Some of us wait and wait for happiness to strike: until our hard work pays off our debt, or we feel recognized for our tireless efforts, or earn enough money to live comfortably, or god-forbid, we retire.
My work and learning as a creative career counselor has taught me that Agnes Repplier was right: “It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.”
The truism that satisfaction is an inside job doesn't mean that we only search for job satisfaction within; we all need enlivening work, supportive relationships, optimistic colleagues and a friendly sense of community. We all know that, in terms of success, none of us is an island unto ourselves—especially in work, where making lasting connections is mandatory for success!
Taking responsibility for our entrepreneurial satisfaction simply means that we take daily actions that nourish our efforts to create a rewarding, well-rounded and successful life. I call these actions “attunements” and see such work as similar to the work of a pilot who "auto-corrects" or regularly adjusts small details in flight in accordance with her/his compass.
Too many people today—especially those enslaved by the the pseudo-predictable wage/benefits mentality—look at the idea of work fulfillment as something that will come to them from someone else or from some external fortune [i.e., becoming an heir to a mysteriously-wealthy relative or by winning the Lottery].
Some of us wait and wait for happiness to strike: until our hard work pays off our debt, or we feel recognized for our tireless efforts, or earn enough money to live comfortably, or god-forbid, we retire. And then the wait is over, and it is too late to do anything. Our life is spent, our energy is depleted and now we are filled with regret, resignation, rancor (bitter envy), and perhaps a little fury.
The New Yorker Magazine (February, 27, 2006) found that "within a year, lottery winners and paraplegics have both (on average) returned most of the way to their baseline of happiness." But regret at the end of life needn’t be true for 21st Century independent entrepreneurs. It is up to us. The fact is that nobody else is going to change our happiness “set point.” As comedian Carol Burnett says, "Only I can change my life, no one can do it for me."
My creative career clients and friends often balk when I say, "career contentment is up to you!" Because I’ve been a philosophy and religion professor, and creative career counselor for years, I’ve witnessed and experienced for myself a mysterious component to any lasting vocational contentment. I call this mystery magic or that third thing that I can't explain. It seems to emerge when I follow "the golden thread" of those actions that seem to enliven me. I believe that the truest treasures are found within ourselves, and our enlivening interactions. Such invisible, yet felt, treasures can help us let go of trying so hard to get that "brass ring" outside ourselves.
Of course, because of my career choice, I find that it really helps to have a career mentor to keep my eye on the prize—those golden threads in life—because, as Barbara Sher says, "isolation is a dream-killer!" But, still, no one can knock at the door of contentment for us (whether we’re knocking at the door of a new job, a Zen monastery or heaven’s gate).
Hundreds of millions of people all around this world would give anything to live where we live and would do anything for the chance to have the opportunity to find a supportive and FREE mentor community, like http://biznik.com, that could help them "work smarter" in their career.
Regardless of your genetic makeup, personality, or background, you can learn to follow your own road to the gold, take responsibility for your work contentment and attend to joy in creating an awesome and enlivening work-life balance. I believe this power is within all of us. As the Dalai Lama says, “Don’t wait until it’s too late. Be happy now!”
I find it also helps to remember these timeless truths:
You reap what you sow: One of my clients is an eco-educator who not only uses her talents for organic gardening to plant a successful business strategy, she also turns her love for cooking organically, canning and juicing into a year round successful venture. She knows this age-old adage better than most.
No one else can stop you from living your dream: Sure, some people—the doubters and naysayers—may not like your vision, may not think it’s appropriate “for someone your age” or "practical as a single-parent," let’s say. But, they are not attending to your work/life satisfaction, you are. Ironically, naysayers may be family members or friends concerned with your financial security (and perhaps their own). It's best to respond to their doom and gloom predictions of financial demise with: "Thanks for your concern, I’ve been warned.” Then wish them well and let them go along on their merry way. If you need some structure along with encouragement to decipher your dreams, take a peek inside my latest book: Polishing the Mirror: 90 Days to Vocational Clarity Click Here
Experience the joy of self-determination: Workaholic entrepreneurs, who live with a martyrdom mentality, never get to experience the satisfaction of any accomplishment because they are always waiting for someone else to see how hard they're working or praise them for their sacrifices. Take it from me, a life-long Mother Teresa-wanna-be, when I’m motivated by your response, the reward never comes; it’s the law of Karma.
