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How to REALLY help single parents during the holidays
Ok, so how do you help a single parent through the holidays that can be tough, especially this year?
Do you ask them for the...[more]
Ok, so how do you help a single parent through the holidays that can be tough, especially this year?
Do you ask them for the clothing sizes and what the kids want, then go and buy the items, delivering them (and insisting that they be opened in front of you, nicely of course) days before the holiday?
That is the single parent's worst night mare.
It's not that I am not grateful for your thoughtfulness, or for the smiles on my kids faces. But wait a minute and hear me out before you shop.
I am embarrassed that I can't provide for my children this Christmas. My kids needs are few, they know we are poor. It's not that we will not have the latest and greatest. It's that we will have nothing but food bank food.
And it's not that we aren't grateful for our plates being full, trust me, we have known hunger, and we are grateful. We are grateful that we have clothes and a home. Mostly we are grateful for each other.
But the shine on the kids eyes because , for one moment I did something right, will not be my gift this year. It's been years since I have gotten a Christmas present, so that moment of joy is my holiday.
And when you come in , with all the best intentions in the world, and tell me that you know better than I what shirt style is my child's favorite, you tell me that , once again, I am a failure as a parent. Since I can't provide the money to holiday shop, I also give up the rights to participate. And I need to smile and be grateful, a failure, yet grateful.
Every time, after the kids joy (and often disappointment because the you don't know my kids and got the wrong size), I go into that bathroom and cry. The cry of a mom who only wanted to be able to afford the socks for Johnny herself.
What would change around this picture? How could this family be supported and loved and told they were doing a good job?
Give the Mom (or Dad) the same amount of money you were going to spend in a gift card, offer to watch the kids while they go holiday shopping, and for good measure, add in a treat card. Make sure you bring over the wrapping paper, some cookies and spend TIME with the parent, talking about why they think their kids are special, andcongratulate them on the beautiful job they do in raising the kids. Then maybe invite them to your house for the holiday party you are holding.
The amount of money doesn't have to be extravagant, the amount of caring would forever be remembered.
And maybe, just maybe, you will give this family more than a few holiday presents. Maybe you will give them hope, self-esteem, and a bright future.
And you will get to bask in that bright future with them, and may have given yourself a present you weren't expecting, a new friend, real joy, and the true spirit of giving the best gift of all, you. [less]
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