Networking Etiquette

Do's and don'ts for networking events.

Written Jun 10, 2008, read 587 times since then.

As I’ve attended and hosted Biznik networking events, I’ve been reminded more than once that “common sense” just isn’t as common as it should be. Things that seem obvious to me are not to everyone, and I’m sure the reverse is true. I offer this article to address two of the most common blunders I’ve witnessed at recent events, and to spark discussion and additional tips from readers!

TIP #1: PAY WHAT YOU OWE

We've all been there before: you host an event at a restaurant - maybe you're out with friends or, as many of us do, perhaps you're hosting a Biznik networking event. Only the restaurant won’t split the check. Most folks are pretty great about whipping out their cell phone calculators, figuring out what they owe, and leaving that plus a buck or two to cover their tab. But it seems that at every such event, there's always that one person who underpays (or, the nightmare when several do so), and the host or hostess gets stuck footing their bill.

It should go without saying that when you attend such an event and eat or drink, you absolutely must pay all that you owe. Then, for good measure, pad it by $.50 or $1. Hosting an event shouldn't cost the host money, especially if that cost is to pay for your meal. Nitpicking over a relatively small amount of money can end up costing you more than $2 – it can cost you your good reputation.

TIP #2: NEVER SHOVE YOUR BUSINESS CARD IN SOMEONE’S FACE

Recently I was at a great Biznik event, where people were mixing, mingling, and enjoying great food and drinks. It’s customary, at least in my world, that you meet someone, shake their hand, and chat a bit about this and that. The topic then comes around to your business (the inevitable “what do you do?”), and at that time, it’s perfectly appropriate to offer your conversational partner one of your business cards. (Bonus tip: whenever you give yours out, be sure to ask for theirs in return!)

I actually witnessed a fellow networker (let’s call her “Jane”) walk up to a group of folks chatting and, before even shaking anyone’s hand, thrust a business card into our outstretched hands. No, really – before saying hello, before introducing herself, before shaking a hand – Jane (who I personally know to be lovely and intelligent) created the instant impression that she was an overbearing, socially awkward individual. Perhaps she was nervous or overwhelmed by the crowd. But her audience doesn’t know that, and being known as “that person” (there that phrase is again) will only make each successive networking event more awkward and difficult – for Jane, and for her companions.

CONCLUSION: A REPUTATION IS A TERRIBLE THING TO WASTE

We've all got friends we know are always ________ (fill in the blank). Always late, always stingy, always a little too free with their words after a glass of wine. Just as in our social lives, once you earn a certain reputation, it's pretty hard to shake. Unfair or otherwise, realize that what you do wrong at one event can follow you around for a long, long time. Be intentional about the image you wish to portray at networking events, and then create a strategy in advance to help you create that image. A good reputation is a terrible thing to waste, and one or two missteps can do just that.

I invite and look forward to comments and tips from all of you!

Learn more about the author, Valerie Farris.

Comment on this article

Posted by Bob Dunn, Renton, Washington | Jun 12, 2008

Hi Valerie, thanks for the info!

In fact, I had given two presentations the last couple of days on networking...

I like the one about the business card. Wait until you are finished with your conversation, then give you card out. If you do it during the conversation, they are likely to just shove it in their pocket. But waiting till the end, their is more opportunity for them to actually look at your card as you walk away.

Also, my big stickler, the wandering eye syndrome. Give the person your undivided attention. Nothing drives me more crazy than talking to someone and they are constantly scanning the room.

And finally, though, just my own "personal networking rule". Never go to any networking event expecting something. That will come through in your voice and actions. Go into these events to enjoy yourself, make connections and build those relationships. It's just good karma!

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Posted by Valerie Farris, Edmonds, Washington | Jun 12, 2008

Well said, Bob! I have a friend who wisely says that frustration results from unmet expectations. Yet another good reason not to go into an event with a "goal" or "quota" in mind. And, the bottom line is I won't refer my friends and clients to people I don't know and trust. So I expect that others will have to know and trust me in order to refer business my way. Simply put, it's about building those relationships, just like you say.

I'm looking forward to additional tips, comments, and discussion!

Seattle Small Business Lawyer
Posted by Joe Townsend, Redmond, Washington | Jun 12, 2008

All good advice. I like to use business cards as a tool. By getting other's cards early, I can take notes (with the giver's permission) and learn details about their business that make for better follow up questions.

Joe
Posted by Bob Gerrish, Bothell, Washington | Jun 12, 2008

I only like to give or take business cards if I / they are truly interested in what we represent. If not, the card will probably be weeded out and disposed of.

As for taking notes, business cards can be a good place. But, a wise person once told me that having a blank back side on a business card gave them permission to use it as a grocery list, note pad, etc and later than throw it away. Consequently, I have a coupon on the back of our cards. This gives the recipient incentive to keep the card and use it later.
Posted by Rick Sader, Seattle, Washington | Jun 13, 2008

Receiving someone's business card up front is very helpful to me. I can refer to it during our conversation if that person's name just flew out of my head. And, as others have mentioned, I can jot down a few quick notes on the back if necessary.
For me, I've tried to make my card something unique by printing it onto canvas. At least 50% of the time, people will mention the texture right away and that gives me an excuse to explain that canvas is a media that photographers and artists will often have their work printed on.