Framework is everything: As the Buddha pointed out about 2500 years ago, our contentment or suffering is not about what is happening to us as much as our framework or relationship to what is happening. Much “right livelihood” literature promises that purpose, clarity and happiness will be followed by "the money," especially if you're doing work you love. I often reframe this word "money" as "all kinds of wealth, not just the green kind."
But remember, you are the one who decides if your professional situation is unfair, unbearable, unmanageable, or manageable. You get no Martyr Miles or extra credit for being long-suffering. According to a study by Staats, Armstring-Stassen and Partillo (1995), "knowing whether someone has recently suffered a personal setback or personal triumph is not as good a predictor of how satisfied they are with their lives as is knowing how they perceive the causes and consequences of those events."
Practice an attitude of gratitude: I think it was EST founder Werner Erhard (in the 1970s) who encouraged participants seeking empowerment to “fake it ‘til you make it.” But forcing or faking anything is not what I’m encouraging here. Rather, I mean, make (don't hope to find) the time to practice authentic gratitude; recollect 10 things or people for which you are truly grateful and do this daily, morning and evenings, (while in bed), when you’re brain is most porous. Humans are usually most receptive to auto-suggestion during alpha-states that are at their peak in the morning and before falling asleep.
If you want to keep contentment, give it away (unceremoniously). This one is a tough one for those of us who have a sense of “never enough” or "scarcity consciousness"—a smokescreen for low self-worth, in my opinion. If we feel lack all the time, it's hard to imagine that we have plenty to share; so we hoard. But, it is precisely because we “more-comfortable” Americans hoard that we’re not deeply happy.
If we need people to see us give or if we can't help bragging about our one-day-a-year donations, soup kitchen charity, or that time we spent with the “less-fortunate,” it’s no wonder our happiness is as shallow as it is brief. As the Talmud says, “The reward of giving depends entirely upon the extent of the unceremonious kindness in it.”
Let me ask you some final questions: Will you have more work satisfaction in 5 years, 10 years, or 25 years from now? Do you know? Do you have an idea how that will happen? Have you ever dreamed about it or set a goal for greater professional contentment? Are you willing to take responsibility and recognize that, “Connecting to contentment is up to you?"
Believe it or not, you need not wait for “some day” to have greater vocational fulfillment. No need to wait until next New Year’s Day to commit to a resolution toward life and work satisfaction. Why not get a mentor and ask her or him to help you get accountable to your own professional vision, passions and delights? Don't wait for contentment to arrive; you can start these practices right now.
Jennifer Manlowe (PhD) is an author, career counselor and book coach helping people bring their creative aspirations into the public domain.
Learn more about the author, Jennifer Manlowe.
Love it Jennifer.
I can relate to your "hoarding out of fear" comment. Now when I feel myself in this mode, I know to get back into participation of giving and receiving by finding someone whose services I can use and diving back in. Give to receive... It only makes sense.
Thank you, thank you.
Well put! =)
We've not met, and I hope that changes. I love what you've written, for many reasons and on a lot of levels. I laughed out loud when I read 'Martyr Miles'. Nice work. Be well, Kelleen
Hey Women,
Thanks for your encouragement and resonance with what was said. I love to share what I'm working on and tend to write from that place, as a rule. I'm so interested in turning fear into courage via walking through it as if it were a cloud. Too, I'm noticing the ways that I "give to others" can have the same flavor of how I give to myself (as if it's a crazy indulgence that I can't afford and I shouldn't). Some of this is in relation to feeling stretched economically -- a lean summer -- and other times this is just the way I feel when I experience lack/fear.
Good news, I'm feeling like this are superbly common and can be changed by questioning the core belief and imagining a life without it.
Keep sharing about what works for you, cause, I learn from you too.
ennifer,
To answer one of your final questions – yes. I know I will have more and more work satisfaction in the coming years. The more clarity I have, the more I know how to seek for satisfying work. The more confidence I become, the more I know what to do when I need clarity. The more personal growth work I do, the more confidence I become. It's a fun process and it does take intentional work!
