Take time to make a personal connection over a cup of coffee

Americans now live in the fast lane with little time to just sit and have coffee or tea. We are loaded down with our electronic tools and toys that are supposed to make life better. We use our I-Phone, I-Pod, connect to the web from anywhere with our laptop and now text message, so we don’t have to talk to a live person. Most people with cell phones don’t really answer their phone and we leave a voice message. Even when we are at Starbucks we are not looking around for someone to talk to, but hunkered down with our cell, our newspaper or our laptop. Have you ever tried to talk to someone you don’t know at Starbucks? If they don’t totally ignore you they will give you the stink eye. Their answers are short and they can’t wait to get away from this pushy stranger that just entered their personal space.

I credit this to the major paradigm shift caused by an automated society. No one has an attention span past 4 seconds and most people listen to talk not to try to understand what the other person is saying. We are always multi-tasking and are always busy and doing things. We run from one place to another. We are in interrupt mode at all times.

We shop on the web, we listen to music on the web and we want everything neatly packaged and free if possible. We don’t read books, newspapers or anything that isn’t bullets or a short quick version of something on the web. Or life is a set of Cliff notes. We get our news for John Stewart on Comedy Central. We belong to social networks that focus us inward to those we already know. God forbid someone we don’t know should try to join our network.

We put people into neat little boxes; an attorney, an accountant, a real estate agent, a contractor, a web designer, etc. I have to remind people I am not a real estate broker, I am a person who does real estate for a living. It is only a part of who I am and not the most important part. I think I’m very good at what I do, but I don’t live, eat and breathe real estate. It is not my passion. Life is my passion. I like real estate but I love life.

When we do go outside our sheltered selves it is usually to a group where the focus is narrow and it is really all about us. We don’t meet people from other backgrounds, races, cultures, age groups, areas of life or even our neighbors. Our advanced technology isolates us more and more each day. We can see the world through our browser, but we don’t see the people moving all around us. Try something next time you stop inside Starbucks to pick-up a drink; look at someone near you and say hello. The reaction is an experience in and of itself. Be ready with something to say if they answer. They will probably say hello back and look away, trying to end the conversation dead in its tracks.

I belong to a number of networks and they are valuable and provide useful information. But I have a difficult time making a personal connection in a group. I think many people are like me, they are not sure how to operate in these groups where the type A personalities take charge. Groups are great for presentations, distributing information and answering questions on a subject. People in groups can mingle, schmooze, say hello and smile at breaks or at the open bar, but for me it is difficult to make a personal contact?

I am on a quest to have coffee or tea with three new people a week. I don’t know if we will make a connection or not but I’m willing to invest an hour and a cup of coffee to see what happens. My only agenda is to meet someone new and hear about them and what they do. If they ask me the same I will try not to bore them to tears and not hog the floor. So far is has been a mixed bag, but I like it. The people I have met have been interesting, informative and friendly. It is hard not to be friendly when there are just two people at a small table at a neutral site like a coffee shop. No sales pitches, just talk about each other and what we do. We may or may not stay in touch, but I feel better for these short coffee sessions. I know I have met people I can trust if I ever need what they do. I hope they feel the same, but if they never call we had a brief moment where we tried to make a connection.

The math is really interesting. Three new people a week is about 150 new people each year. I am promoting this approach to connecting to everyone I meet. I think everyone should take time out of their schedule to meet new people who do things they don’t do and just talk. I have a program in my business – have coffee with Mike and I will give you an overview of the real estate market today, but we can talk about anything we like. I have a few people each month take me up on this offer and we didn’t really talk too much about real estate at all. Some want to know how to become an agent, or buy foreclosures, or get a loan, or what they should do about taking out a second mortgage on their home. Some now send me emails with articles they think I might like to read. I send information to them about the subject we talk about. Others have moved on and that’s fine.

Did I make any money from these meeting was the question my brother asked me? No. But I now know about credit repair, auto insurance, how to buy a new car cheap, a little more about law and accounting and financing and web design and house painting and a few other things I didn’t know about. I also met a guy who is on a quest to fish every lake in Eastern Washington. He told me some great stories about some interesting places I now want to visit. So I did get something out of my one hour coffee sessions. I also met some really cool (I know a 60s word) people. If you are looking for something new to do – give it a try. Biznik is a great place to start.