Let's learn from our mistakes

One phrase! Valentine's Day 2007! I (we) made soooooo many mistakes. I really wanted to "die" when it was all done with...but, instead I learned a lot and this year...we did much much much much better!..only made a couple mistakes instead of a mountain of them!

The day that one stops learning is the day that you're dead! Life has so many important lessons to teach a person and so many different paths you can go down. It is up to that person on whether or not they're going to slow down and admit that they made a mistake, to learn from it and do better in the future.

Good luck!

Chris, what a humble thing you have done. Admit a slip-up so others can learn from it. What it does is make you "transparent," which in these days of Web 2.0 is what we need to be. I knew that blogging was a powerful tool, but it's a reminder to all of us that. like you said, you can't take it back once it's posted. I tend to write off the top of my head sometimes, so that was something I needed to hear. Thank you!

Mistakes? I've made more than I can count. Once, as a newbie, back in the not-so transparent days of typed letters with cc's and bcc's (blind carbon copies), I was writing a very important letter for the president of the organization and I screwed up and put bcc at the bottom of the letter to the exact person who was not supposed to know that others had received a copy of the letter. Boy, did I get reprimanded...by the president! (never made THAT mistake again) I'm sure I've made worse mistakes than that, but for some reason that one came to mind.

Failure is only failure if you don't learn from it.

Wow, Chris! Bold topic!

I struggle on a daily basis to become one with patience.

When I first entered the scene of the music biz and recording, I was clueless to the fact that people embellish when talking about their experience in order to gain business. I was star-struck by statements like “I was nominated for Grammy” or “I produced a hit song.” I was so focused on my music projects and recording and getting things done. I was just excited to have someone with experience who was willing to help. So, I didn’t take the time to do research on these “music professionals”, check references, or sit down to get to know them first and understand what they know…or don’t know. AND I relied on them for information, rather than doing my own background reading.

My lack of patience on top of my eagerness/drive to get my own work published aided in my ignorance to warning signs that these people I'm working with actually didn’t care about my project like they said they did, or didn’t know as much as originally claimed. Money and time down the drain. And believe it or not, although I've lived my life by trying not to make the same mistake twice, I continued the "lack of patience" theme a few more times in different scenarios. I caused myself unnecessary stress because I was so focused on the goal and moving forward in a timely manner, I ignored the warning signs because that meant going off my schedule.

What schedule?! I'm a musician with a day job! Unless I'm going to die tomorrow, time is on my side!

So, I’m working this issue…on schedule!

We all make mistakes - some big, some small. I have learned to 'take the heat' out of my mistakes by always asking, "what did I learn". Boy, do some of those lessons 'burn!'

I posted a tip - "Making it Right...For Yourself" about one of my most recent mistakes. Fortunately, it wasn't a biggie.

Bridget, it's great that you recognize those things in yourself. Even if you have to work every day at it, it's better than being ignorant of it!

I try to learn from my mistakes, but sometimes it takes a couple knocks on the head before it sinks in.

Big recent mistake? I pulled myself out of biznik because I was "tired of networking." Picture me with my wrist over my forehead in agony. Oy. What drama.

I came back because I was being silly, of course.

I can't take back a really weird move and comment on a post, but I'm trying to learn from it. I'm learning that it's not always about me.

Wait, was that about me? I'm not sure, I think... maybe? No.

Marianna, that was a great tip. :)

Most of my mistakes have been of the "everyone says not to do this, but I'm sure it'll be different for me" variety. Stupid, I know.

It's so easy to think "I'm special; I'll be able to do this without the same problems cause I'm smarter/nicer/have freckles," right?

Sometimes I know I'm testing the thin ice when I do stuff like that, just waiting to see if it falls through because it's not a big deal and I can handle the lesson. But once in a while I really think I'll be able to sneak through the issue in a way that others didn't, and I get caught right in the doorway. Ouch!

Like when I thought I didn't need to bother with pre-payment for long-distance clients....ha! Well, I only need to get stiffed once to learn that lesson, but it sure does sting going down.

Ugh....don't you just hate making a mistake? I do. Live and learn.

One of my first mistakes as a newbie was a misquote. I learned that lesson VERY quickly. Quote accurately and specifically.

Most of my mistakes have to do with trusting people too much. I don't seem to be able to learn that one, maybe it's in my nature, who knows? I am also too generous sometimes, offering discounts unnecessarily. This might be cultural too (I'm Turkish+Greek). One thing I definitely learned with jewelry is to take a down payment for commissioned pieces. People change their minds sometimes but it costs me!