Love this article, Jennifer. I'd say if your work is motivated by hopes of a reward, you're doing the wrong work!
I know that I'm doing the Right Thing for me when I can say I'd do it even if I weren't getting paid. In fact, when I started practicing healing, I did give it away for free. And to prove another of your points, the financial support began to flow from other places.
Thanks for bringing these truths forward in such a well-written piece. It's fun to read what you write!
Greetings Hsuan-Hua!
I am so glad to hear that confidence in is coming with clarity. I find that true for myself and my clients who read my book called "Polishing the Mirror: 90 Days to Vocational Clarity" available on Amazon.com.
And Rachel, you and I have talked about this before. When we think about what we'd do for others for free, we're onto what we might find energy doing for our life's work (remunerated, of course). That math doesn't always parse out for everybody but I've found it quite true for me.
Blessings to you all, Jenn
Jennifer,
Great article. Thanks for the reminders about gratitude and not seeking happiness in something/someone outside of ourselves. What we do each day (for a "living," mainly) permeates every sphere of our lives: self-esteem, relationships, attitudes toward life.
Working on the Golden Thread,
Terence.
Thanks Terrence,
I find it's easier and easier these days to love my life. Slowing down and breathing helps to see more clearly. Because I live in the woods in a glass house (practically), I have so much aliveness to learn from and see afresh. Thank gawd I left academia and the publish or perish mentality...too urgent with too little reward.
Here's a poem you might like that relates to the golden thread:
The Way It Is
There’s a thread you follow. It goes among things that change. But it doesn’t change. People wonder about what you are pursuing. You have to explain about the thread. But it is hard for others to see. While you hold it you can’t get lost. Tragedies happen; people get hurt or die; and you suffer and get old. Nothing you do can stop time’s unfolding. You don’t ever let go of the thread.
~ William Stafford
Thanks for your article. I agree wholeheartedly, and I love how you use many metaphors. I love doing that.
About the thread: I've often looked at my life as if my awareness were sewing through time... not just in and out, in a straight line, but more like proper sewing: going from here back a bit (recalling), leaping forward and setting intentions, then getting back to now, then going back and forth again.
the way I sew says more about me than where my thread has been.
Wonderful, Briana. I do a lot of jewelry-making and knit-sew velvet combinations and see this as an expression of my unconventionality. It's fun and a great way to dial down the do, do, do temperament re: marketing, etc.
Thanks so much for your beautiful example (metaphor).
Jenn
Jennifer, I truly enjoyed this article and the way that you've written it. As I've ventured into my solo entrepreneurship for a better work-life balance, I've had to push aside the nay-sayers and those who fear for my financial future simply because I know that there is a better way for me out there and that's what I want.
I've been thinking lately too about my ideal niche market/clients and this article has put me one step closer to making that decision and casting aside doubts I might have had as to whether it was financially viable. It especially resonates with me when you and Rachel talk about the passion you have for the work that you do and that you'd do it even if you weren't getting paid.
I also loved the Stafford poem.
Kimberly
Thanks so much Kimberly. You sound like the people you want to serve are coming into clear view. That's great. I find the more I know and accept myself, the more I know who I might work with well.
Best to you,
Jenn
Jennifer, I truly enjoyed your article and am now going through your other ones.
I was just saying yesterday that I'm not having any fun! Your article gave me some ideas to think about.
Do you ever do a class or retreat or something of that nature? Please put me on your list if that is something you do.
Best regards, Amy
Jennifer. You obviously know what you're talking about and put it so well. Thanks for this article. I think that for some (including me) it is the lack of progress that makes people feel stuck. I often think I'm doing something different but it really is the same thing over again. Thanks again!!
Mike
I appreciate what you've said, Amy and Mike,
Self-care and action-in-the-outdoors gets me out of my narrow thinking--especially when I'm feeling fear, like the Troll is right!, I shouldn't keep walking over that bridge. But we know better, right?
Until next time,
Jenn
Bookmark article
Follow article
Email to a friend
Share article
