sitting on the commode in his bare bottom, but there can be dangerous implications when you meet the next time.

Hey, Avonelle. This is such a common problem—for most of us, I would suspect. I actually know someone who has that medical condition where they don't recognize people they have just met or have even known a long time. Now THAT would make networking a nightmare!

I try the association game, as Dick mentioned, when it works. Otherwise, I'm much more apt to remember if I see the name in print, as on a name tag. My husband (and business partner) is much better at faces. So, between the two of us, we usually do okay. I either remember from the name if I've seen it in print or he relates the face to a name.

You are not alone!

this happens to me all the time, i'm more concerned with being polite and the name goes in one ear and out the other.

instead of just saying "nice to meet you" try adding their name on to it at the end. instead of just having heard the name, you'll have said it, associated it with their face, and thought about it for a minute. i have found this to work for me, though it doesn't work all the time, it helps a lot.

funny thing is, on the flipside, i never expect anyone to remember a name like "heather." ha!

I've got a friend who seems to have no visual memory when it comes to faces. When he meets somebody new, he takes their picture with his cell phone, and (if they give him a card) writes the picture # on the card, as well as a sentence or two about how they met and context as to why he wants to remember them. He explains the picture with "I'm bad with faces, do you mind if I take your picture?"

Oh, Michael, that's great. This friend of yours obviously has some great coping skills.

I had never heard of this before I met this woman in my writer's group. Her son has it, too, and he works at a car dealership on the maintenance side. He will collect someone's keys, talk to them and then when their car is ready, he has no idea which person in the waiting room it is. Puts our minor memory glitches in perspective, doesn't it?

Here's a fun tip that works well for remembering names and faces. When you meet someone new, focus on their face and try to come up with an adjective that starts with the same letter of the person's first name.

Then, you can be thinking, "That was Savvy Susan or Entreprenuer Ed or Physical Therapist Pam. You'd be amazed how well this works. Try it and see.

I have the same problem with remembering names and I'm even a Dale Carnegie graduate (one whole session teaches the class how to remember names).

This isn't the exact situation you find yourself in but maybe you can modify: I am currently in two or three meetings a week with people I'm meeting for the first time. If it's a small group, I write each person's name in my notebook and, when I return to my desk, I look them up in the corporate address book. I add them to a spreadsheet noting their full name, department, position, and how I met them or why they were in the meeting.

In meetings of more than 15, I note the names of the six people who contribute the most and do the same lookup when I return to my desk.

If you exchange business cards, maybe you could write some memory triggers on the backs. Would probably look better than taking notes in a small notebook or using a digital recorder.

When I attend a Biznik event, I try to take a printout of who else will be there so I can associate each person with their picture.

Thanks for all the good ideas everyone. I too am terrible with names. I can't say I've tried everything but I don't like forgetting when I know I've met some one before. Art T.

I have friends who never ever forget a face no matter how short the interaction. I, on the other hand, have trouble putting names to faces, although once I know who I'm talking to I remember every thing we talked about the last time we met. I actually wrote about remember names in my book "Small Talk Savvy." I got some great input from people who excel at remembering names. A few pointers: try to be fully present when you're introduced (rather than worrying about what you're going to say next). If you've forgotten their name even before the conversation is over, just politely admit to your mind-like-a-sieve and ask them again. You can also use your own interests and points of reference to remember the name. If you're introduced to a "Bob" and know a guy named Bob just say to yourself "Bob, like my friend from high school." If you meet a Maria, and love the song from West Side Story, think to yourself, "Maria like the song," or Ty like baseball great Ty Cobb. You could assign a definition to the name: Lily is the flower, Diana is the Greek goddess. Some people like to use rhymes that connect the name with what the person does: Brad the restaurant comrade, Sue the cosmetic guru. Of course, having said all this, you can also just embrace this personal foible (as you've read, many of us suffer from this) and be sure to make the other person feel at ease and enjoy your conversation. That's what they'll remember, not that you forgot their name.

