Sometimes We Just Need To Read Something For Fun

One Shoe (Rambling Rambling from my new book CRAZY LADY'S GUIDE TO SANITY)

I was wearing one shoe. Not just any shoe, but my favorite right shoe. My favorite worn out rain stained Birkenstock. My other favorite shoe, the left one, was lying in the garage next to my Jeep were I left it the night before. It was dark and cold when it fell of my foot as I tried to get out of the car in the dark and fell over my daughter’s mountain bike. I decided to just hop into the house on one shoe and find it in the morning.

Bright and shining this morning, there I was fully dressed, with my “face on” as my mother would say, jewelry on my body (yes in both ears and they matched) and one shoe. I walked around the house for an hour in one shoe looking for my purse, my laptop, and all the accoutrements I needed to begin my day. This is actually kind of funny since I work in the basement.  I knew eventually I would get to the car and retrieve the other shoe, but one shoe wasn’t that uncomfortable so what the hurry was. I didn’t see one.

As I walked out in to my backyard I was distracted (sunshine can do this to me) and I decided to water the pumpkins, pick a few weeds and pet the cat, yes, all in one shoe. This is when I realized the alley behind my house sees a great deal of foot traffic. Who knew? I looked up from turning off the hose and saw a man staring at me up the driveway. At first I couldn’t figure out what his problem was. Then it dawned on me, my shoe. “You are only wearing one shoe, did you know that,” he said. I laughed and told him my short silly tale about it being in the garage. We chatted a few moments about the neighborhood, the weather, and life, then he went on his merry way. It was a beautiful sunny autumn day. More importantly, I was comfortable in my one shoe.

At this juncture, I realized I had forgotten the keys to the garage in the house (my garage is detached) and I, in my one shoe, went back up the walk to fetch them. On my return journey, with keys in hand, I saw a mother and child walking up the alley. The child was pointing at me, “Momma, that lady only has one shoe on!” he exclaimed in his toddler voice. “She is probably a special person dear, we don’t pick on them,” his mother said in her kindest voice while dragging her child to the opposite side of the alley street.  I sighed and waved. He waved back, she didn’t. I was tempted to take of the shoe, but no, my stubborn streak stepped and said, “Why can’t I wear one shoe if I want to? Whose business is it anyway? Special! Bah!”

I still hadn’t opened the garage yet when I noticed my trash cans had been knocked over. I didn’t seem possible I could encounter anyone else, this was the alley after all, and took my body and my one shoe over to straighten the cans. Boy was I wrong! I actually had tourists walk up my street, complete with cameras and little fanny packs. One man took my picture, then commented to his friend in broken English about the “weird things” you can see in Seattle. I mean really it wasn’t like I was wearing no pants, it was a shoe! I didn’t even have on socks. Now really!!! They were in an alley after all, what did they expect Queen Latifah or something?

Finally, as I attempted to unlock my garage unnoticed by anyone else, I heard from behind me, “You realize you are only wearing one shoe don’t you?”  I turned around and saw a middle aged woman and her friends, all of them decked out in matching yoga attire, watching me. They had their little pad bags strapped across their shoulders and full water bottles in hand. They each looked as if they had risen at 4 am to dress and prep to go exercise and sweat. “Am, I really?” I exclaimed. I feigned shocked surprise and glanced down at my feet. I slapped my hands to my face and gave a surprise squeak.  “Oh, how silly of me. How could that have happened?” I asked them. A few of the women started to giggle. The lady who posed the question didn’t think it was even slightly funny. I received a very tightlipped frown. I looked back at her in my sternest authoritative stare, the one that screams I am not stable, do not cross me. “Thank you, I wouldn’t have wanted to walk around all day with only one shoe on. I appreciate your concern. I seriously doubt I would have never noticed on my own.” I stated as I stepped into my garage. I believe she called me a “bitchhhhhhh” under her breath. Yup, I’m pretty sure she did, although it could have just been my imagination.

The group stood there watching my garage. I’m not sure what they expected me to do. Perhaps I was supposed to emerge nude, or in costume. Perhaps they thought I would magically evolve into a unicorn or a vampire bat. I felt like the side show at a carnival, the one held in the grocery store parking lot. When I opened the outer door from inside to let my car out, I bent over and picked up my shoe. Holding it in my hand I said to my audience “Thank God, I thought I would have to go without it all day. That would have been hell on my pedicure! Have a nice day ladies,” and I jumped in my car with two shoes, one in my hand one on my foot. I was tempted to place the loose one on the dash and drive around without it, but safety first.

 It makes me wonder though, is there a law somewhere that states we must wear two shoes? What if we only want to wear one shoe, are we always going to subject to conjecture and ridicule? When a sign says “shirts and shoes only” does it mean I have to wear both shoes or can I only wear one? People with casts aren’t given a hard time for only have on one shoe, what makes them special? What if I only have one foot, what do I do with the other shoe? Just food for thought, tomorrow I think I will wear socks that don’t match; maybe green and pink, just for fun.

 Copies of the full works are available through the author Annie Sabarte or through preorder at 

https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=D233CTUCNWH3J

for $20 plus shipping (signed 1st ed)