Rick
www.LoneEagleDigital.com

Rick Sader, digital imaging specialist
Posted by Brandi Pierce, Seattle, Washington | Jun 13, 2008

Also, don't go to an event to pick anyone up! ha! I had that happen to me and it just ruined that person for me.. I'm married, wedding band and all.. so, yeah. Kind of inappropriate.

That would lead to another great ponderment (not a word).. I go to networking events to network.. why do you go?

I love this article. I find that both of those really show character and not in a great light. If you are going to be guilty of something, let it be guilty of over-paying on your tab or being too interested in what others do.

You (in general) don't want to be seen as cheap, petty, or targeting others like they were money trees.

I have learned the more relaxed you are, the more other relax, the more people can open up to you and you can really make great connections.

This is a wonderful thread! I hope everyone keeps it alive. =)

Come realize the power of COLOR.
Posted by Judy Dunn, Renton, Washington | Jun 13, 2008

Thanks for the good advice, Valerie. I have seen many "Janes" in my day and I can't say that I save very many of their biz cards.

The when-to-hand-out-your-business card issue is an interesting one. For me, it really depends on the situation. And, in Rick's case, whether it directly relates to the services you offer, namely a canvas texture that is a conversation starter, which can lead into a discussion of products he can provide for his clients.

Personally, I don't hand out my card until I have made a connection with someone. It seems that if I give it to them before we have a conversation. they are too distracted with the card. And, LOL, Bob, I have actually used old business cards for a short grocery list. It seems, though, that these were the ones that were "shoved" at me, before I had the chance to get to know the person.

I do understand the need to remember the major points of a conversation, but I like to listen "in the moment" and make my notes later. Basically, I see the business card as a follow-up to a good, quality conversation. And it seems that the people who take the time to get to know me, those are the cards I remember, and follow up with.

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Posted by Elizabeth Lee, Seattle, Washington | Jun 13, 2008

Valerie. I never like to simply comment with a "me too" or "I agree" so...

"amen"

Nicely written

Elizabeth...organizing you and your stuff
Posted by Jen Vondenbrink, Foxboro, Massachusetts | Jun 13, 2008

Hi Valerie. Such great advice. Recently I was at a networking event and most of the people were like the Jane in your story. It seemed to be more about how many business cards you could collect rather than getting to know people. It was frustrating and I'll have to say boring. Listening to everyone was like watching commercial after commercial. Not my thing.

Then I came across a person who actually forgot their business cards. It was the first real conversation I had that night. Although I know it is a no-no to not have business cards with you, in this case I was glad.

Jen Vondenbrink - Life Simplified www.yourlifesimplified.com

Life's really simple. We overcomplicate it.
Posted by Julian Michael, Seattle, Washington | Jun 13, 2008

Fun article...and VERY 'real-time' stuff!

I've had everything you mentioned happen in my presence at a couple recent networking events where I internally said to myself, "What the heck was this/these people thinking!!" On a couple occasions the bill as split evenly but the charge was more than everyone expected (which should have been made aware to the group prior to since the bill was nearly $10 above anyone's check) and one gal made it clear she was 'cheap' and 'frugal' to the point that the entire group immediately took notice - myself nearly in jaw-dropping fashion as I never see this in my industry.

At another event, passing business cards was like passing random pieces of excess paper around the table. Without a personal connection or absolute professiona need, I hardly even find use to pass out my business card...knowing full well I am wasting paper. Instead, I choose to make strong personal connections before even thinking about sharing contact cards.

Fun article...just made me laugh! Just because people have a laptop and joined an 'ONLINE' social networking group (something that didn't exist 2-3 years ago), they think passing cards out is the way to go...boy do these people have a looooonnnng way to go!!

-Julian

Photographer, Experienced portrait artist
Posted by Don Johnston, Clinton, Washington | Jun 16, 2008

Hi Valerie,

Great article! On the subject of using the backs of business cards for notes we all need to be aware that in some cultures that might be seen as offensive - even if we ask permission ahead of time. Keep up the good work! Take care ...

Don
Posted by Valerie Farris, Edmonds, Washington | Jun 17, 2008

Thanks, everyone, for the great comments!

Don - I didn't realize that writing on someone's business card might be offensive. I, too, use them to make notes to (a) remember someone more clearly and/or (b) remember to follow-up on something I said I'd do for that person.

I appreciate you all taking the time to reply, and look forward to hearing more stories and cautionary tales! :)

Valerie

Seattle Small Business Lawyer
Posted by Ilise Benun, Hoboken, New Jersey | Jun 17, 2008

Valerie, you are right on track!

As far as etiquette goes, sometimes my clients are afraid to get into a conversation because they don't know how to get out of one. They are afraid of being rude, so I wrote a post about how to get out of a conversation here: http://hoboken411.com/archives/11633
Posted by Kate Stewart, Seattle, Washington | Jul 08, 2008

Great article Valerie! I also appreciated Bob's comment about going to networking functions with no expectations. As a psychotherapist starting my private practice, I get into a tricky situation at networking functions. Because of rules governing how I know my clients in the outside world (e.g. I can't see a person as a client if they are a coworker or friend, etc), I have had to take a lot of the pressure off myself in networking meetings, as far as finding new clients goes. I've found that it's great practice for my elevator pitch, and I also get to meet really interesting people, which is always enjoyable!
Posted by Nic Soto, Chicago, Illinois | 3 weeks ago

I couldn't agree with you more on these points, a very good ...and insightful post!