I totally agree with you Rachel, I think I unconsciously think that it won't happen to me. :)

I can also second Bridget with "lack of patience". I was born 6.5 months old. So maybe that's in my genes!! :)

Oh I've got some of those!

• Forgetting to add admin costs into my proposal.
• Not charging a booking fee and then having a client cancel at no cost to them after reserving space in my calendar for them.
• Handing files over before full payment is received.
• Giving TOO much away for free.
• Charging too little.
• Not doing contracts, even for trades, to lay out exactly what each party is responsible for and running into issues of expectation later.

I KNOW there are more somewhere. I've had some HUGE learning curves. Eesh!

It's kinda funny how long it took people to post to this thread! Fear factor? Revealing?

Personally, I think this thread is really important. I look at it as a list of mistakes I need to remind myself of not committing again, or at least committing my first offense on! It's just like that "to do" list. I'll keep it next to that!

Getting short changed to the tune of $6,000,000. Rather than getting a lawyer involved, in case I caused a business partner offence by not showing mutual trust, at the start of a business relationship. It hardly seemed worth it when we started out. It would have been extraordinarily good value as it turned out.

For years, I valued the expertise and professionalism I could offer clients above all else. In my actions, I put client relationships first. But, in cognitively determining my value and setting my prices, I emphasized the less relational elements.

I didn't understand that the biggest value I offer many clients has more to do with who I am and how we connect to each other. Things like creating a safe space where a person feels honored at the same time that we’re being action-oriented toward their desired goal and I may be challenging their ways of seeing or doing things. I devalued things that come naturally to me (like my huge enthusiasm for life, or being incredibly curious about who people are and what makes them tick).

This was a very expensive mistake. Not just financially, but in terms of my own confidence and self-appreciation. Part of what tipped the balance for me was when I realized in my own life how rare it can be to feel deeply acknowledged and listened to -- without any agenda on the part of the listener. I realized how much I cherished those few people who really could see into the heart of me, and were deeply affirming. When I realized how much I valued and coveted that for myself, I came to appreciate my own ability to give that very thing to people, while really enjoying it!

I have made many mistakes in my life. but for the most part, I hold the record for master of the First mistake. But the key to any mistake is not what happened, but how you respond to it. Some people learn. Others are repeaters. And a few remain clueless that anything is wrong.

We just had a long ago client return and ask for a unit to be sent immediately. Since we had been in business before, we sent the unit. We even had e-mails asking for installation help with lots of thanks. When I sent a follow up with an invoice, we got a reply saying they never installed the unit we sent, claiming it came too late, but based on the e-mails, that's not true.

So do we call this client a liar? Do we demand our unit back? Because the mistakes were on our end years ago, I am letting us think about this before we respond. They may think this is on a pay as it's sold. but being a small business, cash flow is a very fragile thing. So before a knee jerk reaction, I am letting my mind think this through and them format a way to resolve this. No solution yet.

The biggest mistake that I have made over the years is thinking that I could do everything and please everyone. Hence my time and money was stretched very very thin.

A few years ago the light bulb came on and I decided the direction that I wanted to go...resulting in discontinuing a lot of products and fragrances...some of which just didnt move fast enough and others that I really hated to make.

It was a very uplifting experience to get rid of the baggage and I felt like the world was lifted off of my shoulders.

My brain is constantly in motion and I have TONS of ideas so it is still a struggle for me to NOT branch out before I am ready.

Rebecca! It's that patience thing! Aaaah! I feel your pain, sister!

David - I've been in that situation before (with attorneys, no less!).

You're on the right track thinking it through rather than reacting. Take your time! Any time you appear in command of your emotions, you're in a better position for negotiating.

You may reach an impass in this situation, but you'll feel more in control, which only makes your business stronger.

Hey! Another lesson I learned the hard way. :)

Ahh... mistakes. I am a master at making mistakes. The biggest mistake, which I used to hold a lot of shame about, was sending my very first email newsletter of my new business out on September 12, 2001. Yup- right after 9/11.

I was scared financially- we were just starting, and I didn't watch TV, so although of course I knew what had happened, it hadn't really sunk in how big it was. I lost a friend over it, and received some shocked and angry emails back from folks.

And, I learned a heck of a lot. And through humility and a willingness to engage, I actually had some great exchanges with people.

I just wrote this article: Why you make some business mistakes over and over. Let me know if it resonates or is useful.

Ooof! I feel that one, Mark. No matter how hard friends and your readers were on you, I'll bet you were a hundred times harder on yourself.

I really appreciated that article, which just goes to show what a gift can come from royally screwing things up.

I actually forwarded the article to my husband especially for the part about Sufi wisdom seeing mistakes as a gateway. I love when you incorporate that kind of stuff. Thanks for sharing!