Wow! Like you Avonelle, I am horrible with both names and faces. My husband is terrific with both. He can bounce into someone from 14 years ago and remember everything about them. It's incredible. I wish I had that ability.

I've never read any books on it. I've excepted the fact that this just happens to be something I'm not good at. I do have a trick. It's going to sound silly but somehow I can pull it off. I am extremely vague but overly polite and enthusiastic when speaking. For instance, if someone is saying hi to me or waving, I will say something like, "Hey, how are you?" or just a real happy "Hello". The only time I've tripped up on the vagueness is when I am with someone else and will need to introduce. I'm dead if that occurs.

Hi Avonelle,

I used to be pretty good with names and faces, but not so much anymore.

One strategy I use when I am leading a workshop is to use the person's name as soon as I hear it. So if people are doing introductions or check-ins, at the end of their statement, I'll say something like, "Thanks, Avonelle. It's great to have you here."

I make eye contact and just spend a second or so really being present to them.

I also am quick to ask someone to remind me of their name if I have forgotten it.

This almost always works, and the few names I get wrong or forget are readily forgiven because people can see I am paying attention to each individual.

I can get names right in a room of 50 people, but a week later I haven't a clue who they are. I can forget a friend's name, too! In those situations, I just bust myself to save everyone discomfort. I'll say something like,

"I sure hope you remember your name, because I've managed to forget it."

"I know we've met, and I haven't a clue where. I'm Molly. And you are...?"

Being upfront and okay with my memory lapses seems to make everyone feel good.

Funny, I usually have this problem in the very short term. Often I will hear someone's name and forget it before we even end our conversation.

I find I have to hear someone's name twice or three times, and repeat it back at least once before I'll retain it. Luckily, I can usually work that in during a 10 minute networking chat. If I have less time than that, yeah, I'll likely forget that person's name, but I'm encouraged to think they've likely forgotten mine as well, and will therefore understand if I have to ask for a reminder.

I love Molly's suggestions for ways to smooth over the name-blank moment. My method is much more blunt: Whether it's only been a few minutes or many days since we met, I'll say, "I'm sorry, can you tell me your name again?"

I find people treat this as very normal, especially in a networking situtation. And in fact, sometimes it seems to convey that I'm actually paying attention, not just glad-handing and blindly passing out cards without a hint of Presence.

One nice thing about Biznik is it gives me more information and behavior to help me remember someone. If I meet someone at an event and they've done anything on the site, like start a forum post (!), I'm so much more likely to retain their name and their profile picture in my head.

“A person’s ability to grow and succeed is largely related to their ability to suffer embarrassment.” ~ Doug Engelbart

Checkout the very interesting Oliver Sacks book, THE MAN WHO MISTOOK HIS WIFE FOR A HAT

Sacks also struggles with facial-recall as does his friend, the famous primatologist, Jane Goodall. Goodall speaks about this in REASON FOR HOPE: A Spiritual Journey.

So know that you're in good company!

I spoke about this very issue in my latest article for Biznik called MAKING THE MOST OF YOUR PROFESSIONAL SEMINARS. People who like the challenge of overcoming awkwardness will probably make it as an Indie!

http://biznik.com/members/jennifer-manlowe/articles/making-the-most-of-your-professional-seminars-0

Many people seem to have problems with remembering names, even when they seem to have similar interests and connect. It just seems to be one of the difficulties of meeting a lot of new people.

Maybe not a good solution, but when in groups, I tend to keep quiet when I have been at the networking event for a while, unless I know I have something new to say.

Once, I was in a group that was talking about Hurricane Katrina. One person said that she had been to Louisiana to check out the damage. I almost said that I have family there, but kept quiet. Later, I realized this same person who who I had talked to about having family in Louisiana a few hours before! Now that would have been a disaster! I am glad I kep quiet.

April Michelle Davis